Moonlight Sonata

You Had Your Reasons

"Ohhhhhh," I moaned out in agony. These contractions have been kicking my ass for thirteen hours. I was trying to be a trooper and not get the epidural. I know it'll all be worth it in the end but this, this is really intense.

"Lo siento, Chammy. I wish there was something I could do."

"Make the pain go away?" I asked through gritted teeth.

Matty smiled and I reached up to him and grabbed his shoulders. I gave them a tight squeeze as the contractions invaded my nervous system.

"Chamomille!" I looked around just after the pain settled in time to see my mom, my grandmother, Matthew's mom and his dad walking towards me.

My mother was the first to smother me with a hug until my grandmother pushed her to the side. Lucy and Eddie waited patiently for their hugs and when they did the pain came. I screamed out loud and they quickly got off me, looking worried.

"No, no. It wasn't you two. It was her." I said between pants, pointing to my belly.

"Her?" My mother asked. I watched my grandmother lean over and whisper something in her ear. My mom nodded and I threw her a sympathetic look as Dr. Philo came in.

"How are you Chamomille?" She asked sanitizing her hands.

"I'm as okay as I can be while dying to see my budding little flower."

Doctor smiled warmly at me before ducking down to check my cervix, "Well! You're fully dilated, are you ready to see your baby girl?"

My eyes bulged out of my head, "What?"

She took off her gloves, threw them in the trash, put her hands on her hips and looked at me, "Your little flower is ready to bloom."

I smiled slowly and widely. Of course I knew she was coming. Of course I knew it'd be soon, of course I was ready but nothing could prepare me for those words. I looked over at Matthew and he was smiling down at me.

"Okay, there can only be one more person in the room other than the parents. So decide that and I'll be back in a flash."

"I think we can all agree that I'll be that extra person. I think I deserve that much since I missed the entire pregnancy. Right?" The doctor's words were immediately replaced with my mother's and she ended her passive-aggressive rant, giving me a strange look in the end.

"Of course, mommy." I had to force a smile, trying my hardest to keep any negative vibes from getting to my almost-born child.

"Okay, Millie. We'll be right outside in the emergency room. Dame una nieta muy bonita y saludable. Te amo." Lucy kissed my forehead and Eddie kissed my head after her kind words.

"Yo también te quiero." I replied and watched them leave the room.

My grandmother slowly walked over to me and bent down, "I don't know why you didn't tell anyone about your pregnancy, but I know you had your reasons. It hurt Chamomille, it really did. But I don't love you any less and I can't wait to meet your daughter."

I cried as she hugged and rocked me a little. I knew good and well how shitty it was not to tell my mother and grandmother but I did this for me. Having them know would have resulted in this huge thing. They would've dragged me back home and I couldn't leave Matthew or they would've complained about 'the city' and stressed me out the entire time.

Oh God! And that episode I had just before going into labor would have just been the icing on top of a rotten cake and I didn't need that. These are all theories of course, but I know my family damn well and I was fairly sure that my pregnancy would have been pure pandemonium in classic Willow/Lilly fashion.

Do I feel bad that their feelings got jacked up? Totally. Do I regret my choice? No way.

Then I heard, "It's time to push Mommy!" And I didn't care about anything else.
*****

"Oh she's almost out! One more push! Daddy, count for her!"

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!"

Then I felt it. She was here and I started bawling, "Happy Birthday my baby!" I said as they laid her over my chest and wiped her clean. As soon as I reached for her they took her away. "Hey! Give her back!" Then I heard crying.

"What the hell is going on?" Matthew asked, hesitating to leave my side but also looking through the bevy of staff to find our daughter. She was back into view in ten seconds, mostly cleaned off and I reached for her.

"We just had to clean her off and give her a shot. Here's your precious." The nurse said giving her to me and I gently held her and realized that I haven't stopped crying.

Being pregnant was one thing, giving birth was another but seeing and holding a child that I created was something surreal. I nuzzled my baby girl and kissed her and held close, vaguely noticing her daddy impatiently waiting behind me.

"Well don't just stand there! Hold your baby!" He turned and quickly washed his hands then ran over to me and scooped up our daughter. It was a sight, seeing two humans that I was in love with and I would have them forever.

Someone touched my hand, I looked and saw my mother. At the last minute she had decided to not stay for the birth and I had to breathe a sigh of relief at that. She was doing very little all the while making me uncomfortable ever since she came to the hospital.

I squeezed her hand back as Lucy, Eddie and Grandma walked back into the room. They formed a single file line by the sink and took turns holding my little mango. Matthew and I watched everyone fall under the spell of our little girl.

He came in front of me and kissed me full on the mouth. There was something different in the kiss and I knew it had something to do with our newborn. We were complete and in love and in our own bubble, so deep in the bubble that I hardly heard a nurse walk in.

"Oh how gorgeous. Did you decide on a name for your sweetie?" She asked.

I panicked a little. I didn't research any names these few months and I was drawing a blank at the moment. I looked at my baby, who was now being held by my grandma. She had just then opened her eyes and they weren't like mine or Matt's and that's when I knew what her name was.

"Mariposa Celia Sanchez."