Luka: Shattered Past

28th January 2010

Dear Diary,
                    I got my test back today, I did really bad. When the teacher pulled me aside I started to have a panic attack as I was scared that if my dad found out my bad grade he would hurt me again. I begged the teacher to not get my parents involved. She calmed me down and explained to me that the reason she pulled me aside was because she was worried about my unusual behavior and the standard of my work slipping. She questioned me about my home life and I lied that everything was fine. I apologized and promised to do better, I hate making promises I can't keep...

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The darkened sky echoed with the sounds of heavy thunder and rain outside, the classroom was fairly quiet, apart from a few chatty kids.

Luka was attempting to do the work in front of him, though he was struggling immensely as he hadn't been focused on his lessons lately. He felt tired and mentally exhausted.

Just then the bell sprung him out of his thoughts, he urgently cleared his desk and readied his bag to get ready to go home. He stood up and was about to leave the room until-

"Luka, can you come here for a minute? We need to talk." Mrs Dandre called him out.

The boy silently cursed to himself and he turned and paced towards the front desk, eager to get this chat over with. "Yes Mrs Dandre, is everything ok?" He asked politely with respect as he does with everyone.

Luka wasn't expecting his teacher to heavily sigh as she pulled out a piece of paper from her drawer, his breath hitched as he knew what it was.

"Luka, I wanted to give you back your test earlier than the others as I'm concerned about you. You failed the test." She claimed, holding up the paper with the low grade on it as evidence.

The world around young Luka stopped. His panic attack kicking in. He felt as though he couldn't breathe. He imagined his dad finding out about the grade, yelling and cursing at him relentlessly. He would probably be hit again, or locked away as his father pleased.

No, no! Dad would kill me!

"Luka?" He heard. Still focused on his terrible imaginings.

"Luka!" His teacher snapped, trying to grab his attention. Which worked as before she could question what was wrong. The young boy pleaded loudly-

"Please don't tell my parents! Please! I'll work more! Don't-!" His words were stopped as his teacher held his shoulders and demanded him to follow what she was doing.

"Luka, stop. Copy me. Inhale for five seconds. Exhale for five seconds. And repeat."

After a few tries, he did so successfully and relaxed a little.

"Good. Now Luka, the actual reason I wanted to talk to you was not only about your work. But everything in general." This was responded with a confused look from the boy.

"I've been noticing how distracted you seemed in class, even more so than last year. Plus, I noticed the bags under your eyes. Have you been sleeping?" The boy replied, lying with a nod. Deep down knowing that wasn't the main reason she wanted to speak with him.

"Ok. Well, before you absolutely loved French Literature and History. But now it's as though you're not in my classroom anymore, you're unusually quiet and reserved. Furthermore, the quality of your work has been slipping drastically. Almost as though you don't have the energy to work anymore."

Luka looked down at the floor in shame, as he knew it was true. He's been so occupied and worried from his experiences at home, he could never focus on anything at school, pretending that he doesn't exist in the building or the world in general.

"Don't worry, I'll help you with that. I can help you catch up." She said with a smile, trying to cheer him up slightly. Luka looked back up and appreciated it immensely.

"I want to ask you one last thing, is that ok?" Luka nodded his head again, wondering what else could there be to talk about?

"Well... Mrs Archambeau told me how last week in gym class, she noticed various scars, both tiny and big bruises on your arms and legs..."

The boy froze yet again. Not liking where this conversation was going.

"Luka... why were you afraid if I told your parents about your test?" She enquired while displaying extreme concern also. "Is everything ok at home?"

His eyes widened, not wanting to answer the question honestly. He had to get away. He took a deep breath and made up a quick lie.

"Yes Mrs Dandre, everything is fine. My mother hasn't been very well lately, and I'm really worried. That's why I've been losing focus in class. It's also why I didn't want you to tell my parents about my test as they are stressed enough and I don't want to bother them with how I'm doing at school. It's not the best time right now. And as for the bruises and scars, don't worry. I was helping my grandparents last week with garden work, and because they live near this forest, I accidentally tripped on a vine and fell down a hill where I hurt myself. I'm ok though, the wounds are recovering. Overall, everything is fine." He finished with a fake but convincing smile.

She gave a sceptical look but accepted his reasoning. "Ok, but please know that we're here to help. You can come to us if anything is wrong. I'll organise some time and work for you to catch up on. And I hope your mother gets well."

"Will do, thank you for the concern Mrs Dandre, I'll focus more in class and work better, I promise! I have to go pick up my little sister now, see you tomorrow!" He waved and left the classroom in a hurry.

"Yes, bye Luka..." Mrs Dandre said sadly to herself.

Later, Luka walked home while holding Juleka's hand as she told him about her day. However, he couldn't stop feeling guilty and at fault. He didn't like lying to people.

His mother was fine to some degree, but she was healthy. He hadn't seen his grandparents since he was a little toddler. And he knew he couldn't recover at school.

He wished his life was a lie.