Anything can happen

14) Loneliness

School was awful.Home life was awful. Relationships were awful. I hated everything. Matthew had been gone 2 days, 2 whole days. Me and Flo were back at our horrific private school and I still hadn't heard from Matthew. Maybe he was busy with filming or something. I spoke to my mum about the costs of texts to Canada but she didn't seem to mind, she joked 'all in the name of love'. But he hadn't replied to my numerous texts and calls. He was obviously busy. But I felt as if my heart had been ripped out. I needed him. I was staying back at home because of school, nothing felt right. My bed was cold, constantly. I needed him there, his beautiful body, him caressing me. Our intimate moments. I needed a warm hug from him. I lay still in my bed, not wanting to move until Matthew was here with me. My phone rings, I reach up as quick as the speed of light to grab it. I stare at the screen. To my disappointment it's just Flo. I don't answer, I love her but I don't need anyone but Matthew right now.

Text: From Florence Kennedy:

Look, I know you're down but don't ignore me, I love you millions you're my bestfriend. He'll call you soon, I can bring over ice cream if you want? xxxxxx cheer up buttercup xxxxxx

I quickly text her back, I'm as blunt as a knife but I can't be dealing with anyone. I send her this-

Hi flo, thanks you're a great friend but really dont feel like talking x

I know I must of annoyed her. But I just can't talk, eat or move. I need Matthew. 

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The next day at school, Flo met me in the morning, she came bearing gifts. She gave me a brown paper bag, at first I thought it was a lunch bag. She told me to look at it later, she didn't want me thinking about what it was whilst at school. We headed to our first class, Chemistry. I wanted to cry, this is not what I needed first thing in the morning! My teacher was an relatively young man, who was so far off attractive It hurt looking at him. He was so strict and ugly, I really hated him. He bored on about oxygen and formulas and all of that before I just stopped concentrating. I stared into the posters in front of me, not reading the information, I was just day dreaming. Reminiscing the times I had with Matthew, Atticus and Cameron. All of a sudden everyone started grabbing their bags and packing up their things, time for English. I liked english,  It was my only talent I had, I had 3 consecutive A's in that class! However, I still couldn't listen to what my teacher was saying. My mind was focused on.. other things.. well people.

The day slowly crawled by and it was finally time to go home. I waited for Florence by her class, she finally came out and we walked home in silence. We normally had so much to talk about, we had been friends for so many years! But we both knew we were thinking about the boys. Missing them. When I got home I hugged Flo goodbye and thanked her for being such a great friend, I knew she was trying to cheer me up, but nothing was enough. I walked through the front door and into the kitchen. I placed my oversized school satchel onto the posh black work tops. My mum greeted me, singing 'hello!' She was in an overly happy mood, brilliant just what I need, I thought. She hugged me and it just reminded me of Matthew. I put on a brave face and made small talk. I grabbed my school bag and made my way to my room. I grabbed my laptop and planted it onto my large double bed. I pulled up my blog, It was the best escape mechanism. I decided to write a text post

New Text Post

Leaving someone is so hard. Especially when they mean so much to you, but I guess all I can do is sit and wait for a text, I hope they're thinking of me as much as I'm thinking of them.

I sat and stared at the screen when something hit me. I used to be a big fan of some celebrities and I followed their 'fan blogs' what if Matthew had one? I typed into the tag box 'Matthew Knight' and there it was. Hundreds of photos, videos and gifs of him. Ones mainly from My Babysitters a Vampire. There were even photos of Atticus and Cameron. It felt as if my heart actually hurt. He was so wanted, so attractive. He was mine, I feel as if he isn't anymore. He's probably purposely ignoring me. I noticed one post by Mklover725, she had posted a photo of Matthew. He was wearing one of the t-shirts I had slept in. It was light blue colour, with a darker blue collar. He looked so perfect, angelic. His brown eyes invited me in, I needed him. I text him again, asking how his flight was, if he was safe, for the tenth time. I noticed another blog had posted a photo of all of the boys together, but when I looked closer I noticed the background. I recognised that kitchen table, that black flooring, the photo hung on the wall. It was taken in Florence's house!!! Who had this photo? How! It was from a blog called 401error. I clicked the title, my jaw dropped. It was Cameron's blog. He had posts from our days out here! Wow. At least they had arrived home safely, and they weren't in any trouble. But it just reinstated the fact Matthew was probably ignoring me. 

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I had fallen asleep with my laptop placed on my lap. I was exhausted. The rush of the past six weeks and then getting up early for school had tired me out. I put my laptop on my desk and went down stairs. I found my dad in his office, ina strong worded phone call. I hung by the door, being nosey. All I could pick up on was things that didn't make much sense, something on the lines of 'company relocation' and 'business oppurtunities' and he even mentioned 'opportunities for the family'. Whatever any of that meant. I hung about waiting for his phone call to end, he grabbed his note pad and wrote down 'sorry babe, this is VERY important, talk later x' he passed it to me, walking away straight after to say some rude words to the man on the end of the phone. Ooooer, important. I walked away not bothered, I was used to my parents being busy. 

I made my way up the stairs, and snuggled into bed. I fished out the brown paper bag that Flo had handed me that morning. I opened it with suspense, wondering what could be in there. I pulled out the material and unfolded it. To my surprise, it was Matthews shirt. the two toned blue one. I smiled, as it unfolded it there was a hand written note. I recognised the handwriting, it was Flo's. She had written -

Cass, this could either cheer you up or upset you more, I found it in the bedroom, keep it x

I really appreciated the thought. I decided to take off my current pyjamas, leaving me in just my frilly knickers. I pulled on Matthew's t-shirt. It hadn't been washed, it still smelt just like him.I curled up in my bed and slowly fell asleep.