treacherous | ethma

11

Ethan

She still wasn't awake, but the doctors said it most likely wouldn't be much longer.

They also pulled me aside to discuss her options after she woke up. Therapy, rehab, and mental health assistance were all things that they recommended, but it was still gonna be up to Emma.

You have to want to be helped in order to be helped.

One day, I was sitting next to Emma, reading one of her favorite poetry books to her, when she finally opened her eyes.

I hit the nurse button as soon as I could, and the doctors came in a few minutes later, taking out her breathing tube, and running some tests on her to make sure she was breathing okay on her own.

Thank fucking God.

It took a little while before the doctors were gone, and I sat down next to her on the bed, softly cupping her face with my hand. "Cara," I whispered, a tear escaping my eye. "I love you so. much," I said, whispering the next part. "So much."

I looked into her eyes, which were welling up with tears. "Don't say anything," she said. "Just let me hold you."

So, I did. I leaned my head on her chest, and she wrapped her arms around my neck, her hand gently massaging my hair as we held each other close.

"I love you more than anything in this world," she said.

I lifted my head, leaning my forehead against hers. "I'm sorry for leaving," I told her. "Never again. I'm never gonna let you go, mia Cara."

"You're not the one that left," she said. "I was really far gone, and I'm never going back. I'm choosing you. I'll always choose you no matter how far gone I am."

"Olivia told me you quit."

"I did. All for you, baby. You're my everything. You always have been. I can't live without you."

Wrapping my arms tighter around her, I laid my head back down on her chest. This time I couldn't control the tears. "Emma, I love you so much, and when I almost lost you, for real, it was the scariest time of my life. We've been here for weeks now. I missed you so much, and all I wanted to do is tell you how much I fucking love you," I said. "I love you so much."

"I'm never gonna let myself slip away again. I promise. I love you so much," she said.

We cried together for a little while until it was time for her and I to discuss the next steps for her.

We decided on a mental health facility that had a retreat for drug addicts. She would be there for six weeks, and then she'd go back once a week for check-ups in case she ever needed additional help. We were also gonna get her detoxed, so the drugs would be flushed out of her system.

I was so happy for her because she was finally getting the help she deserved. God, I was proud of her for quitting.

The hospital kept her for another two weeks while Emma was detoxing, and then she went to the retreat.

It was six weeks long, and for the first two weeks, I couldn't see her. We still were allowed one phone call a day though.

She was finally allowed visitors the third week, but it could only be me or her parents even though she was an adult.

It felt so good to have Emma, and I mean the real Emma in my arms again. My Emma. Mia Cara.

Even though she had a few weeks left of the retreat, she was already doing so much better. This was exactly the kind of help she really needed from the beginning of her addiction.

I still felt terrible that I didn't know how to properly help her back then.

But right then, I knew that all of the trouble, all of the worry, and all of the heartbreak was finally over for good.

I got to visit her for an hour everyday, plus an hour phone call every night. We were gonna be okay.

After her six week retreat ended, she was happier than ever to simply be home. We spent a lot of time together, trying to make up for all the time we had lost in the recent months.

We played outside with Chip, we took walks around our property, and we wrote a bunch of music together.

We even started recording an album together.

It was like we were completely starting over, and I was glad for that. We were rebuilding the foundation of our marriage, and nothing could make me happier than that.

Even simply having her sleep next to me again made me feel like I could breathe for once. I guess I didn't realize just how hard it was to breathe when she wasn't next to me. 

It reminded me of when she first left Connecticut when we were sixteen. I didn't breathe for years until I started working at Signature, and we started dating. 

She was finally mine, yet she always had been. Even Grayson said that I wasn't myself unless Emma was around.

We got back on tour, yet Emma successfully stayed way from the drugs this time, and I was so fucking happy for her. Olivia and I both made sure to keep a close eye on Emma just in case, but Emma stayed sober. I was so proud of her.

The tour ended up going to Europe for two months, and that was an amazing experience. We also toured some parts of Asia including India, Beijing, and Tokyo. That was so much fun.

When we got back home, Emma and I resumed our quiet life of writing music together and hanging out with our dog Chip.

We co-produced some albums together for some of Signature's clients, and we went to some shows around LA to recruit new talents. I was proud of where we were.

We were finally happy, and that's all we needed.