Moonlight Sonata

Moths and the Hidden Agenda

I was born with a chronic brain disorder called narcolepsy. Sure people have heard of it but thought it was funny or made up.

It's neither of these things. It's terrible and crippling.

My disorder came with a lovely side effect called cataplexy. Cataplexy essentially turns off the part of my brain that allows my muscles to work.

So it would be ideal that as I waited for the presenter, I'd have a dozen sleep attacks. When they finally called my name, I walked across the stage to get my diploma and fell face first into the podium and subsequently passed out.

Classic high school graduation!

Now I was back at home with my mother and grandmother hovering over me like moths.

They were both medium brown skinned with warm undertones while I was a darker brown, same warm undertones. The years have gifted these women with amazing skin. I guess I'd give my grandmother the credit on that one.

She was around for the Woodstock Era and raised my mother on nothing but organic produce and protein. We even had a garden in the backyard. I used to sneak a slice of pizza every now and again but I stopped, not wanting to stray too far from their traditions.

I love them both something fierce and while they were extremely overbearing, they'd probably break down if I didn't live like them.

"I told you not to go. I knew this would happen. You're going to put us in an early grave." My mother spoke as she stroked my cheek.

My mother was a flower child. Always barefoot, sometimes naked and stress-free. Even when my father couldn't handle her carelessness, she didn't fret.

They had met when he was just a teenaged door-to-door salesman. My father told me that he would never find another woman that measured up to my mother's natural beauty.

When they were dating, he quit his job and started a garden. The very one we still have. He would grow a mass of flowers and when they blossomed, he picked a different one every day to place it into my mother coiled afro. They were inseparable until she had gotten pregnant with me.

My father had awakened from the "fantasy" they were living in and went back to work. My mom didn't blame him and didn't bother searching for another lover. I guessed their love was one of a kind. My father didn't seem to think so because he got married a few years ago. My mother and I went to the wedding and I was the flower girl, classic irony.

"Lilly stop it. I never tried to control you so don't do it to her." Her mother said.

Miss Willow Rosen was my grandmother but she could just as easily pass for my mother's older sister. They were both as thin as they could be with high cheekbones. The only differences were my grandmother's slight wrinkles and hair. She parted her afro down the middle while my mother just let her own do what it felt every morning.

My grandmother grew up around hippies and my mother was conceived at one of those free-love gatherings and I used to think it was funny. That was until I found out my mother's father participated in that particular orgy and she never got a chance to find out who he was.

We never spoke of it but maybe I'd do some digging to find out where this guy was. I mean sure I had a grandfather out there but my mother never met the man that helped bring her into this beautiful world.

These two women were my rocks but I've been planning to stay with my dad for the summer and I really hoped they supported me.

"I'm fine mama, seriously." I had to reassure her as I sat up. My head hurt.

"Why can't the world be lined with pillows, so when I bust my ass, I'll come to without the splitting headache?" My grandma giggled but my mom didn't.

"Chammy, why did you have to go?" My mom pleaded.

"Well I figured you'd get used to it."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm staying with dad for the break."

My mother's face blanked, "No."

She had no problem with my father. He just lived a modernized life. One she couldn't understand despite her efforts.

"Mom the only time I see you upset is when it's about me. I hate being the reason your carefree demeanor falters. It's only three months. We'll talk on the phone all day, every day. You'll actually be sick of me."

"Chamomille Rainy Day Addams!" I winced at my full name. She meant business.

"You are not going to your father's for that long. You'll be all alone and he might pump you full of drugs. No." I was about to break the news that my plane was leaving tomorrow before my nana intervened.

It'd be best if she broke it to mama anyway.

"Lilly, let Cham go spend time with her father. He won't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. Even I can say he isn't that evil." My grandmother wasn't too fond of my dad. She still believes that my father was a fraud and a user.

My mother closed her eyes for about a minute. Then she opened them, "Not another day after ninety."

I jumped up and suffered a mean whiplash. I powered through it to pull my mom and grandma into a big hug. I got off the couch, ran into my room and closed the door.

I may have a hidden agenda and his name was Matt. I rested my head on the door and smiled.

When I was ten years old, my dad had just moved into his house in California so my mom took me to see it. Before we went, she stopped at a fruit market and that's where I saw my first crush and only love. He was older than me and I wish I knew by how much. He was sat on the bumper of a truck helping a man load boxes into the back of the fruit market.

He was so cute! Copper skin that was lighter than mine, dark bouffant hair, and beautiful round brown eyes. He winked at me and that's when I deemed him to be mine. I kept my eyes trained on him until someone called his name and he went back into the truck. Last time I saw that guy and I was overly excited to see him again and get to know him.

I pushed off the door and went inside of my bathroom to get ready for bed. I had a hint of a bump on my forehead and was thankful that mom iced it down. I took my hair out of the bun I didn't remember putting it in and my mane sprang free. I applied some coconut hair milk to tame it before starting to give myself some cornrows. After I was done, I began packing my limitless amount of sandals and sundresses into a floral suitcase.

When I finished, I found myself on the floor staring at the ceiling waiting for a wave of sleep to rush over me. It never did.

"I guess I'm up for the night." I said to my empty room before jumping out of bed and into the shower. Tomorrow was the start of something fresh and I know my mom's worried but I'd be damned if a neurological disorder screwed this up for me.