Luka: Shattered Past

15th June 2010

Dear Diary,
                    It's my birthday today! Mom and Juleka bought me a CD player and headphones! It's what I always wanted, now I can listen to all of my mom's old CDs without dad hearing. I got to go out for a bike ride in the park, I missed the fresh air and scenery. I hated only going to school and coming back home where it's messy and dirty, plus I could never breathe well as dad would constantly smoke and refuse to open the windows. Mom managed to buy me and Juleka a slice of cake each, it had blueberry icing and sponge with strawberry jam on the inside, my favourite! Sadly, mom had to go back to work, I asked if we could go with her instead of home but she explained that we couldn't. She never tells us about her job or the one she had before I was born. Dad barely said anything to me, he must've forgot, I wasn't really surprised. I tucked Juleka into bed and went to check on my dad, he was crying again. For some reason I felt some sympathy for him and held his hand. He just looked up at me, calmly said he was ok and told me to go to sleep. I don't know what to feel anymore.

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As they sat in a serene yet busy setting, with the sound of coffee machines and the sweet scent of fruits. Luka recalled how had never been to a café in ages.

"Happy Birthday again Luka!" Juleka repeated, sat next to him with delight.

"Thanks Juleka! I loved the CD player. The headphones were also a cool bonus." The young boy joyfully claimed.

While the two siblings were chatting away, their mother returned to the table with a slice of cake for each for them.

"Eat up my boy, it's your favourite!" His mother exclaimed followed with a kiss to his forehead.

"Thank you mom! It's wonderful... today was wonderful. I'm so happy!" For years, young Luka never had this much fun. He was going to miss it when his birthday was over.

Afterwards, their mother walked them back to their apartment. Luka holding the bike he and Juleka shared as they rode in the park prior.

"Are you sure we can't go with you mom?" Luka begged as Juleka gazed up to observe the reaction from their mother, a glint of hope in both their eyes.

However, their hope quickly diminished. "Sorry kiddos, but you can't. I'll be back home soon though I promise. As I said, keep the phone near you at all times."

As they reached the apartment block, their mother planted them both a kiss on the cheek. And hugged them both as though she might lose them. Reluctant to leave her children alone. But she had no choice.

"I love you both, remember what we discussed." This was responded by a sad nod from the children. Both knowing full well what she meant.

The sibling duo slowly crept open the front door to their 'home', emitting light in the dark hallway. The faintest light they could see being the TV at the very end in the living room. They had to be quiet.

As night time arrived, Luka got Juleka ready for bed and read her a bedtime story as their mother wasn't here. Soon the younger one fell fast asleep, dreaming of a happier place.

The older one was about to head off to slumber as well, until he heard the sound of tears.

Luka prepared himself, he wasn't supposed to leave his bedroom. But he had to know what was going on outside their door.

When he entered the living room, he was shocked. His father was crying, his back hunched over as one hand covered his face.

Luka noticed that in one of his father's hands was a letter. We must be in more debt. The boy realised with sadness.

He didn't like his father. He was scary and dangerous. But Luka rarely saw his father so vulnerable. A part of him didn't care if he got hurt again. The other part of him said to go back to bed. Just like his mother instructed, stay away from his father at all costs. Whereas his heart told him to talk to the man. Out of general kindness and compassion.

The man didn't expect to feel another hand holding his free one. He gazed up and was surprised to see his son. The young boy said nothing, both out of slight fear and because he always felt as though he was never good with words.

"Luka, what are you doing?" His father asked, his voice still hoarse.

The young boy mentally prepared his words and tried to calm down his anxiety. "I heard you crying... are you ok dad? Can... can I help?" He spoke with wide and sorrow eyes.

Julian looked back down, not knowing how to immediately respond to those questions. Luka shut his eyes, his small frame shaking, afraid of his father's next reaction. He however wasn't expecting a calm response.

"I... I'm ok, don't worry. Go to sleep... we both need some rest." He answered. Looking at his son with a possible sense of guilt.

Luka was speechless for a moment. "Ok dad... goodnight." And hurried back to his bedroom.

Did that just happen? Usually when he confronted his father, it always went wrong, especially when he was in an emotional state.

Luka climbed into bed, in a state of confusion and agonising misery. He felt useless as he couldn't do anything to help.

He silently prayed for an easier life.