Loki X Reader One Shots || 𝐹𝐿𝑈𝐹𝐹 + 𝑆𝑀𝑈𝑇

Secret (Almost) Lovers (Part 4)

"Crabapples."

That one had confused Loki more than anything else, his lips twitching into another smile. I'm not saying he was imagining a mutant-crab-crossed-with-an-apple hybrid but I'm not saying he wasn't either. "What's a crabapple?"

"A plant. They grow fruit that's like normal apples but more sour."

"I'll take your word for it. Cockles."

"Cockchafer."

Loki narrowed his eyes at Y/N in disbelief. "You're just making them up now."

"I swear I'm not, it's a type of beetle. In Europe."

"Sextant."

"Oh, yes, very good, how did I miss that one? Kumquat."

This made Loki cough a rather undignified laugh and he dipped his head, trying to hide it behind his hair that had come untucked from his ears. When he'd righted himself (as much as he could, whilst having a trachea full of vegetables) he asked: "And that is?"

Y/N was finding the shade of pink his face had gone rather amusing. "It's another fruit. Kind of like an orange."

"Oh, is it, now? I was going to say, 'I'll make you kumquat later'."

This made them both explode with laughter, it having built up and built up until their stiff lips couldn't contain it any longer. By this time, several more people had joined the mousy and ginger woman in watching Y/N and Loki's not-very-well stifled snickering, and with Loki's reaction to 'kumquat', the entire table turned in unison to raise an eyebrow at them.

Y/N and Loki had been so distracted they hadn't even noticed.

Y/N was right when she'd guessed they'd only have a piteously small amount of strikes before something happens. She'd also been right in guessing that what did happen was Not Good.

The silence that followed Y/N and Loki's realisation that they had an audience was full and heavy and uncomfortably hot. Their giggles didn't stop abruptly; somehow even humiliated shock isn't even enough to dampen their good mood. No, they continued for a stupid amount of time, trickling to a slow, painful stop under the scrutinising gaze of everyone in the room. Y/N had had to hold one hand up to the side of her face, blocking Loki from view, because, for some reason, every time she looked at him she felt a fresh peel of laughter bubbling up from her stomach. He was almost doing the same thing, staring with intense focus at his mashed potato as if hoping it would somehow tell him a sad story to wipe the smile from his face. The whole ordeal brought Y/N back to being at school when a friend across the room would be making silly faces and she'd be trying to hide her chuckling from the teacher. The only differences between that and her present scenario were the fact that the teachers in this scenario were several super-humans who also happened to employ her. And her friend wasn't a fellow classmate, he was a prisoner. A prisoner and a god. And they hadn't been exchanging funny faces, they'd been making sexual jokes about a fruit.

Y/N wondered what had happened to her life.

She wasn't complaining, just...bemused.

Tony took a while to say...well, anything, probably because he didn't know what to say. To say he was wildly unprepared for this situation would be an understatement. 

When he did finally speak it was with a hesitancy and a bitter edge. Like a father who'd just discovered his daughter was dating the local Bad Boy. 

In a way, that was almost what had happened. 

"Do either of you two want to explain to me what is going on?"

It was strange hearing him so serious. You'd think his lack of sarcasm would be a welcome change, but actually it was more unnerving than anything.