When Love Conquers Two

Chapter 43

Previously in When Love Conquers Two
Harry, Louis, Niall, and Sarah find out that Alvin and her father have broken out of jail. Sarah starts freaking out but the boys help calm her down.
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I'm currently in my room writing a new song. With Alvin out of jail, a lot of emotions and memories of him are running through my head lately. It's been a couple days since he broke out and I'm more terrified than ever. My depression and PTSD is extremely bad lately. I've been hiding it from the boys more and more so they don't have to worry. However, I've been wearing long sleeves and pants everywhere, even to bed, because of how bad the depression has gotten. I have cuts all over. I held my knife in my hand and almost killed myself too. I didn't, but I came damn near close to it. Niall is watching tv in the living room and Harry and Louis are out right now, since I'm alone I have my sleeves up, exposing my scars. I go into my studio and start experimenting with the instruments. I find my electric guitar and plug it in. I start singing the lyrics to the song. It goes perfect with it. Add in some keyboard and drums to it and it'll be perfect. I have everything together and I can't figure out a title for this song. I put my guitar down and go find Niall. "Hey, Ni, can you come listen to this real quick? I need some help figuring out the song title," I say once I find him. "Yea of course," he says getting up. He follows me into the studio. "Just a little warning, this song is kinda depressing. But when are my songs not," I say. He smiles at me and chuckles. I pick up the guitar and press the record button of the drums and keyboard I have recorded. I start singing the song.

"Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll have woke up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
'Isn't something missing?'
You won't cry for my absence, I know
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out:
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?"

A tear rolls down my face but I wipe it away hoping he didn't notice. "That's really good, Sar. You emphasize someone missing you so why not 'Missing' or 'Isn't Something Missing'?" Niall says. "Oo Missing is perfect," I say writing it down at the top. (This is by Evanescence!!!) "You done writing for the day?" He asks. "Yea, I'll be in there in a little. Just gotta finish some things up in here," I say. He nods his head and leaves. I put the guitar down and close the door. I go over to my keyboard and reach underneath it. I get the knife I have stored in here. I cut my arm. Not as deep as normal, but just enough to get the same effect. "Babe! Where are you?" Louis yells from down the hall. "Shit," I say I quickly put the knife back and bandage up the cut. "In the studio!" I yell back. I pull my sleeves down just as the door opens. "Hey, babe. We're back," Louis says. "Cool. Whatcha guys do?" I ask. "Just shopping," he says leaning against the door frame. "Whatcha holding behind your back?" I ask being nosy. He holds a bag out. "For me?" I ask taking it. "Yea, I saw it and it looked like something you'd love," he says. It's a really cute black tube top with skulls and roses on it. "It's so cute, Lou!" I say hugging him. "Go try it on. I wanna make sure I got the right size," he says. Try it on? But he'll see my scars. "But it's so cold in this house," I whine. "Oh come on, you big baby," he says. I don't move. He grabs my hand and drags me to my room. "Come on, stop being insecure. You're gonna look hot in it," he says. "Okay okay. I'll go try it on," I sigh. "Good, come out when it's on. I wanna see it," he says. I nod. I go into my bathroom and close the door. I take my current shirt off and put the tube top on. It's cute and yea I do look hot in it, but you see all the scars. I take the bandage off my fresh cuts and see that they've stopped bleeding. Thank god. At least that's healed. "How long does it take to change into half a shirt?" Louis asks. I let out a deep sigh. I have to go out there. He's gonna be so disappointed and mad. I open the door and put on a happy face to see if that'll distract him from the scars. I act like a model and show it off for him. He doesn't say anything but look at me. He definitely saw the scars. "Damn, babe. You look great in it. Let's go show Harry and Niall," he says. "Oh they don't have to," I say hesitantly. "Come on. You look gorgeous," he says. He grabs my hand and takes me to the living room. He pushes me in front of him. The two boys look up. The three exchange glances before anyone says anything. "Oo is that the new shirt?" Harry asks. "Yea, doesn't she look gorgeous?" Louis says. "Yea you look great," Harry says. "You look so cute," Niall says. I smile trying to hide the fact that I wanna burst into tears. "I'm going to go change back into my other shirt real quick," I say going to leave. "You sure? You look great in that," Harry says. "It's just really cold," I say backing out of the room. "Come here, you can have my hoodie," Niall says taking his hoodie off. I let out a quiet sigh. They're gonna make me stay with them for the rest of the night and try to talk about the scars. I go over to Niall and put his hoodie on. I sit next to him and he puts his arm around me, pulling me in. Louis sits next to Harry and snuggles into him. Louis goes on talking about this new show we have to watch. "I don't know what's going on, but I'm here for you. I love you so much, I don't want anything happening to you," Niall whispers to me.

