P.s i still love you

2.0

Louis POV-

I feel like someone's watching me. It seems like there is always a shadow near me. Its like im being stalked.

I decide not to mention it to the boys. It does feel weird, though.

The boys brought me to their house. Not to mine. So i decide to gather my things before they get home, take a cab, and go back to my place.

After paying the man who drove me to my little flat in Harry's hometown I get a strange feeling in my stomach.

Walking up to the door, only made it stronger.

What could possibly make me feel like this?

Unlocking my front door, i stumble inside. Its a mess. A terrible one.

What the hell... My bin, the one filled with the pictures Harry and I had took together, was flipped over with the pictures sprawled across the floor. Cautiously, i walk towards them. Then, in a swift movement, i plop myself onto the floor criss-crossed.

I pick up the first picture that interests me. Sadly, it was the first one we had taken. We were going to the Highschool Prom and his mother insisted we took a picture together.

With shaky hands and tears threating to escape my eyes, i pick up the next picture. It was the one Gemma had taken of us on the beach. He had his arm dangling over my should and i had mine hovering his waist.

"Harry, im sorry, i just, i didnt want to admit how much i loved you. It felt wrong. You were my bestfriend, i was yours.

Maybe, i did go way too far. I know that now. I hate myself for it. I wish that i could go back in time. I wish that i could tell you that i fell for you, because i know you fell for me too.

You shouldn't have, though. Im a prick. A douche. Im worthless, not you. Its me. All the words i called you weren't what I thought you were. They were what I knew i was. All the hate i directed towards you made me only realize that the person i really hated was myself.

You were too good for me. I was just the outcasted kid who everyone bullied and hurt. I never thought you would hurt yourself, yet now i want to hurt myself too. I want to do more than that, trust me. I will.

You were my everything, Hazz, you know that?" I pause and let out a sad chuckle, "when you would give me those smiles, the ones where your dimples fully showed. The fact that i was the one who had gotten you to show those smiles made it worth it. But then something snapped. I couldn't do it. I couldn't save myself, how could i save you? You were so kind, outgoing, but at the same time shy. I knew about your bumpy past, how your sexuality made all the difference to many kids in your middle school, i knew a lot about you, Harry.

Yet, quickly, too quickly, instead of me making you laugh, i made you cry. Instead of me making you happy, i made you sad.

I know i fucked up. I fucked up big time. I have an idea; let's play meet eachother in heaven. If I get there, of course, i know thats exactly where you will stand.

So here, let me take this sharp blade, let me take this bottle of pills, let me leave this world that has already left me here without you.

I want to see you. Thats exactly what i will do." I finish, grabbing the pills and razor i had found in the bathroom cabinet.

I take one pill, then two, then as im about to put a third one in the doorbell rings. Who could it be? None of the boys certainly know where I've been. Hm.

I quickly wash my face and dry it with a towel, before heading towards the front door.

A package was all that was left there. A package that had 1 single wilted black rose on it.