Banana Fish Oneshots

Is It Too Late For Me?

Free. 

That's the first word that popped into Ash's mind as he watched the delicate snowflakes fall from the cloudy New York skies. It was a strange feeling for the blond gangster, a foreign concept in his life. He took a shuddering sigh, the cold winter's wind biting against his pale face and unclothed hands. 

Freedom. 

It was almost at his reach, just a touch from his fingertips. 

'I'm just being delusional.' Ash bitterly chuckled in his head, a lone tear rolling against the contours of his face, the sensation of ice prickling his skin causing him to weakly move his arm to wipe it off. In his other hand clutched his most precious possession in a vice grip, not allowing the harsh winds from taking it away. 

"Eiji..." Ash whispered, a fond smile twitching up from his lips though his jade eyes glistened in tears. Was it sadness from letting his dear go? Or was it from happiness knowing that Eiji would be safe. Safe in Japan. Safe from his life. 

Safe from him.

"You weren't meant for this world Eiji. Not in my world. Someone... so pure like you doesn't deserve to be in it." Crystal tears formed at the corners of his eyes, threatening to fall at any moment. The memories of Eiji played through his mind, erasing the pain Ash was feeling, momentarily. 

Seeing him enter the bar, awkward and shy like a puppy, completely out of his element. Pale fingers clutching the camera tightly. Ash couldn't help but feel intrigued. He didn't except someone so... soft to be in an underground bar of all places. 

"Is that gun real?" 

Ash turned around, lips sealed the rim of his bottle as he took a swig of beer. He raised an eyebrow in confusion. 

"Meaning?" He asked, perplexed by such an odd question. 

Eiji's large brown eyes looked back at him, wavering in nervousness. He blushed slightly, scratching at his cheek with his pointer finger. 

"Real guns are illegal in Japan. Can I hold it?" 

Ash weakly chuckled at the memory. Eiji truly did intrigue him. Something about the Japanese boy drew him in like a large gravitational pull, attracting everyone in his vicinity and Ash, he let himself be dragged towards his light, his pureness... his world. Every passing day with Eiji felt like a fantasy, a fairy tale where everyone gets their happy ending and Ash indulged in it. He indulged in the possibility of having his happy ending with Eiji but... 

Life isn't a fairy tale. Life doesn't owe anyone a happy ending. That reality finally hit Ash like a semi- truck driving 100km/h on the freeway. It plowed him to the ground and it hurt like hell. The blonde felt his eyes get heavy with every breath shallower than the previous. From the far distance he could hear the sound of a woman's scream and people's rushed voices but nothing mattered. Nothing mattered at all except the memories of Eiji in this one moment. 

"I have always wished I could have lived a more normal life." Ash sighed, looking towards his side and away from the boy who sat right in front of him. 

'You can Ash, it's not too late!"  Eiji stated with a raised voice, his brown eyes steeled with determination as he addressed Ash. "You can do anything." 

A soft smile arose across Ash's lips. He pictured a life with Eiji in Izumo. Quiet, peaceful and most of all... free. A life where he could be with his most precious person, away from the guns, violence and danger. 

It sounded like a dream. 

'And that's all it was. A dream.' Ash's fingers weakly clutched at Eiji's letter, moving his arm to bring it closer towards his heart, making his faintly beating heart come back to life. 

"Maybe this is for the best Eiji. I wish..." Ash paused, feeling his body go in and out of consciousness. His vision began to darken as the sounds around him began to blur and blend. The only thing he could focus on right now was keeping Eiji in his mind until the end. Faintly he could register the sounds of an ambulance in the distance. 

"Hey, can you hear me?The ambulance is almost on it's way. Please make a sound if you're awake!" A man's voice cut through. All Ash could muster was a slight hum, his energy draining from his body like the blood that spilled from his stab wound, staining the snow red. 

"Everything will be okay, just hang on! Just hang on a little while longer!" Ash turned his head towards the sky, watching the heavens above. He weakly moved his arm towards the sky, the clouds parting to reveal a sliver of the sun's light to shine down on Ash. 

 "I wish I could've been... with you Eiji. I wish... I could... have joined you.. in Japan... my Eiji." Ash's voice got weaker with every word, hushing down to an almost inaudible whisper. 

"Stand back everyone, paramedics going through!" A loud voice cut through the crowd. Ash felt a pressure on his wound while his body was lifted of the snowy ground. 

"Maybe... it is too late for me Eiji." 

With that, Ash smiled softly, his world fading to black. 

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Well, here's an angsty oneshot. I was inspired by this one line from Bojack Horseman which was 'is it too late for me?' and I thought it worked well in the context for Ash and Eiji. 

Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed! ^_^