𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐄

17

DECEMBER 2000

This is one of the first Christmas's that I spent time alone with Maralei ever since she was a baby. Usually, it was me, her, and Pac but were one short...again. It's ok cause I got her everything she's every wanted. Every Christmas holiday, we spend the nights over my mom's house, Me, Raina, Ronald and all of our cousins (mostly the babies) and our aunts. My moms house actually WAS that big. But now that I had a big house that we could all fit in, everybody will come over on Christmas Day.

We'd laugh, talk, eat, look at old baby pictures and memories and everything. We were all at the dinner table eating some chicken and salad when we were talking about old memories.
"So Lisa, how you been holding up?" My aunt, Tangie asked while eating her chicken. I nodded and shrugged, "I mean..it's hard. But I know he's in me and my baby's heart. I see a lot of him in her." I smiled and laughed. "Yeah, you guys were the cutest couple." She chuckled.

"Thank you!" I laughed. "But after this break tho, I'm going on a cleanse.." I took a big, fat bite out my salad. "Girl what the hell?" My cousin, Bri asked. "What?" I asked, cluelessly. "You're already thin as can be! Whatchu going on a diet for?" She laughed.
"First off, it's not a diet. It's to clean the toxins all out my body...and plus I need a change. Every woman does at one point." I shrugged it off and kept eating.

Honestly, I was tired of living in Pac's shadow, tired of being sad about his death, tired of grieving. I was ready to let him go with the universe. I love him so much to let him go..which I should've done a long time ago.

"And it's time for me to let him go. I'm tired of being sad and hurt still about his death. He's in my heart and spirit. I love him so much but I can't be upset anymore." I shrugged and nodded. "Good for you, Lisa. You're a hardworking woman with a beautiful spirit. It's always ok to let go sometimes, always. And now you have a beautiful tiny, little spirit of your own, she reminds me of you when you were younger." My Aunt Velma told me while kissing my cheek. All I could do was smile.

I let Maralei eat her food real quick fast then she went to play with her cousins until it was time to go. I was in the guest room, writing in my journal when my mom knocked and came in. "Hey Lisa...I wanna talk to you, baby."

"What's up, mama?" I looked up and closed my journal. "I just-...every since you gave birth to Maralei, I couldn't stop thinking about the day you were born. You were the smallest, cutest, big-eyed baby I've ever saw in my life and I was just thinking...'wow...'. You've grown from a outgoing, bright young girl to a deep, devoted, amazing young woman and I'm proud that God blessed me with a talented, sweet girl like you..you know the other day, I was thinking about your father and I. How we had our ups and downs just like you and Tupac had you know? You guys were very similar to our relationship except the abusive part. But you guys reminded me of me and your father in our young days. And I'm proud that you stuck it out for the past years about Tupac. And if you wanna go on a cleanse, do what you want! You're your own woman! It's your life, live it how you wanna cause I ain't mad at ya. Just be safe with it ok?" She smiled.

I smiled and hugged her. "I love you mom...like seriously, you're my favorite woman on earth." I kissed her cheek. "No problem, babygirl. Happy holidays." She winked at me then left me to my room, alone.

I turnt the computer on and logged into my account on my 'The Eye Is Right' page that I keep in touch with my fans with and I put a small little message on there.

"Merry Christmas to everyone!! I hope everyone is having a amazing holiday and eating good! This is the first Christmas I spent with my daughter since she was born and I'm honestly happy as ever! There will be more chats that I'll answer soon! Love you, Eyenetics! Sweet Dreams!"