Stirring The Soul

Chapter 12

"Noona? Did you hear me? I said I don't mind either," Jungkook says, waving his arm over your eyes. "What are you looking at?" he asks, curiously.

You bite the bullet and just ask. "Is that a tattoo JK? Do you mind showing me?"

"Oh, this? I never usually show it to anyone, but I'm happy for you to look at it," he replies, holding out said arm. You are in genuine awe when you say, "Blimey JK! Who'd have thought you were such a cool idol. I've never seen a tattoo that looks this beautiful. I bet you designed this yourself. I've always wanted one myself, but I can't think of a decent design. I don't just want one for the sake of it, it has to mean something," you explain.

"I would love to design it for you, Noona," he offers. "And I could come with you when you get it done." You're so engrossed in his tattoo that you don't realise how far you've leaned in to look at it. You realise how close you are to Jungkook's face when he comfortably tucks a tuft of your hair behind your ear. What's happening?

You look at him in surprise and quickly lean back, but he stops you with one strong arm. He looks at you intently as he uses his hand to bring you forward again, closing the gap between you two. Seriously, what's happening?

You don't do anything to stop him. He tucks his other hand under the nape of your neck. "Noona," he says quietly, "I hope this is ok." With that, he brings his lips to yours and kisses you tenderly. You look at him in alarm and but also expectantly. The taste of his sweet lips on yours tells you how badly you've wanted this. Within milliseconds you surrender yourself to him by closing your eyes, cupping his face with your hands and kissing him with all the desire that's been building up over the last week. He clearly feels the same as neither of you breaks for air for a long time.

When you eventually do, you both lean on each other's foreheads, chests heaving trying to catch your breaths. You finally get to see those birthmarks up close. You stroke his soft face before breaking contact. "Jungkook...." you start but he doesn't let you finish.

"Before you say anything, please know I've wanted to kiss you since last Sunday. I thought it was just a passing crush I had on a sexy Noona, but when I hugged you in my kitchen that day, I felt a desire that was much more than a passing crush. You must have felt it too?" he says, looking at you hopefully. He continues before you have a chance to say anything, "I lied when I said I hadn't seen your message that day Noona. I just needed some time to think. You spoke about Mark, and obviously there is a wound there that is still healing, and I didn't know what to do. I thought it best if I gave us both some space, but it was so hard. I wanted to talk to you so bad. Every day, I was dying to tell you how my day was, ask how you were, comfort you if you needed it. To just be there for you."

He stops and looks down, making it obvious to you that he was unused to pouring his heart out like this. Why are you hesitating when this man is being so honest about his feelings? And it's not some fleeting crush. He processes things in a way that impresses and astounds you. You know you want him, there's no denying that, but for some reason, you are holding back. You can't bring yourself to say anything that wouldn't otherwise hurt his feelings. After the way he's been, he deserves for you to treat him with kindness. You place your hand under his chin and stroke his bottom lip with your thumb. Raising his head to look at you, you take a few moments to sink into his eyes before saying, "I'm not going to insult you by denying it. I felt something soon after I met you, but I put it down to your hypnotising musical ability. You're one hell of a fit guy and I thought it just a passing crush too. But the more I've gotten to know you, the more attracted I am to you. Not gonna lie, your whole being is doing seriously unspeakable things to me, but I have to bring up our ages. You must know how much older than you I am. And I come with serious emotional baggage as your t-shirts will testify," you feebly try to joke. You want to say more, but can see he's trying to process so you wait for him to respond. His lips are pursed as he considers what to say.

"So what are you saying Noona? We both like each other, but we shouldn't do anything about it? I know you're nine years older than me (you wince inwardly), but you can't say you feel that age gap when we're together. I know I don't." He hesitates before he continues, "I'm not going to mention love because I don't know what that feels like, but I want to at least see where this goes. We have a connection which I've never felt before and I don't want to waste this rare chance," he tries to persuade you desperately.

You look away from him and stare at the floor before saying, "I thought I was ready to take the plunge and have a casual fling if you felt the same way, but now I'm not sure. I need some time please, JK." You then hasten to add, "We will, of course, still have our piano lessons, I won't leave you in the lurch." you say, remembering your responsibilities.

"You expect me to act as though there's nothing between us while you sit next to me during our sessions? I can't do it. Something has been there ever since we first met. How can I pretend otherwise?" It is Jungkook's turn to have teary eyes.

"I'm not saying 'no' JK, I'm just saying please give me some time to process this. I've had a head start on you in life and you know the state of my heart. You also should take some time to consider if this is what you really want. Think of the future implications." You don't want to say the next bit, but you know you have to. "I think you should go JK," you say gently. You walk towards the door and open it for him. He doesn't argue as he leaves and you reassure him by saying, "I'll speak to you soon."

There are tears in your eyes as you close the door behind him. You go straight to your bedroom and lie down crying into your pillow. What am I crying for? It's not like I've just broken up from a relationship with Jungkook! Am I crying because I don't want to end it before it's started? Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a text message.

/// I don't go around just kissing anyone Noona. I've never had feelings like this. Please don't expect me to just turn them off ///

You lay the phone down next to you and let a tear roll down your face.