treacherous | ethma

9

Emma

Before we get to what happened, we have to go back in time a little bit.

After Ethan's and my big argument, I was really upset, but I was more pissed at him than anything. I was going through one of the biggest downfalls of my entire life, and he left me in the dust to go through it without him. It was in our vows for him to always be by my side in good times and in bad, and in sickness and in health. I was so sick, yet he was gone. I was afraid our marriage really was going to the pits.

I hated the thought of that. I didn't want to lose Ethan. Not now, not again, not ever. I needed him more than anything, yet he decided I was a lost cause.

Olivia stayed with me for the rest of the tour. She was my biggest support, letting me vent everything to her, and trying her best to keep me in check, which I needed. I was trying to stop, but Ethan being gone made it that much harder for me.

The paparazzi wasn't any help either. They noticed that Ethan and I weren't keeping each other as close as usual, and fans on Twitter started noticing it too. There were already break up rumors circling the media, even though neither of us have spoken on it. I hoped that was never something I would have to speak on, but unfortunately I was worried that it would happen eventually. I always just told them to have a good one, and did my best to catch up to Liv.

She really was my best friend.

Ethan would barely even look at me, and when he did he didn't seem happy to see me. Maybe he was still angry, or maybe he was sad that this could've been the end of us.

The last few weeks of the tour wrapped up, and Ethan was still sleeping by himself on the tour bus instead of with me in the hotel. At least Olivia was willing to hang out with me.

I wasn't trusting myself to be alone. That's a one way ticket to more cocaine, and I didn't want to risk getting even worse than I already was.

I hated not talking to Ethan. He was my fucking husband. I hated being separated. I wanted nothing more than to hear him call me Nina or Cara, or to get another hug from him. Or to smell the cologne that he knew I loved. I just wanted to be close to him again.

Ethan stayed away from me when we got home to LA, but he still did certain things for me like folding my laundry for me, or leaving a plate of food in the fridge for me.

I noticed he was spending a lot of time outside with Chip, and I spent a lot of time playing piano in the living room.

Somehow I was still writing songs like crazy. Heartbreak does that to you, I guess.

I walked into Olivia's office one day, shutting the door behind me. "I can't take this anymore. I am quitting."

"Cold turkey?" Olivia asked.

I nodded. "I have to, Liv. I need to save my marriage. Ethan is everything to me, and I need to prove that to him. I have to quit."

"Are you sure you don't want to go to rehab?"

"No. I can do this."

"I'm with you, sis. I'm proud of you for taking this step."

I smiled. "You're the best, Olivia."

-

So, I did just that. I fucking quit. There were times I didn't think I'd make it. I craved it so much the first couple of weeks, and I was starting to have insomnia. When I could sleep, I kept having nightmares.

Other than that, I was exhausted. Even playing the piano made me tired. I either wanted to eat, or sleep, and nothing else seemed appealing.

I fell asleep on the piano in the studios, and Olivia woke me up. I ended up going home early that day. I was so tired.

I decided to take a shower before I was going to lay down for a nap. Sometimes Chip liked to hang out in my room, and honestly that's something I'll be forever grateful for.

You see, I got into the shower, and at this point I was nearly half-asleep. I was so tired.

I could barely keep my eyes open as I washed my hair, and even small tasks like putting soap onto the loofah made me tired.

I started to feel dizzy, and I don't remember much, but from what I was told, I blacked out and fell, hitting my head on the floor.

Chip must've heard my fall, because he nudged the bathroom door open and came in. I guess dogs just sense when something's wrong, because Chip went and got Ethan, leading him to the bathroom where I was unconscious.

First of all, cocaine withdrawals were making me woozy, then I hit my head, slightly cracking it open, and my heart was slowing down. Not to mention that I was in the shower and could've drowned due to the water pouring down on me.

If Chip hadn't been in my room that day, I probably would've died. If Ethan wasn't home, I probably would've died.

But I was lucky that they were both there, and that Chip was smart enough to bring Ethan to me. I'll let Ethan tell the next chapter of the story, because I wasn't exactly awake for it. But it was important in bringing us together again.

Ethan called the ambulance, and I was taken to a nearby hospital. The doctors patched up my skull, and I was in a temporary coma due to how hard I had hit my head.

It didn't even feel like I was in a coma. I felt alive and well. Maybe I was in a different universe.

The dreams I had made it seem that way.