That Stupid Little L-Word:

Chapter Forty One:

"Now all you have to do is subtract the three from this," Amanda is saying, and she uses the tip of her pencil to point out the path I need to take in order to figure out the answer. I stare at the page blankly, unable to obtain anymore information. My stomach is killing me for some ungodly reason, and I want to hide away in my bathroom and puke my guts up. 

"Amanda," I groan. "I can't do this."

Amanda thunks her pencil against my head, and I yelp. My hand lifts to rub at the top of my head and I grumble obscenities under my breath. "You can do this, and you will. Now come on. Work out the rest of the problem," Amanda says as she points to the worksheet. 

I suffer through the math problem of doom and then lean backwards in my seat. "Can we please take a break?" 

She rolls her eyes. "Alright, I'll give you five minutes, and then you have to finish the rest of this sheet. Got it?"

I beam happily. 

She plops down atop my bed and lets out a long, drawn out sigh. I spin around in my chair so I don't have to look at the horrible paper on my desk. My eyebrow arches at the frustrated expression she fixates onto her phone. "What is it?"

"Ah," Amanda murmurs as she glances up. She presses her lips together and regards me with a speculative look. Then she sighs. "I was just talking to one of my friends. I'm not quite sure what to do about him right now." 

I gesture for her to elaborate with my hand. 

"He likes me," she admits, and her cheeks turn a bright cherry red. "He wants to know if I will go to the movies with him tomorrow night." 

"Do you like him?" I grin. 

Amanda's cheeks turn a brighter red. "I-I don't know." 

I fold my arms atop the back of my computer chair and rest my chin on them. The scratchy material of my dragon sweater --courtesy of my lovely boyfriend-- brushes against my skin. "What do you mean?"

She lets out a small sigh. I earn another questioning look, and then Amanda scratches the back of her head nervously. Her gaze falls to the floor. "Well, I'm just not sure how I feel about him right now. He's not usually my...type." 

"So?" I laugh. "If you like him, then you like him. Just give him a shot." 

"That's not..." Amanda presses her lips together into a tight line. Her eyes narrow at the baseboards, and then she looks up at me. "I like girls." 

I feel my eyes widen into round saucers, and then I smile at her. Homosexuality has never bothered me, but I know a lot of people in the South aren't exactly keen with the idea. It must have taken her a lot of courage to come out to me like that. "Okay...and your point? You can date both girls and guys." Then a thought crosses my mind, and I re-examine everything I'd already said. I sound so pushy. I scratch my head sheepishly. "I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to push you to date him. I just think that if you like him, and he likes you, then why not take the chance?" 

"I guess," Amanda muses with a nod. Her lips stretch back into a relieved smile. "It'll just shock everyone at school." 

"Who cares?" I shrug slightly. "I'm sure more scandalous things will come up and everyone will get over it after a while." 

Amanda laughs. 

I sigh softly and regard her with a weak smile. "I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did. Take every opportunity that comes at you." 

"What do you mean?" She arches an eyebrow. 

"I lost my best friend a couple years ago." My gaze shifts toward the ground. The emptiness inside my heart doesn't feel quite so desolate, and I wonder if Blue-Eyes is to blame. "And, despite his attempts to take me out, I didn't think that I liked him that way. I didn't realize that I was head over heels until it was too late." 

Amanda's facial features twist into a grimace. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry." 

I shake it off. "Don't worry about it. I don't really like to talk about it." I cock my head to the side and purse my lips. "Actually, you're like the only person I've told, to be honest." 

"Really?" Her eyes shot open wide. "Not even Blue-Eyes?"

I shake my head. "Nope. And I doubt that I ever will. I just...I don't know. I'm not sure that I feel comfortable about telling him something like that." 

"He'd probably throw a hissy fit." 

I snort. 

A small moment of silence passes between us. Amanda rests her hands atop her lap, and fiddles her fingers. She glances at me from the corners of her eyes. "You really aren't bothered by the fact that I like girls?" 

I make a face. "No. I don't care about what/who you like. It's not like it will affect me in anyway." I pause. "Unless...you like..." I trail off awkwardly. 

"You wish," Amanda snorts. She shakes her head and shoots me a cheeky grin. "You're my best friend. I would have seduced you by now if I really liked you like that." 

I laugh and wink at her. "You would have tried to anyways." 

Amanda wags her eyebrows. "I would have succeeded." 

"Do your parents know?" I ask, genuinely curious. 

She nods and smiles slightly. "My mom knew the second I came out of the womb. It took a couple years in order for my dad to get used to it. I'm seriously lucky that they're so accepting and understanding. My extended family doesn't know though, because they can be pretty judgmental."

I nod. "At least you have your parents' support." 

She beams and nods. "They're wonderful. Now if only the school could get over it." Then she arches an eyebrow at me and asks, "Does your mom know about your recent...activities with Seth?" 

I blanch and shake my head. "She would murder me." 

"You better watch out," Amanda says as she stands and gestures toward the worksheet behind me. "You could get pregnant." 

Happy New Years! I hope you have a lovely holiday :)