Repair the Broken

Chapter 18

I feel like I am stuck in the movie Groundhog Day. Maybe a laundry cycle of wash, rinse, and repeat. All I know is my appointment can't get here soon enough. I have been stuck in this wheelchair for four weeks and I get to go see how I am healing up today. I've been a good little girl abiding by all of the doctors rules in hopes that when the time comes he will release me from the confinement of this wheelchair. Hopefully since I haven't been on my leg at all I can skip the crutches and just go straight to walking. I know that wishful thinking and all but a girl can dream.

I can't complain though. Lexi and Noelle have been really awesome and have the patience of a saint. I hate having to depend on others but I really didn't have much choice that last few weeks. They have been taking turns so that I don't get overwhelmed with to many people hovering over me.

My mom has kept herself in a drunken stupor and hasnt left her room. The only time she appears, she acts all motherly and concerned but that only lasts about thirty seconds. I gotten pretty good at playing the avoidance game with her!

Brody has been my true lifesaver. He is here anytime I need him and lots of times when I don't. He has gotten me out of the house and taken me to our special place on many occasions. It's been nice being able to have small adventures even though I can't really get around much by myself. He's been really great and I shouldn't complain but its seems that since we had the accident we are just stuck. We haven't talked about what happened in the past. And we aren't moving forward. I am epically stuck in the friendzone. It's been seriously frustrating not knowing what he's thinking or what direction we are going. I'm too scared to say anything because I don't want to push the issue. The frustration keeps fizzling and at some point it is going to come to a boiling point. I really don't want to argue or snap at Brody but there is only so much 'not knowing' a girl can deal with.

Right now I am just trying to get ready to go. My appointment is in an hour and I'm just ready to get there and be out of this wheelchair.

"Brody, I can do it myself. It's just a jacket. My arms are not broke. That's my leg." I don't know why I put up such a fuss. He will just ignore me like he always does.

"I know you can do it yourself but I want to help. Please don't fight me on this." He stands there patiently waiting on me.

"Whatever. Once I'm out of this chair I will be doing it myself anyways. You won't always be able to come to the rescue." I snap.

"Yes, I can and I will. Lani, I want to be here for you. I'm not doing all of this because I have to or you need me too. I am here because I want to be."

"Really?"  I snap again. I take a few deep breaths and close my eyes as tightly as I can.

"I know we haven't really had time to talk about what happened but I hoped that we were at a point that we can trust one another. I was hoping that you can see that I don't plan on abandoning you again."

"How am I supposed to know that? I am not a mindreader and you sure haven't taken the time to say anything about it." I take a deep breath trying to think of the right words to say. "Yes, you have been great the last month and I truly appreciate everything you have done for me. I do trust you to an extent but that trust can only go so far when a person is left in the dark. But I am tired Brody. I am tired and frustrated. I hate not knowing." I look up and see the pain in his eyes. I can see he wants to say something but he just holds it in.

"I am tired as well but I am here. Everyday, I am here Lani. For you. No one else. You!! I'm not going anywhere." Deep breathes, he breathes through his nose taking deep breaths.