It Began With a Smirk

75: Breaking the News

I looked up at where Jakeson stood waiting for me. The same spot as he would wait at every day for me. Under the big tree at the front of our campus. Our tree we’d called it. I have to do this. My stomach churned as I approached him. Every step towards him making me want to turn around even more than the one before. But I couldn’t. I had to face him.

“Rein?” he asked, his voice laced with worry. He’d seen my eyes. He knew there was something wrong.

If only there wasn’t anything wrong. If only it had never happened. If only I could still feel the happy warmth from just being at his side. But it wasn’t there. Instead all I felt was guilt and shame as I stared up into his perfectly blue eyes. “Jakeson, we need to talk.”

I said the dreaded words.

The words I’d been battling with all weekend long. The words that had to come out. And he had been expecting them, the hurt in his eyes confirming this thought. “Rein?” he asked again. I could hear his usually perfect voice crack under the pressure.

He knew what it meant. “I’m sorry.” I muttered looking down at my feet, unable to face him. “Can we go somewhere more private?”

“No.” I looked up at him, surprised at his flat tone. “No we’re doing this here.”

He didn’t bother to mask the hurt in his eyes. Jakeson please don’t. I pleaded inside. I knew he could feel it in my eyes and instead he shook his head slowly. “Jakeson-“ I trialed off. I didn’t want to do it like this. Not here. Not in front of the school just moments after it had let out.

“You’re breaking up with me.” he stated his voice calm but I could feel the hurt radiating off of him.

My face heated up as I looked away from him, unable to stand eyes contact any longer. “Please Jakeson.” I pleaded, my voice faltering. “Let’s not do this here.”

“This isn’t a good place?” he asked and I could hear the sarcasm in his voice. “Is there a better place you had in mind to break up with me?”

My eyes snapped to his. I could hear the stress in his voice. “That’s not what I meant.” I whispered. “Just… somewhere more private?”

“We’re doing this here.” he repeated his earlier words. I looked away from him trying not to break down. I have to do this. I told myself but I wasn’t sure if I could anymore. Facing him was too difficult. I couldn’t even manage looking at him let alone trying to explain it.

“Is it because I’m going away to college?” Jakeson asked suddenly. I looked back to him. All anger was gone and he looked like his reserve was breaking. When I didn’t answer he continued with, “I can wait another year until you can come with me Rein. We can make this work.”

“No I-“

He stepped forward, closer to me. Our eyes meeting again. “I’ll change colleges.” he interrupted me. “I’ll wait back a year and then go to whatever you college you want when you leave. We-“