Repair the Broken

Chapter 6

This cannot be happening.  I don’t want him here.  I close the curtain and walk away.  As I go to turn off the kitchen light, he knocks again.

“I’m not going away Alayna.  Open the door and talk to me.”  Brody pounds on the door again just to make his point clear.

I ignore his threat and turn off the light.  I turn my back to the door and walk to the living room.  As I get into the room, he pounds on the door again and yells. 

“I’m not leaving here without talking to you so you can open the door or listen to me beat on it until you do.”

“Stop beating on my door and go away!  I don’t have anything to say to you.”

He hits my door again.   “You’re going to wake up my mother.  Go away!”  I’m getting rather frustrated at this point.   I doubt my mom will come out of her self induced drunken coma but he doesn’t know that. 

“Lani please.  I just want to talk to you for a minute.”  He hasn’t called me Lani since the affair.  That was his pet name for me.  He’s the only one that has ever called me that.  Hearing him call me that makes me soften.  

I walk to the light switch and turn it on, then to the door and lean against it.  “I can’t do this with you Brody.”  My voice is low and I feel defeated.   I know that I will open that door.  There’s something about the way he says my name that makes me lose all rational thought. 

“Please Lani.”  That’s all it  takes and I open the door. 

I can’t even look at him.  I walk to the living room and sit in an oversize chair that I can sink into.  It’s my favorite place to be whenever I need to flee my life.  I would immerse myself into whatever book I was reading at that time. It helped me escape reality during my parents’ divorce.  I don’t look up but I know he is there.  He followed me to the living room.

I hear him walk to the couch and sit down.  He takes a deep breath and that’s when I look up.  He is looking around the living room and taking in our surroundings. 

All of the furniture was replaced after my mom threw her fit.  We have a cream colored couch with the matching chair.  There are two coffee tables one on each end of the couch.  One of them separates the chair and the couch.  The couch is facing the entertainment stand.  The living room is just your basic run of the mill room.  There’s nothing fancy about it.

As he looks around the room, I take my opportunity to look at him.  It’s been a while since I’ve been this close to him.  He has golden brown hair that he has managed to gel into a mess on top of his head.   His hair color brings out the golden specks in his eyes.  He has beautiful brown eyes and his lashes fan his face.  Every girls wish and his reality.   I almost forgot how gorgeous he is.  He is about six foot two and has an amazing physique. He’s the quarterback of our football team and has the body to show for it. 

I am so lost in him that when I look at his eyes again he smiles.  He knows I was checking him out.  I feel my face flush and look down at my hands that are wringing my shirt.  I take a labored breath and look back at him. 

“Why are you here?”

“I was worried about you Lani.”

“Do not call me Lani.  You don’t have the right to call me that.  You gave that up when you turned you back on me and chose to never talk to me again which brings me back to the subject.  Why are you here Brody?”

“You’re right.  I’m sorry.”  He lowers his head and says this in a whisper.    “I was worried about you.  Lexi never called me so I came to check on you Alayna.”

“You don’t need to check on me.  As you can see, I’m fine.  There’s nothing for you to worry about.  Now you can go back to pretending I don’t exist.”  I am at a near yell now. 

“Please don’t be mad at me.  I came over here to try again.”

“Are you fuhh..kidding me?  You know what?  I don’t care.  I will not lower my standards to yours.  I don’t want you here.  I don’t want your apologies and I don’t want you worrying about me.  I only want you to leave me alone.” 

He gets off the couch and stands.  I believe he is about to leave when he walks over and stands in front of me.  He lowers himself, squatting in front of me so that we are now eye level.  He looks me straight in the eye and says in a husky voice, “Please.  I want to start over Lani.” 

He grabs my hand from my lap forcing me to untwine them.  He holds it and rubs circles on the back of my palm with his thumb.  I lose my train of thought as I focus in on the sparks that are coming from him.  It’s just like before.  We always had a connection and it was always a strong one.

I snatch my hand out of his trying to regain my composure.  I take my hands and rub my face.  I sit up, slide to the end of the chair, and move him out of my way.  I grab his hand in mine and walk to the kitchen.  I look back and see him watching me as I pull him to my destination. 

I make my way to the kitchen door and open it.  “I want you to leave.  Don’t come back.  I don’t want to start over.  It ended badly the last time and I’m not up for a repeat.”  I lean against the door and point outside.  I’m having a hard time doing this.  My heart wants me to cave and listen to everything he has to say.  My brain is tells me not to.  I was crushed the last time I listened with my heart and I will not do that again.

Brody leans in towards my ear.  I can feel his hot breath on my neck and it gives me goose bumps.  It feels like time has stopped and everything around us ceases to exist.  I stiffen as he leans in and whispers, “I have something you want.”

I can’t move but I’m able to murmur a response, “You don’t have anything I want.”

“I believe I do.  It’s something you left at my house last night.  Actually, you left it in my pool chair.”  I can feel him smiling into my neck. 

I shove him off of me and hold my hand out.  Remembering the last time he saw me at his pool, I begin turning red.  I hate that my body responds this way. “Just give it to me.”

“You know I can help you with it especially the last one.  I’m here.  Let me fix it.  Please.”

“That list was private.  You had no right looking at it.”  Feeling defeated my body slides down the door and I sit on the ground.  I lay my head in my knees and pray he will go away.  

“Your right, it was private but I didn’t know what it was.  I just saw it laying there and I was curious.  I knew you would want this back.  I also know that you want to talk about that day.  I know this because you put it on your list.  Let me fix this.”

“You can’t fix it.  It’s done and there’s nothing you can do to go back and fix it.”

“I can try.  You just have to give me a chance to try.”  He is now sitting on the floor with me.

I look him in the eyes and I can see the regret that he feels.  I know that now is not the time to make any decisions.  “I’m tired.  I can’t do this right now.  I need time to think.”

He stands up and hands me the folded piece of paper.  “I’m leaving but remember what I said.  I can help you with that list.  I want to make things between us better.  I won’t push but know that I don’t plan on giving up.  I could have lost you last night.  That makes me realize how valuable our time is and that is not something I am willing to give up any more.”

He doesn’t say anything else.  He just leaves.  I watch him walk out of my house and into the direction of his.  I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but I know that there are changes coming.  I just hope that I don’t get crushed once again.