In the arms of evil

Secrets

I have been sitting here on the couch with him for a good three minutes with him rubbing my back and holding my hand, letting me take my time to calm down and stop crying. "It's okay baby. Take your time" he says, kissing my forehead. "I'm really sorry Colt. You're not my boyfriend or anything, I shouldn't be bothering you with this" I sniff, pushing my hair back and standing up.

He stands up with me almost immediately, taking my hands in his, "but I can be." I freeze. "I wanted a better way to ask you. I've only known you for a couple months. But I really like you Brook. A lot. I must do if I want to hurt whoever made you feel like this" he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and caresses my cheek. His eyes are full of worry and concern but he still musters a smile for me. I smile back, sniffing before asking, "so wait... are you.. asking me out?" I ask confused, smiling at his chuckle. "Yes. I want you to be my girlfriend Brooklyn. Do you?" I hold his gaze for a moment, my head running a thousand miles an hour. Do I? Am I ready for that? I like him, I know that. I'm comfortable around him. He makes me feel safe. Like I can finally breathe. And I think maybe, just maybe, he'll be different from Troy. "I like you a lot more than I thought i would, especially after my ex. But..." I shut my eyes, afraid of the truth. "But what baby? Do you not want me the same way?" He sounds hurt. I shook my head, eyes darting up to his. "No, I want you too. I just... I'm afraid. To give someone that power again. I'm afraid what will happen if I give you my heart." I lay my forehead back on his chest, taking in a deep breath. There it is. The cold truth. I'm afraid of falling in love again. And that kills me.

He kisses my forehead gently and whispers into my ear, "baby, I'd rather die than ever hurt you. Please. Trust me. Be mine."
"Okay" I say it softly and mean it with all my heart. He smiles back, leans in and kisses me, pulling my body into his from my waist. When the kiss ends, we're still smiling. But then he asks me, "now what made you come out the bathroom like that? You were fine a few hours ago. What happened?" I take a deep breath, images of that horrendous night flooding my mind. I want to tell him. Maybe it will help. "Colton, there is something I should tell you. About why I moved here. About my life before" I tremble. Colton realises my body begin to shake and brings me over to the couch and sits beside me. Here goes nothing.

"I lived in Tennessee before here. With my parents. My dad owned a motor store and my mom was a diner waitress. We were a super happy family. Proper movie quality stuff" he chuckles at the image of the perfect family he pictures of us. But all that faded when I mentioned his name. "I fell in love with a guy when I was eighteen. Troy Becker. Star quarterback once upon a time. Before he became what he is." A shaky breath escapes my lips, but I push forward once Coltons hand begins to rub mine in reassurance. "I met him at the diner. He came and sat next to me, he was charming and sweet and polite and my mom loved him. He helped out at my dads motor store sometimes. Took me on amazing dates. Outdoor cinemas, aquariums. He was the picture perfect boyfriend. But, he lost his scholarship for being arrested about a year into our relationship. Things went downhill quite quick after that."
Memories of the first time he hit me came writhing their way through my mind and the door I bolted them behind.

Two years ago:
"Troy? Is that you?" On my way home, I find a limp Troy sitting on the floor by a brick wall. He reeks of alcohol. "Good god...Troy!" I rush to help him up. He's bruised and bloody. I hadn't seen him in three weeks since he lost his scholarship and to see him like this is heartbreaking. As I go to help him up, he pushes me back. "Get lost Brooklyn. I don't need your help, you hear? Leave me alone" he slurs his words, barely able to keep his head up.

He picks himself up from the floor when two men suddenly appear around the corner. I see him handing them money and in return, a little clear packet full of white powder is handed to Troy. "What the hell is that? Are you nuts?" I yell at him, grabbing the attention of him and the two men. "Who the hell is she?" One of them spits, pulling out a knife from his blazer. "She's my girl. Leave her." The knife is put back. The two men disappear. "Troy, please tell me you're joking. What's gotten into you?"
"I lost Brooklyn! Okay! I lost everything. My scholarship. My teammates. All of it. For this little white angel right here" he shakes the bag, smiling. "But it's no biggie babe. I've found a way to score some cash. People pay big for this crap" he sniffs a line off his hand. My eyes grow wide in shock. This isn't who I fell in love with. This is someone else. Someone who's lost his way.

I slap the bag out of his hand, the whole sachet pouring out onto the wet concrete. I didn't think his reaction would be what it was. But his eyes grew wide. His fists became tight. "You bitch!" Before I knew it, a hand came across my face, leaving me with a burning red handprint across my cheek, sending me to the ground. I'm only a small thing. And he towers over me with his athletic build.

Instantly, Troy was by my feet, moving my hand to check the mark, "Brook, I'm sorry. Dammit baby, I'm so sorry". I look up and see his eyes tear up as mine do. "Come on. Let's get you back to my place so I can put some ice on that" I shake as he picks me up "Please Brook. I promise I'll never do it again. I didn't mean it. I would never hurt you. Please forgive me" his face looks pained and frightened. I go to his place out of... I don't know. Forgiveness? I'm not sure. Because I was always wary from then on. I just didn't know I should have left straight away. Because men like that? They don't change. Not ever.

Present:
"About a year into our relationship, Troy hurt me real bad. We were arguing because I found him in bed with our neighbour. I was yelling at him, hurt because he broke my heart and his response was to beat me. Until I became unconscious." Colton removes his hand from mine. I see it clench, knuckles going white. "I didn't tell my parents. I didn't want them to worry. I didn't go to the police either. Or the hospital. When I woke up, I was in our bed and he was passed out on the couch. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I cleaned up the blood, cried, and called my friend to pick me up. She's the only family I have left. When she came and picked me up, she cried in the car. Seeing me like that. I was a mess" I shake the image from my mind. "Cara saved my life that night. But in the morning, she dropped me off at my parents house. That night was the night everything in my life died. He killed them, Colton. My parents. He broke into their house and killed them. And when he found out I was pregnant, he stabbed me and... killed our baby too. Cara told me the police turned up because my dad had rung the police and they heard the whole thing on the phone." The tears begin to fall. I feel my heart breaking again. "He's gone colt. No one knows where. That's why I'm here. I sold everything I had and moved." My eyes shit, shoving the memories back into the darkness where they belong. "The last thing I remember before I left to come here was being at my parents lot in the graveyard, begging god not to let me forget their voices. But even now, they become a faint whisper. I'm losing them Colton. The more I relive that night, the more they slip away."

"Oh Brook... you don't know how sorry I am baby. You didn't deserve any of that pain. I'm so sorry Brooklyn. God..." he moves closer, my head rests on his chest and I sob painfully. He just sits there, comforting me until we fall asleep again.

I wake up to the sound of ringing. When I stir over to my side, I hear Colton "yeah I'll be there in an hour. I've just gotta do something first and I'm there" he puts the phone down and turns to face me. "Hey sleepy head. You okay?" I smile at his hand brushing on my cheek. "Yeah, are you?" I motion to the phone. "Oh, um yeah. I've go to go though. But I'll be by tomorrow if that's okay?" He asks. I smile, nodding, before he gives me a kiss on the head and leaves. It feels good. Telling someone. I wonder if he will ever tell me about his past.

I ignore the questions for tonight, and turn to face the small cracks of the purple night sky shimmering through the shutters. What a world it is. So big and bright. But I can't help but be attracted to the small flickers of darkness. Because it is only on darkness do I shine the brightest.