Falling For My Exchange Brother | BOOK 1,2,3

17. Forgiveness

"Will...iam."

I found myself staring up at the ceiling, my eyes burning from the lack of blinking. Staying like this almost stopped time for me...it helped me imagine other things.

Like...the future or even my past. I like to make up a different past with different actions sometimes. It honestly helps me feel better.

"William..."

I shaved my hair. I just felt like...having a buzz cut. I did it myself, but I went in a motel to do it. That happened yesterday...I've just been lying on the bed since I've done such a thing.

I've never been in a motel; so to be in one now is interesting. It's honestly disgusting, but I deserve to be in these disgusting conditions. I amount to a dirty, disgusting motel.

My hand rests on my stomach, knowing there was a baby there. I only eat for them - not myself. Every craving that's thrown my way I'll eat for the baby, but besides that I don't eat for myself.

"William!"

I flinch, looking as I saw my parents rushing into the motel room. My mom looked disgusted by the sight of the place. Though my dad just walked right in and sat me up.

"William you need to stop. We have all been looking for you! Have you lost your mind-!"

"Hey... Can you lower your voice? Please be a little quieter so that I can concentrate..." I interrupt my yelling dad, trying to lean back again only for him to sit me up.

"What did you do to your hair!?" My mom cries as I see her remove her jacket. She wrapped it around my naked shoulders because all I had on were pants.

The shirt I was wearing has throw up on it.

"I am trying something new. I feel like you don't like it." I murmur as I grin, my hands running over my hair. "Maybe Arthur would have objected...no. He would let me do whatever makes me happy-."

"Arthur would be furious that you're doing this to yourself! He's in a coma, but we all know what he wants for you and your baby! Think about the baby too!" My dad yells at me.

"I - I am... I eat when they crave food. St-stop yelling at me." I whimper, and I felt my eyes begin to water.

I felt pained. My mom and dad looked at me as if I was a stranger. They looked very fearful for me.

"William what have you done to yourself?" My dad cries for me. He saw my weight loss and loss of some of my muscle.

"I...I can't survive without Arthur dad. If Arthur doesn't wake up I won't survive - I know what will happen. I'm losing it over here and no one even cares-!"

"We all care! That's why we are here. If we didn't care about you we wouldn't have been searching for you! William you have been like this for too long - you are harboring a child you created with Arthur. He would be heartbroken to see you like this." My mom tells me in a heartbroken manner.

I felt tears start to stream down my cheeks. I already knew the truth, but I avoided it. It was easier to not think about it...to distract myself.

"But I need him... This isn't helping - at all! I have done so much to him and done him wrong so many times; yet he's always getting hurt! Why can't it be me!" I cry, starting to chew my lip.

I chewed my lip when I was frustrated or anxious...so it's basically all the time. Even when I felt my lip start to bleed I kept chewing.

"William stop that." My dad snaps at me, and I couldn't help myself.