treacherous | ethma

5

Ethan

It was after the show in Dallas when I talked to Emma. I waited in her dressing room until she got there.

"Hey, baby. Great show tonight."

"Emma, come here right now."

Emma knew I wasn't messing around. I was being firm with my voice. I've rarely ever used this tone with her, so she knew it was something serious.

Her eyes slightly widened as she walked over to me, and I gently placed her against the counter, my arms on either side of her, and my hands resting on the counter. She couldn't get away if she tried.

"What's wrong, Ethan?"

"Tell me right now which drugs you've been using."

"What are you talking about?"

"Emma, don't lie to me. Tell me right this instant."

"Ethan—"

"Emma, please tell me. I need to know."

"Just some oxandrin and a little bit of cocaine."

"What the fuck, Emma?"

"I have it under control."

"No. It's obvious that you don't. Tell me why you think you have it under control."

"I can stop whenever I want."

"Then stop right now."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because."

"When did this start?"

"Phoenix."

"You started doing drugs the second we fucking left LA for the tour?"

Emma nodded.

"Emma, you know how dangerous that is?"

"I'm sorry."

"How did it start?"

"I was nervous, so Ashley gave me some anti-anxiety performance pills. Then I started needing them more and it eventually transitioned."

"When did the cocaine start?"

"Portland." She whispered.

"Fuck. Emma, why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I'm sorry."

I was silent for a while. I couldn't believe that this was Emma. My Emma. This wasn't her. I felt like it was partly my fault. How did I not realize what was happening? How did I let it get to the point where I didn't recognize my own fiancé who I knew since I was born?

"Emma, tell me if you're high right now."

"I took a little hit before the show. And during intermission."

I didn't want to believe this was real. I didn't want to have to say what I said next, but it had to be done. Emma could forgive me later. We could get back later, but she needed a wake up call.

"Emma, it's me or the drugs."

"What?"

"Me or the drugs, Emma. Your choice. If you choose the drugs, I'm out."

"Ethan—"

"Emma, answer the fucking question."

It broke my heart that she didn't answer right away. I was so scared that this was the end. The end of us. Our story. I was worried that Emma was too far gone to ever come back.

She couldn't even look me in the eye. She was just staring at the stomach part of my shirt. And then she started crying.

"You, Ethan, you. I need help. Please help me. I didn't mean for it to go this far, I'm so sorry."

I pulled her into my arms as she cried into my chest. I held onto her so tightly. I was gonna figure out how to get her out of this. I had to.

"Were gonna get you some help, Nina. I promise we're gonna get you out of this. I love you so much, baby, and I want you to be safe. I want my Emma back. My Cara."

Emma pulled slightly away, and she looked up at me. I couldn't help but wipe her tears away with my thumb. "Bring Olivia in here."

I nodded, pulling away from Emma, and opening the door. Everyone was still backstage, so I motioned for Olivia to come into the room.

"We need to figure out what's next for the tour. Emma needs to go to rehab."

Olivia shut the door. Emma wrapped her arms around my stomach. She needed my support more than ever right now.

"We can take the dates in between now and Christmas and move them to after what was supposed to be the end of the U.S. leg."

I looked at Emma, who was already looking at me.

"That's what we need to do." Emma said.

"We're gonna get you help, Nina." I said.

"Alright. We're going home now." Olivia said.

And that's what we did. Emma was checked in to a very good hospital in Los Angeles, and I stayed by her side the whole time.

She went through a detox to get the drugs out of her system, and to wean her from the addiction. She also got a therapist that helped with the mental health aspect of addiction recovery, and Emma had everything she needed to stop the drugs.

There were some really hard days for her. For me too. I hated seeing her struggle like this. It was emotionally hard on both of us, but she was working really hard to get back in control of her life.

I was so proud of her. I finally had my Emma back. And she really was back. The real Emma. The sober Emma.

We stayed at home for a while, just the two of us. Olivia came to check up on Emma once in a while, and the therapist came to the house every day to work with Emma. Sometimes I sat in with Emma during her sessions. We had a little bit of couple's therapy too, which was refreshing for both of us.

At the end of the day, I was happy that Emma chose me over the drugs. I was happy that our relationship was strong enough to withstand the tests we had to go through to get her through addiction recovery.

Surprisingly, being around our dog Chip again was a big help. He was a good form of emotional support for Emma. It felt good to be home.

We actually packed our bags and flew back to Connecticut for Christmas. The next part of the tour wasn't starting until Mid-January, so we were going to be able to spend a lot of time with our family back home.

Times were rough, but Emma and I got through them and now we were happier than ever. I was so happy that she was in full recovery, and I hoped it would stay that way.

Addiction is a hard thing to kick, and Emma kicked it. I figured if we could get through that together, nothing would ever tear us apart.