HAPPY ENDING | markhyuck/renhyuck [ ✔️ ]

03. HAPPINESS

❝ (𝑶𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝑳𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒔 𝑼𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔) ❞

donghyuck

11:38PM

are you happy renjun?

[ donghyuck had asked before... the previous night. why'd he wanna know? ]

11:39PM

why you ask?

11:41PM

i don't know if i'm happy

11:42PM

you have minhyung now
aren't you happy about that?

11:45PM

i don't know
and i feel guilty for saying that i don't know
i feel guilty because he's so nice now
like,,

11:46PM

like he's normal.. or
he's good now, renjun.. and i feel guilty for not trusting him still

11:48PM

you don't trust him?
why?

11:50PM

i don't know
i don't know renjun.. i don't know so many things

[ renjun felt a twang in his heart. ]

11:52PM

i don't know if i'm happy, don't know if i should stay here, don't know if i deserve minhyung or if minhyung deserves me, don't know what's right for me, i don't know the right thing, what is the right thing? i don't know what i feel i'm just so lost.

11:56PM

you deserve to be happy, hyuck.. i don't know what to do...

'course he did. the lingering feeling wouldn't go away, now would it? it's been there, grinding itself into renjun's core. he didn't even know what is was. he could only identify it as the driving force of his sleepless nights and the tears that came along with them.

[ donghyuck: i want to be happy with you ]

how... how could he react to something like that?

[ donghyuck: good night, renjun. ]
[ donghyuck: sleep well, be happy ]

renjun lay on his back and exhaled loud, eyes holding onto the blank ceiling. did he want to cry? scream? sit up? go walk around the house? drink a cup of water? what the fuck does he want to do? he did it all in his mind, his body unwilling to move anywhere.

[ donghyuck: if i can't be happy then you have to ]

lee donghyuck...

renjun turned over the message donghyuck had sent. i want to be happy with you, what the fuck did that mean? donghyuck saw the message from back then, he must've known the consequences of saying such a thing to the very person who'd confessed about a month prior. surely he knew. he had to.

i want to be happy with you

"i wish i could be happy with you too,"

daybreak came and renjun awoke with the sun. god, was this what it was like to have a good sleep schedule? renjun honestly contemplated actually fixing it but washed those thoughts away with a morning brew. sure, coffee wasn't his thing but... well after he had been left in the dust- erm... after donghyuck had... oh, for lack of a better fucking term, abandoned him, renjun couldn't bear to step foot into the café he usually frequented, for fear of seeing the boy who had forgotten him so easily.

without his usual tea on the menu, renjun resorted to powdered coffee sticks. god did it taste horrible the first few times but his tastebuds got used to the slight bitter aftertaste no matter how much sugar and milk he'd add.

so renjun sat and stared out his window. he watched the sun rise high, heard the chirping of the birds subside and the cars and kids beginning to leave to their jobs and schools. renjun took a sip. the air was still crisp and cool, remainders of the night before. renjun would like to think that the events of the last night would remain in that night. and so as the sun rose higher and took the cool night air away with it, renjun cleared his head from yesternight, a warm sip of overly sweetened coffee nicely wrapping his thoughts up and tucking them away into a deep corner of his mind, never to be thought about again.

until, of course, a new evening came and caused havoc in his mind; chests of thoughts flipped open, glass vials of feelings and emotion broken, shattered on the floor, contents spilling everywhere and sleeping into renjun's consciousness, the tear ducts opened wide and ready to release any moment...

but of course, renjun would be able to hold it now wouldn't he? he was strong. he could be strong. but did he ever be strong?

absolutely not.