Joelle's POV
The train is pretty crowded and we have no other choice but to move to the opposite side of the car as more people are getting in.
Merde! I think to myself as I am sandwiched between the door and Favi. My back to her front. I can smell her D&G light blue scent that's making my senses go bonkers. She smells so clean and fresh.
Her body emanates heat and it's engulfing me, warming me and making me feel hot and bothered.
Lately, Favi has been affecting me in ways I haven't felt before. The last two times she was here in NYC, I felt differently towards her. It's like I'm seeing her for the first time. It's different but in a very good and scary way.
I even talked to Kai and Sabine about it. Kaya nga sa bar, itong si Kai, umepal eh. Kaya medyo naiinis talaga ako. Ayaw ko pang malaman ni Favi ang nararamdaman ko. Kasi maski ako, hindi ko pa rin talaga ma pin point kung ano talaga. It might be I'm just bi-curious or it might just be an infatuation. It can also be a passing fancy. So, until I know, I won't do anything about it.
Yes. I know I have feelings for her. Pero is it deep enough to ruin the friendship we've rekindled? Is it deep enough to ruin a great thing? Is it deep enough to ruin her relationship with Em? Is it deep enough to bear the brunt of a falling out?
Ni hindi ko nga alam kung ano ba talaga ako. Ni hindi ko nga maamin pa sa sarili ko na I'm into girls. Actually, check that. Only one particular girl Lang gusto ko and it's making my sanity jump from the top of the Empire State Building with a gusto!
What if this is all a fluke and that I'm feeling lonely Lang the past year? I definitely know that the feeling is not mutual. She has a girlfriend for fuck's sake back in the Philippines! And I know Kai and I doesn't really approve of her Kasi nga she's always busy and sometimes she takes our friend for granted. Like now. Hindi man Lang maalala tawagan si Favi. Kung hindi pa si Favi ang tatawag hindi sila mag kakausap!
Samantalang si Favi, no matter how busy she gets, she makes time for Em. At minsan nakaka lungkot din kapag mag kwekwento na siya na sometimes she gets hurt when Em doesn't have time for her. My best friend is worth the effort kaya. Kaya minsan bwisit din talaga kami ni Kai sa kanya eh. Pero siyempre, support support pa din kay Favi. Mahal niya eh.
But the thing is, Em can be sweet and supportive and lovely. Basta hindi busy. Hahahaha. Napatawa na Lang sa ako sa sarili with that thought. Seriously, Em is mabait too. Maasikaso din naman in fairness to her. Kaya naman we get why Favi loves her so much.
Pero ang hirap pa rin nito, because I need to sort my shit out first, before making a decision about this thing I'm feeling towards Favi. Hindi madali. Dami ko factors to consider. Ayaw ko naman maging kabit, mang aagaw and then for what? Tapos it won't work out for us in the end? What of our friendship? What will my family say?
Lahat ng iyan, naisip ko habang naka pila ako sa delicatessen kanina. Napaka gulo ng utak ko ngayon. I just thank God that my work isn't affected by all the shit swimming in my mind. And those shit? It stinks to high heavens! Sobrang muddled ng brain ko. Lord, please help me!
At lalo naman hindi nakaka tulong ang pagka close ng aming mga katawan ngayon.
Merde! I was about to close my eyes and just let my senses swim in the pool of her proximity. Kaya Lang I saw her through the reflection na naka pikit mga mata niya. Ano kaya problema? May dinadamdam ba siya?
Umikot ako paharap sa kanya and started chatting with her about this place I want to take her to sa Brooklyn. Pero mukhang she's not listening. Kasi I can see her breathing hard and her face turning beet red.
"Hey Fav, you alright?" I ask with a concerned look on my face. Huminga siya muli ng malalim bago niya inangat bahagya her face and forces a smile at me.
"Yeah. It's just...it feels stuffy in here." Mahinang sabi niya. Nag alala ako Kasi nga, like I said before, namumula ang mukha niya and her breathing is not normal. Please God don't let her be claustrophobic. Kasi this is a claustrophobe's nightmare dahil ang daming tao sa loob ng train.
"Kelan ka pa naging claustrophobic?" Nag-aalala kong tanong habang sapo ko na ang mag kabila niyang pisngi ng dalawa kong kamay. I look into her eyes to see if it's dilated. Kasi that's a sign that one is panicking. Pero hindi naman dilated. So, hindi siya fight or flight mode. Hmm.
"Naku! You're cheeks are flushed! Namumula ka Fav!" Sabi ko and I even touch her forehead with the back of my hand. Wanting to know na kung hindi siya nagpa-panic, baka she's feverish. She feels a little warm but not hot enough to conclude na she has fever. I look from side to side over the people surrounding us.
"Don't worry the crowd will dissipate soon pag dating sa Union Square." Pag co-console ko sa kanya. Kasi hindi ko ma assess kung ano talaga nangyayari sa kanya. Wait, baka naiinitan siya? Pero aircon ang train dahil summer nga.
So, I decided na Lang to fan her face using both my hands at hinipan ang mukha niya. Para yun man lang maka ease sa nararamdaman niya. Habang ginagawa ko yun, nakita ko na umiba ang mukha niya kaya na ilang ako.
"Elle. It's okay. Malapit na naman tayo. Please stop doing that." Pag pigil niya sa aking ginagawa.
"Sorry. Bad breath ba?" Nahihiya kong tanong sa kanya. Na conscious tuloy ako bigla. Kasi baka nga it's my breath. At inamoy ko ang aking hininga using the palm of my hand and breathe into it. I suddenly gasp nang ma realized ko na hindi naman mabaho ang hininga ko. Ang bango kaya! Inaasar na naman ako nitong si Gaia! Hmp!
"Hindi naman ah! Ang yabang nito!" I tell her and then I swat her arm after. She just laugh in my face. I didn't mind it Kasi her breath smells nice too. Besides, she looks beautiful when she laughs likes this. Very hearty. Sobrang ramdam mo yung saya niya sa pag tawa.
"Well, I didn't say you were. Ikaw nag assume non!" Sabi niya pa habang tinatawanan pa din ako. I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. Kaya Alam ko nag bu-blush ako. Nailang tuloy Lalo ako.
Ah ganon huh. I think to myself. Kunwaring sinimangutan ko siya.
"Stop it Fav! Stop laughing at me." Hindi pa din siya tumigil kaya ginantihan ko siya. I started poking her sides because I know she hates that and she's ticklish there.
I just tickled her the whole way until the train stopped on 8th Ave. and we walked towards High Line Park.
BINABASA MO ANG
After The Fall GxG)
RomansaWhat happens when you fall in love with your best friend then had a sudden falling out because of it? Are you willing to give each other another chance to explore what might have been? This is a gxg romance.
