Repair the Broken

Chapter 1

Let me tell you, I am not a people person at all.  I am the shy girl that sits in the front row in class. I don’t like crowds.  I don’t like being the center of attention.  I don’t like people staring at me.  I want to go to class, do my work, and move amongst the crowd as if I’m not even there.  And truly, I don’t want to be this way.  I want to be able to talk to someone without stuttering and stumbling along like a moron.  I want to go to the parties and dance. I want to be carefree.  I just want to be normal.  I hate being an introvert.  I call this my abnormality. 

I’ve spent most of my life hiding in my own little bubble with the exception of Lexi and Noelle.  Lexi is like my sister.  We met during my six week stint in ballet class.  I was three and vomited every time I had to go up to that bar and dance. Lexi was the only person that wasn’t grossed out by my bodily fluids.   She is flirty, outgoing, and easy to be around.  She’s the life of the party.  You know that saying opposites attract?  She is my complete opposite. We attract like the positive and negative ends of a magnet.

Noelle came along later in life.  In sixth grade, my science teacher thought it would be a great idea to assign a group project.  The students had to choose one other person in the class to work with.  She and I were the only ones too shy to ask anyone.  We were paired by default.  Noelle is like me in the way of being quiet and shy.  We bonded during that science experiment.  We knew what the other felt due to our abnormality. 

Lexi tries to understand my fears.  She is my motivation to try things that I would normally shy away from.  Noelle is the voice of reason between Lexi and I.  And right now, I really need her voice of reason.

“What the hell am I thinking?”  I don’t think Lexi understands the fear that is taking over me. I’m having an out of body experience and I can’t control my body’s reaction to what she is trying to talk me into.  My stomach is in knots, my hands are sweaty and my body is trembling.  I feel a full blown panic attack coming."

“Just go down there.  Jump in and jump right back out.  You know you won’t get an opportunity like this again.”  Lexi repeats the same mantra she has been spewing for the last hour. 

I continue to pace my bedroom floor before stopping at the window and peering at the pool next door.  That pool is the cause of my fear and ensuing panic attack.  “I don’t know.”

“It’s just a pool.  No one’s home and the house it pitch black.  If you want, we can come with you.”

“Lexi, I do not want you to see me that way.  There is no way you are watching me humiliate myself.”  I look at Noelle for some help.  She’s just sitting on my bed.  Her eyes are like ping pong balls bouncing back and forth between me and Lexi.

“Maybe we can walk you to the gate.  You know, for moral support.  We can stop there and wait for you to do it.  That way we can walk you back home.  We can make sure you have everything as well.”  This is Noelle’s way of helping.  It does make sense to me though.

“You can walk me.  Only if you stop at the gate.”  This is me yielding.  I have wanted to do this for a long time and I did ask Lexi to force me if I tried to chicken out. 

“Deal!  Let’s go before you chicken out.”  I guess she can read my mind. 

I don’t think my body is going to cooperate with me.  My legs are shaking so bad I can hardly walk.  Lexi decides to grab my hand and she is practically dragging me.  We make it to the living room.   The sliding glass door seems to beckon me as I move forward. 

“Lexi stop!  You can’t drag her to the pool.  Alayna, you have to be willing to do this on your own.  You have to open that door.  You have to walk on your own.  If you don’t, you will regret this and blame Lexi.  And that’s not how this is going down.  You have to man up and just do it.  You will thank us for it later!”  I think my jaw just hit the floor.  That was the last thing that I expected Noelle to say.