It's a little while later. Louis is in the other room talking to his mom and Niall's at the studio recording. So it's just Harry and me in the living room. It's quiet between us. I pull on my sleeves and look at the scars. Harry must be so disappointed in me. "You know I'm always here for you, right?" Harry asks. I look over at him. "Yea I know," I say pulling my sleeves down. "Then why don't you? I'd rather you come get me at three am then you hurt yourself. You're my baby sister, I just want you to be happy," he says. "I know you do, Haz. But it's just hard. It's just-" I let out a sigh. "My whole life I've been told I have to hide my feelings and that my feelings don't matter. My parents always told me I'm just a waste of space and no one wants to hear me complain. I've never really told anyone how I've felt before I hurt myself. Louis always found out after the fact or I would just lie. So it's hard to believe that I have people who actually want to hear how I feel and actually believe my feelings are valid," I say. Harry comes over and sits next to me.  "I know I don't have depression, so I don't know how it feels when you're like that. But I do know what's it like to have to watch as your little sister, the one I'm suppose to protect, want to kill herself over stuff that isn't true. I want to help any way I can. Sarah, I wouldn't have become your guardian if I thought you didn't matter. Please, let me in. If not me, Niall. He loves you so much and it kills him when he finds out you hurt yourself.  Let him in on what's going on. Lean on him-" "But what if I overwhelm him? What if it gets to be too much he can handle? I can't lose him," I say worried. "You won't lose him. He cares and loves you too much to do that. You just gotta let him in. You have so many walls up with everyone. Please, let someone in. You can't keep holding it in and dealing with it yourself because that won't help you. All that's been doing is hurting you. Please," he says. I look up at him. "I'll try," I say faking a smile. "That's all I ask," he says. Niall comes in shortly after. "Hey, Ni. How was the studio?" I ask as he comes over. "Good, got a song done today,"  he says. "Cool, we gonna hear it soon?" I ask. "After management hears it and approves it," he says. Louis comes into the room, tears rolling down his face. "Lou, what's wrong?" I ask going over to him. "My mum. She's-she's got Leukemia. The doctor says she has until the end of the year," Louis says. "She's d-dying?" I stutter out. She can't be. She's given me a family when my parents just abused me. She's a mother to me. She's the only parent figure I have in my life.  She can't die. "Louis, I'm so sorry,"  Harry says coming over to him. Niall walks over to me. "She can't die. Can't they do chemotherapy or something for her?" I say. "She's too far along. They can only make her comfortable until she goes. I can't believe she's dying. She's my mum. She's suppose to see me get married and raise Freddy and have kids with my husband. She can't die," Louis says. Harry hugs him and Louis cries into his chest. I just stand there shocked. I can't believe she's dying. "You doing okay, Sar. I know she means a lot to you," Niall says. "She's really dying?" I ask in disbelief. "She is, Sar," he says.  Tears start rolling down my face. Niall pulls me in. I start balling into his chest and hold onto him tightly. I've been holding everything in and this just pushed me over the edge. I have Alvin and my father out of jail looking for me and now the only parent figure I've ever had is dying. "It's gonna be okay," Niall says. But it won't. Louis, his family, and my lives are gonna be forever different.  And I don't know if I'm gonna make it through.