A Prose With No Direction

the pulsation of the heart

My small, tender back leans itself against the wall, exposed shoulder blades grazing the smooth walls of the back of the Church. Head tilts itself upwards to face his beautiful and longing stare, eyes as blue as the wide ocean surface communicating words that can never be spoken by mouth. 

Fingers, long and beautiful that create incredible magic with just one stroke of a brush, make their way up towards my cheeks, their rough yet gentle touch cupping my face in them. As one hand rubs my face and neck gently, the other explores the rest of my body, feeling my hips, torso, and arms before resting its palm on the white wall behind me.

Eyes, longing, passionate, and impatient, communicate words that can never be spoken by mouth. His eyes, his mysterious ocean-colored eyes, look at me in the same way Romeo looked at Juliet that one night of the ball. His eyes, his incredible, wonderful ocean-colored eyes, lean in closer, pupils focused on mine, as the fisherman within him tests the waters of this unpredictable sea. His eyes—my God—his mesmerizing, irresistible, alluring ocean-colored eyes, stares deeply at me until these cheeks of mine flush a bright color, his intense look making my cheeks burn hotter than the sun above. 

His lips, his full, bright pink lips, are slightly bitten by the tips of his front teeth, sometimes opening a little as he still decides whether or not the sea before him is ready to accept the sailing of his ship. 

This sea, this unpredictable and dangerous sea before him, finally decides to allow another fisherman into her waters, wrapping her arms around the neck of the ocean-eyed boy just as the water embraces the hull of the fisherman's ship. This sea, this unpredictable and deranged sea, knows all too well the past actions of the fishermen prior to him, fulling aware of their greed and destruction. And yet, despite that knowledge, this unpredictable, dangerous, and deranged sea decides to accept another one into her arms again.

As soon as arms wrap around the reddening neck of the boy before me, the figure with deep, ocean-colored eyes hides his pretty blue hue with his eyelids and leans in to press his lips against mine. Instantly, the feeling of bliss rushes through the both of us like how an addict gets his feeling of euphoria after injection. Hands, once careful and cautious, now lose control and run themselves throughout every single part of me, making me moan at the slightest warm touch.

Hearts, once beating at an abnormally high rate, pulse even faster as the seconds turn into minutes after every gentle and passionate kiss. Hearts, that once beat fast on their own, now syncs with the heart in front of them, the pulsation of the two creating a rhythm of sensual passion.

Lips against lips soon break away, leaving me with a sense of dissatisfaction. I glance up at the ocean-eyed boy before me, his intense stare speaking words upon words that could never be spoken by tongue. His eyes, careful and considerate yet hungry and discontent, tests the waters once more, waiting for a sign of continuation or termination. 

I return his intense stare, eyes as black and empty as mine shining brightly for the first time as my teeth press themselves softly on my bottom lip. Taking the subtle hint, the ocean-eyed boy before me lowers himself to bury his face into my neck, his gentle lips leaving kisses throughout my neck and collarbone. 

I whimper quietly as his light touches initiates a rush of dizzying euphoria within me, my fingers subconsciously gripping the back of his button-up polo. I close my eyes as I feel my head become numb from the pleasure, feeling the ocean-eyed boy's lips leave my neck and return to my lips, alternating between soft, sweet kisses and passionate ones.

To my surprise, I feel fingers make their way up on my thigh, pushing past the flounce of my summer dress, exploring higher and higher without shame. As instantly as another rush of euphoria travels up my spine and into my brain do I hear distant voices and footsteps begin to approach the back alleyway of the Church. 

"Hu—" I start to say before being muffled by another deep and passionate kiss. I kiss him back with as much fervor, running my hair through his chestnut-brown locks. But the sounds of approaching footsteps and people's chatter snap me back into reality, making my lips retreat away from his. 

"There's people," I pant softly, the ocean-eyed boy ignoring my words and instead leaving kisses on my neck again. "Hugh, there's people."

But the boy doesn't respond and instead continues to feed his hunger, leaving dark marks from his nibbles all over my neck and chest. 

"Hugh, enough," I whisper, weak hands pushing his chest away as the sounds of footsteps and voices approach closer and closer. 

The ocean-eyed boy stops, standing straighter and looking back down at me with considerate and loving eyes. He takes my hand from his chest and raises it up to his lips, kissing it softly before flashing me his pretty-boy smile. 

"Alright," he whispers, leaning into me once more to kiss the tip of my ear. "I'll stop. For now."

I smile, finding his breath and lips tickling. As he looks at me once more, his hand patting my head gently, a cold and disappointed figure catches my attention behind the ocean-eyed boy. I look behind the boy in front of me to find her watching me, staring at me with an angry yet displeased expression.

You broke your promise.

My lungs tighten, making it hard to breathe, and my heart sinks, burdened with this hideous guilt. As soon as I blink and reopen my eyes, I find my scenery to change from the charming boy in front of me to a dark, black ceiling, the feeling of my hard and lonely bed beneath me. 

I sit up, leaning on the palm of my hand for support as my other hand runs through my dead strands of hair, realizing what dream I just had. As each memory of the dream unfolds and replays itself in my mind, I feel my cheeks burn hotter and hotter and my heart pulse quicker and quicker.

I promised her I wouldn't cross the line with Hugh.

That is what I promised.

But now I am finally realizing how hard keeping a promise is. 

.

.

.

.

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I look at the mirror in my bathroom, finding my face flushed with a deep red I have only seen on me once before.

That one time, I thought this flush of red was just a sunburn.

Now I know all too well that it isn't the case.