The Parlour {LS//AU}

Chapter 9

My computer light is the only thing on in the whole flat. I've been staring at my screen since Harry left maybe Google has the answers I seek.
How to tell if I'm gay enter

As always a list of searches come up.
Take the test and see if you're gay.
How to deal with homosexuality and getting over it.
Signs you might be gay.
The Gay test.

I sigh and just close the computer. I should know whether or not I'm gay but I'm scared to know the truth and all the truth I'll ever really need was that feeling I got when Harry placed his hand upon my cheek.

Ten rolls around and Zayn stumbles off the floor and through the flat" Lou I got a awful headache man, got any asprin?"

"no." He stops holding his head and looks at me.

"You alright?" I just nod how could I tell him that I'm gay, if I'm even gay!

Thursday

I sit tapping my fingers impatiently on the table, maybe I should call him. But what good would it do if I called him he would just hang up and if he hung up my self-esteem would completely plummet. But maybe that's what I did to him I crushed him. Louis you're such a fucking asshole.

I can't really stand being away from him as dumb as that sounds. He made me so happy and I don't know if it's because I don't have a lot of friends or because he was Harry. Harry styles the boy who I absolutely adored looking at him.

Let's say I did call him what would happen? he would probably be angry with me. But what if he was crying right now what if that fragile fucking boy was sitting somewhere crying because I pushed him away when all I really wanted to do was pull him closer.

I can't call him it just wouldn't be right. I have to go to him, I have to make this right in person. I have to see his face and even if that means completely outing myself that's what I have to do.

I take the train just like we took that day we went to the cinema. It's pretty crowded people squished against one another trying to get out from the autumn air. when I exit I walk the two flights of steps up to the main street and head down it. I get to his apartment and honestly I want to turn back. If I go up there that's me saying something that's me screaming to the world that I have some sort of emotion toward Harry Styles. This emotion isn't just lads being lads its me being real with myself for the first time in a very long long time.

I climb the two flights of stairs and go to the apartment door to the left. My hands are shaking and I don't know whether to put them in my pockets or boil them up at my side. I take a deep breath, then I knock on the door. There's no sound for a minute and if there is a sound it's the sound of my heart beating aggressively in my chest.

"Hold on I'm coming." I hear a chain rustling on the other side of the door and then I see the handle turning. This is the last chance you have Tomlinson if you want to run you better run because if not this is it.

When the door opens I see him standing there shirtless, dark ink depicted pictures cover his body. His curly hair its up in one of those buns and a couple strands fall loosely around his face. If it hadn't been for the look on his face I might put my arms around him but I don't because I see every disappointment I've ever done written across that green eyed boys face. He looks at me angry or confused right now I can't really tell the difference.

" what do you want?" his voice isn't rough like I thought it be its soft behind it I hear sadness.

" may I come in?" in his silence I think maybe he'll slam the door in my face or scream at me with every bit of anger he possesses. He doesn't he moves the side and motions me in. It's time to say it Tomlinson it's time to tell him why you came and why you push him away.