B̥ͦi̥ͦl̥ͦl̥ͦi̥ͦe̥ͦ e̥ͦi̥ͦl̥ͦi̥ͦs̥ͦh̥ͦ i̥ͦm̥ͦḁͦg̥ͦi̥ͦn̥ͦe̥ͦs̥ͦ

No problem

I climb the stairs with shaky hands sighing as I reach the top of the staircase.

The opening to the balcony of my room stood in front of me.

No one loves me.

Accepts me.

I open the door and sat down on the edge.

If it was any other time it would be frightening, but for now it was calming.

It was a breath of fresh air.

I looked down at the soft grass as a smile graced my lips.

The cool air flowing through my disheveled curly hair.

"I'm gay."

The words that I should've never said rams through my head as I think of all the trauma it's put me through.

Cries.

Heart ache.

Glass.

Blades.

Blood.

Gosh so much blood.

My eyes are now pooled with tears as my vision becomes blurry.

I twiddle with the railing softly.

I wonder how would my blood look smeared all over the pretty green grass.

How long will it take someone to find me?

If they ever do.

That's a problem for dead me though.

If I die I want to at least be able to run through someone's head for a quick second.

At least for someone to know me for a few seconds while I'm dead. Even if they would forget me in less than 24 hours.

I grab my phone and quickly pinch in suicide hotlines number.

I get anxious as the phone rings.

Ring

Ring

Ring

I sighed in defeat thinking they wouldn't answer.

But just as I'm about to put my phone down I hear the softest yet strongest and raspiest of voices.

"Hello?" The voice asked.

I thought they put answer machines behind them, not actual people.
Huh? Then again I've never actually called them so how would I know.

"Hello, is this suicide hotline?" I ask as my fiddling on the rails became worse.

I hear a heavy sigh on the opposite end.

"No." The voice stated.

"Oh I'm sorry, I'll hang up now."

"No!" The voice quickly says.

"You can't talk to me. My names billie. What's yours?" She asked.

"Y/n" I said softly.

"Such a pretty name" she cooed.

"What are you doing right now y/n?" She asked.

"I'm sitting on the edge of my balcony." I said quietly.

She breathes out shakily for a second.

"I want you to get up and take a couple steps back for me ok?" She said.