Static Radios and Broken Lights

2: An Oblivious Angel and the Impatient Brother

The motel room was quiet aside from Sam's small snores. I sat up, still tired from an almost nonexistent sleep. The alarm clock on my nightstand told me it was almost four am. I kept thinking about waking Sam, to get on the road and go home, to the bunker.

or maybe I just wanted someone to talk to about how I was feeling. Who else could I tell? All of our friends were dead. And I sure as hell couldn't talk to Cas about this. Even if he did understand it, would he be okay with it?

Instead of thinking about that, I decided to pull on my boots and jacket and take a walk. I left the motel room and got a coke from the vending machines outside. I walked a few blocks away to a park and sat down on one of the benches. I sipped my drink and looked up at the stars.

"Cas?" I practically whispered. "Are you listening?" I looked to my side, and he was sitting there, watching the stars with me.

He met my gaze. "Hello, Dean."

I broke our eye contact first. "I thought you wouldn't come."

"I always come when you call," he replied, tilting his in confusion like always. "Are you alright? You seem different, Dean."

I looked at him again. I sighed, and proceeded to go out of character. "i don't know how to say this."

He turned to face me with his whole body. "You can tell me, Dean."

I shook my head slightly, hiding my face by staring at the ground. "I don't think you'll understand, Cas." Even like this, opening up was difficult.

"Dean," he bowed his head slightly and looked up at me. In typical Cas fashion. "I am capable of understanding many concepts."

I cleared my throat. He stared at me with his innocent blue eyes. I felt my eyebrows push together and raise in the middle. He copied my expression in a sympathetic manner. "Say there's two people," I began, squeezing my hands together. "Person A likes Person B, as more than a friend. Are you with me so far?" My nerves were making me anxious, begging me to stop.

Cas nodded, "Yes, Person A is romantically attracted to Person B. that seems quite simple, Dean."

I sighed again. "Let me complicate it for you. I'm Person A, and you're Person B."

His eyes widened slowly, and his jaw dropped a little. He turned his face away from me.

I sighed and finally dropped my gaze from the stars. It was difficult to even imagine a conversation like that with Cas. I drew in a pained breath. I pushed down my longing to talk to him, just in case that accidentally summoned him.

I walked back to the motel slowly. It was almost five am now, and my nose and ears had gone numb from the morning air. I walked a bit faster.

I opened and shut the door quietly, trying not to wake Sam. I took off my boots and laid back down on my bed.

Sam shifted. "Are you okay?"

I turned my head to see his eyes on me. "What do you care?" I asked defensively, immediately regretting it.

"I'm your brother, Dean," He sat up. "You were out there in the cold for an hour."

I looked away and fought off annoyance. Deep down, I really appreciated that he cared so much. I looked back and turned to face him, sitting up as well. I shot him a look that said, this is rare so shut up and listen. "I've just been having some ... weird problems lately."

Concern spread across his face. "You mean ... Cas?"

I shushed him quickly. "Don't. You might call him down here." I gave him a warning look.

He chuckled and smirked. "And we wouldn't want that now, would we?" His smug face soon shifted back to one of concern. "But seriously, what's wrong?"

I sighed. I decided to go with my gut and open up a little. "I can't stop thinking about him, Sammy," I put one of my hands on my forehead. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Dean," He assured me. He shifted on his bed again, folding his legs together. "You're just you. The only one who truly has to accept that -- the only person that  actually matters -- is you."

I stood forcefully. Heart to heart time with Dean was over. "Shut it with all that sappy crap. He and i aren't even the same species! Doesn't that feel wrong to you?" I shouted and waited for him to answer.

His jaw simply clenched. "How do you expect me to answer that?"

I sat down and threw myself backwards onto the bed. It creaked a little under my weight. "I don't -- I don't know."

"Have you even tried talking to Cas?" Sam suggested. His voice was full of assurance, helpful, soothing even.

"Talking to me about what?" I sat up immediately and found the source of the gruff voice.

"Cas," I said softly. I glanced at Sam, He heard you.

"Talking to me about what?" He politely demanded, his eyes trained on me.

I shook my head. "Nothing," I said unconvincingly. I shot Sam a helpless glance.

Sam finally decided to speak up. "Dean wanted to tell you something!" He said excitedly. The smile on his face told me that he wanted to be a witness to what was about to be said.

I glared at him this time. "No, I didn't, Sam," I said firmly.

Cas sat down in a chair a few feet away from me, between our beds. His eyes were trained on me still. "Well that just isn't true. You've been wanting to talk to me for awhile. I could feel it."

I furrowed my brows. "You did?" I said quietly. "Why didn't you come talk to me?"

"Because I also felt that you didn't want me around," He said, breaking his gaze and looking at the ground. "It felt like you were hiding something."

"Well, I'm not," I said quickly. "Definitely not."

He looked unconvinced. He glanced at Sam, who had an amused smile on his face. He looked back to me, and asked both of us, "Have I missed something?"

"Cas," Sam started. Cas looked at him.

"Sammy!" I yelled, giving him a pleading look. "You can shut it now."

Cas nodded at Sam, waiting intently to hear what he had to say. I stood up threateningly. "Dean likes you," He said.

I closed to gap between us in one step and covered his mouth, jumping on him. He let out a groan. I looked over my shoulder at Cas as Sam struggled against me.

His blue eyes stared at me, and his brows furrowed slightly.

I let Sam go and slid to the floor, sitting back in defeat. I broke away from Cas's gaze and held my head in my hands.

I didn't want it to happen like this. Not like this.

Word count: 1161