Who Is The One?

Chapter 3

"Thinking of Dujun again?" A whisper to my ear broke my thoughts.

My eyes shot open and I stared at the person. Minji was snickering away. I remained passive.

"Not funny Minji. What if Hoya heard? It'll be super embarrasing."

Minji looked over to Hoya and turned back to me. "I don't think he heard. I'll tell him to go ahead first."

"Hey Hoya you can go to class first. Youngji and I need to have some girl talk." Minji said.

Hoya nodded in acknowledgement and walked off after waving to us.

"Now about Dujun." Minji said.

I blushed. "W- What."

"Are you seriously going to stand there and do nothing about it at all? You've had a crush on him for four years! How loyal can you get.."

"Well, I don't want things to get awkward if he rejects me. So I don't really plan to do anything." I replied timidly.

Then my voice picked up strength at a thought. "Anyway, the guy is supposed to make the first move. So I'm not obliged to confess."

Minji held me by my shoulders. "What era are we living in? The stone age? Youngji, look if you don't want to confess then just give up on him. I don't want to see you going ga- ga over a guy who doesn't even remember you."

Minji's words came through to me. She was right. Dujun may not even remember me. So many girls surround him everyday, he might even think I was some fangirl of his. If I put myself too deep into him, I might get hurt.

"You know what Minji? Its times like this where you become such a wise girl. You're right. If Dujun and I are meant to be together then we will be, in the future somehow." My words held determination.

Minji heaved a sigh of relief. "Thats right. Thats the way to go!"

I grinned. It felt like a huge rock had been removed from my chest.

"Come, lets get to class." Minji pushed me forward.

Despite myself letting go, I still felt quite uncertain. The feeling whenever I thought of Dujun still lingered. I wondered if I could really let go cleanly. However it is, I had to. It's the only way to move on.

During break time, I suddenly thought of something. What if my feelings for Dujun was actually love? But then again, I didn't know what love was.

"Minji ah, do you know what is love?" I asked.

"Umm it's when you really care for the person and you would do anything for the person. Thats my definition but I'm sure there might be some abstract kind of answer somewhere. Why?" Minji looked up from her plate of fried rice.

I shook my head. "I was just thinking if my feelings for Dujun is actually love. What do you think?"

Minji looked at me for a short moment and blinked a few times. "Umm, I would think that you aren't actually in love with him. You guys didn't even interact much. You just admire him. Something about him intrigues you but you don't really try to get yourself concerned with his business."

I nodded slowly and broke into a smile. "You sound like an expert. Didn't know you knew that much about me."

"Well, what can I say. I'm observant." Minji held her head high with pride.

I see. All these years, I only admired him. Its not what they call love. This should be my motivation to forget him. A small smile appeared on my lips.

When I reached home, I quickly got to my room and sat down on my chair in front of the study table. I heaved a breath and opened the drawer. My elementary school graduation book was on the left in the drawer. I touched the smooth cover of the black book. I opened the book and flipped the page to my class photo. I focused on Dujun's picture. I touched his face in the photo. Oh, how I wish you would notice me.

Then a thought struck me again. I gazed at the wall instead. Dujun did notice me. He had tried to make conversation with me. I was rather cold to him because I was nervous and didn't know how to react. Whenever girls called him cute in class he blushed and looked down. Every single time after English lesson he would ask me what homework we were assigned for that day. There was once when his friend teased me, he told his friend to stop. When his close friend asked why I hadn't gone for tuition lesson the previous day, he was surprised. He asked wide- eyed, "You guys go for the same tuition lesson?"

I rubbed my face in frustration. I needed to talk to a guy. I needed a guy's perspective on my situation. I opened the door and went to the opposite room. I knocked on the door.

"Come in!" He called out.

I entered and saw my brother lying on the bed watching a video on his laptop. He looked up and gestured with his head to ask, "What's up".

I set a chair in front of him and sat down. He closed his laptop and faced me.

"This seems serious," He commented. "What happened?"

"Jackson, I have something to ask." I started.

"Ya... Ask away." He said.

"Look, I had a crush on a guy since elementary school. I thought it was one sided but I just realised today that it might not even be one- sided after all." I said.

He widened his eyes. "What? That long?"

I nodded slowly. I explained the instances where Dujun might have shown some interest in me.

Jackson nodded in understanding and furrowed his eyebrows.

"You know what I think? I think that he liked you too. And man were you stupid to be cold to him." Jackson said.

I narrowed my eyes. "How would I have known? I was inexperienced and nervous."

"Okay, fine. He was showing signs that he was interested in you but you rejected him with your actions."

I felt like my heart had stopped for a moment. Really? He was interested in me?

"But its too late. I've seen him recently and he is totally out of your league. I'm sure he might even have a girlfriend. That face is sure to get a girl."

I looked at him and stomped my feet. "Shit man! I regret this so much! He could have liked me back but I treated him so coldly. Urghh."

I held my brother's shoulders and shook him hard. "I regret this so much!"

"Hey, hey chill sis. Don't take it out on me." Jackson said.

I stopped and headed back into my room. I felt so stupid. Its over. My chance is over.