It Began With a Smirk

74: Admittance

I stepped out of the warm shower, my legs trembling slightly. I can’t believe I did that. I thought, swallowing slowly. I can’t believe I lost my virginity to Kale.

My cheeks flushed brightly even though I was alone. After the incident in the cave we’d had to get a ride back from Spencer. Both of us were much to worn out to even attempt the run back. It’d been the most awkward car life of my life. Kale and Spencer sat in the front making small talk like nothing had ever happened. But from where I sat in the back I was surprised I hadn’t passed out from nerves.

I actually did it. I thought numbly and rung my hair of its wetness. Oh god what have I done?

My heart beat madly in my chest and I closed my eyes holding in tears that threatened to come. I’d given in. I’d lived in the moment and given myself to him. We’d spent most of the afternoon in the cave letting our bodies take complete control. I hated to admit it but Kale was good at what he did. He’d made me feel so good that I hadn’t even thought about the consequences. That was of course until we reached home.

Now as I stared into my reflection in the steam covered mirror I wrapped my arms tightly around myself had to hold back a sob. I can’t believe I did that. I thought for the millionth time since arriving home and hiding from Kale.

How can I tell Jakeson? was my first thought as I stared at myself. Oh god he’ll hate me. He’ll never forgive me!

But I didn’t really care. I knew that I couldn’t go back to him. Not after what I’d done. Even if he did forgive me I wouldn’t be able to see him the same way. All I’d be able to do is picture Kale’s lustful kisses every time he’d go in to kiss me.

Kale. I growled at myself angrily and pushed away from the counter to roughly pull some pajamas onto my body. He did this to me on purpose! my mind yelled at me. How could I have ever given into him?! He was surly gloating in his success this very moment. For all I knew he’d already told everyone. That would be just like him, bragging about finally getting me to sleep with him. What have I done?!

Before I could tempt myself with sticking my head in the tub and trying to drown myself I barged out of my room. “I’m a terrible person.” I found myself whispering in mortification as my eyes landed on Jakeson’s coat that he’d left at my house the last time he was over that lay on my bed.

With anger coursing through my veins I tore it from the bed and threw it across the room. The jacket hit the wall before sliding to the floor. I’d played right into Kale’s hands. Even after how hard I’d tried to steer myself away from him I’d gone and done the exact opposite.

I wanted to forget it. I wanted to move on. I wished it’d never happened. But I’d never be able to forget it. It’d been my first time. I’d given my virginity to him of all people.

I closed my eyes and fell backwards onto the bed. Tears began to roll from my eyes as I remembered his arms around me. My skin tingled all over, everywhere, where his hands had been only hours before. He’d been so gentle in the beginning. He’d made sure that it wouldn’t hurt. On that stupid cave floor he’d warmed me up until it actually felt good to have him inside me.