Luka: Shattered Past

3rd March 2010

Dear Diary,
                    Spring is here. I missed the sunshine. Though I can't go outside to play as my dad forbids it. Which is fine as I haven't really been in the mood to play lately anyway. I tried to play some music on my dad's old guitar when he went out. I managed to have a bit of fun. I saw myself as a famous guitarist! Sadly, my father came home. Later I asked him if I could take part in an upcoming talent show at school using his guitar. But he yelled at me and confiscated the guitar. I sometimes wonder why do I even bother?

------------------------

The grey walls looked duller than ever. Luka thought the second he woke up from his nap.

He got up from his bed and peeked outside his bedroom door, trying to see or hear if his father was still in the apartment.

Complete silence.

Finally! The young boy cheered. He opened up all the curtains and carefully the windows. He noticed that one of them was cracked, as though ready to be smashed. He carefully lifted it up and peeked his curious head out. He was then met with the rays of sunshine from the outside world along with a bit of fresh air. He saw parents and their kids out playing, beautiful flowers that blossomed on the trees and up from the grass. And the birds chirping happily. Spring time came.

Luka imagined his family like that, happy and joyous, but immediately shrugged the thought away. As much as he wanted that scenario to happen, it just made him more depressed as it would never happen. His sad mood affected his way of thinking.

As he walked around the apartment, he realized that he was truly alone. His mother was out working again, Juleka was on school trip that lasted a few days, and his father was god knows where! The man leaving little Luka all alone, which the boy preferred.

He was about to go back to his bedroom and back to sleep as he wasn't in the mood to play or entertain himself, even if his father wasn't around. When out of the corner of his eye he saw something.

In his parents' bedroom was his father's old guitar hung on the wall. It was a present from his mother on their anniversary years ago. The very same one his father used to play him songs with and sing with him as a toddler. Luka and Juleka were never allowed in their bedroom, it wasn't a pleasant sight. However, curiosity called out for Luka, the guitar luring him in.

He gently picked up the guitar and examined it closely, it presented various scratch marks and scruffs. It was evident his father didn't bother to take care of it anymore which angered Luka slightly. He always wanted a personal guitar since he was very little, he would treasure and take care of it for as long as he could. The strings seemed to be still working.

An idea then struck him, he took the guitar to him room and got out the guitar book. For the next few hours, he played the instrument to his heart's content.

He even attempted singing, his voice rose and reverberated against the walls he was trapped in. All of a sudden, his imagination transported himself onto a stage, the stage lights changing to various colours shone directly onto him. The crowd of people cheering for him and dancing to his rhythm.

Luka knew then what he wanted to be when he grew up, he was going to be a musician. He would create music that lifted others, music that would express his talent, music that would-

SLAM!

Out of nowhere the stage and crowd he imagined disappeared. Oh no! He thought, his father was home.

He hid the guitar under his bed and climbed on top and faked being asleep. Luka tried to regulate his breathing as he was scared no doubt.

The creak of the door was heard, his father saw the boy sleeping. Julian scoffed and shut the door, loud footsteps heading towards the living room so the old man can drink his sorrows away yet again. Or do something worse.

Once it was clear, Luka sat up. His blood was still pumping. If his dad caught him with the guitar, then hell would have broken loose.

He went to gather his pencil from his school bag to draw himself as a musician in his diary, but got distracted when he found a pamphlet that at school he quickly took and stuffed in his bag as the teacher was handing it out. It was a pamphlet for the upcoming school talent show.

Luka then got excited and thought that he can impress his father somehow. He'll be on stage, just like he imagined!

An hour later, the sound of yelling and insults flew at the young boy.

"You'll never be good at anything! You worthless piece of shit! How dare you take my guitar and ask to use it in a stupid show! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

Luka felt defeat. His face red from all the tears. As his father banged on the door with more threats. He felt stupid for being so naïve. His melody was distraught. His notes were flat.

It was a song he was sick of hearing again.