The Four Cowboys

Wrong Decisions

"Holy shit. I have never seen such an angel."

"What are you guys doing?"

The four of them back away from me, taking a seat beside me.

"We love you. We want you to be our wife. We want you here for the rest of our lives. To have our babies. To make love to. To take care of. We want you here with us. With all four of us. We love you."

"I love you all too."

That earns me kisses all along my body, but I stop them before we get too far.

"But I've only been here for two weeks."

"Doesn't matter to us."

"I've been through a lot, and I have baggage."

"We all do. That's not a good excuse."

"I don't know how this works."

"We can help you with that."

"I'm not going to be a good wife or mother."

"That's just a lie being used as an excuse to run away. We want this with you. We want it all with you. Do you not want it with us?"

"I don't know what I want. Can I have the day? To talk to Haven? To understand and get some clarity?"

The four nod and caress my body gently.

"Of course you can. You can take as long as you need. We'll be right here, waiting for you. You are our one. Do you want to call Haven?"

"Yeah. And put on some clothes. It's cold in here."

They allow me a space to leave the couch, and as I leave, I'm automatically confused. Why did I walk away? I love them. I'm letting my fear get in the way. I'm a soldier, I was anyway. I walked through battlefields of bodies and death, and all of a sudden, I'm scared to be with the men I love. What is wrong with me? 

I do want to talk with Haven, but I could be with them right now. I could be loving them right now. They could be loving me right now, and instead I'm walking away. I'm walking away from a family. Just like I had with my own before. I'm running away because I'm scared of losing more people. What am I doing? 

I have to go back to them.