After The Fall GxG)

Chapter 15

Elle's POV

"And that someone is me Favi." Nasabi kong mahina habang dali-daling nag lalakad papunta sa banyo. Pag bukas ko ng bathroom ay agad akong nag tungo sa sink. I bow my head trying to calm myself. I didn't even know that I'm holding my breath for I don't know how long. 

My breath short and rapid, as if I'm on the verge of hyperventilating. I close my eyes and hold on to my chest, gently rubbing circles there. Keep calm Joelle. Think of the Maldives and its fine sand and it's clear water. I tell myself. Deep breaths. C'mon.

It's just you and the calm sea. I repeatedly tell myself. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.  It's still not working damn it!  Huminga ako ng malalim. Calme toi Joelle.  Calme toi (calm yourself down Joelle).

Paulit-ulit kong sinabi yun sa sarili at huminga ng malalim hanggang kumalma ako ng kaunti.  Hinihingal pa din ako pero hindi na katulad kanina na animoy tumakbo ako ng limang kilómetro.  Tiningnan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin.  I'm pretty naman.  Matalino.  Successful and independent.  And sabi nila mabait at mabuti puso ko.  So, bakit? 

Bakit Kasi hindi niya ako makita bilang higit pa sa best friend? Why can't she see me like I see her? Napa pikit ako sa tanong na yun. How can she see you as more than a friend eh kung wala naman siyang idea that you like her that way? Besides, she has a beautiful girlfriend.

Tapos, straight ka pa! Wait, straight nga ba? Remember, she doesn't go for straight girls. So, paano ka niya makikita beyond her friendship with you? These thoughts are just making my head feel more muddled.  They keep on running in my head, my synapses can barely keep up with it.  Haay.  Nag-aaway ang puso ko at isip ko.

Ang sakit Lang Kasi because I cant do anything about it. Ano nga ba talaga ako? I know I'm straight. But why do I have all these feelings for Favi?

Nangingilid ang luha sa aking mga mata sa mga naiisip ko. Don't you dare shed a fucking tear! Don't! Control your emotions! Arreter maintenant (stop it now)! You've done so well so far Joelle.  Don't break down now.  I scold myself silently. I close my eyes again for longer this time.  Maybe I need to go to a shrink just to settle all these stuff in my head.  Am I'm losing my sanity?  I keep on talking to myself Kasi.  Tsk.

Isang mahabang buntong hininga ang pinakawalan ko. Tinignan ko muli ang aking sarili. Joelle, get it together. Now is not the time for that! She needs you. Favi needs you right now. Go be a friend and stop being selfish.

I look into my own reflection and tried to smile. My face is a bit red and so are my eyes. I nod at myself and take another breath. I splash some water on my face and on my nape just to get rid of the redness and to lower my body temperature. The cold water helps a little bit. Medyo nawala init ng mukha ko. 

I dab my face and wipe my hands with the hand towel beside the mirrored cabinet. I look at myself again and try to cheer myself up. Okay girl, game face on. WooOooh.

I go back to the dining room where she's now playing the guitar. There's another open bottle of red wine on the table. I look at it and it's my favorite Syrah. She's singing while playing the guitar.

I sit back down and pour myself another glass. I look at her. Her eyes are closed as if savoring every word of the lyrics of the song TADHANA. She seems like she's in a trance. The way she masterfully strums that guitar to every note of the song.

Her voice is breathtaking too. She's an alto. Ang boses ni Favi ay malamig at ma emosyon kapag kumakanta. I guess it's her heart singing. Napa ngiti ako sa itsura niya. Wari ba ay nasa isang personal concerto ako ng isang mahusay na concert artist.

Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko at sinabiyan siya sa pag-awit ng ikalawang koro. Napa bukas siya ng mata at napa ngiting kagaya ko nang marinig niya ang pag sabay ko ng pag kanta sa kanya. Nag harmony ako habang siya naman sa melody.

"Ba't 'di pa sabihin
Ang hindi mo maamin?
Ipauubaya na lang ba 'to sa hangin?
Huwag mong ikatakot
Ang bulong ng damdamin mo
Naririto ako't nakikinig sa'ýo."

We're smiling and staring at each other as we finish that part of the second chorus. Her eyes bright. Her smile genuine. Her whole aura changed all of a sudden. As if she wasn't feeling down earlier. My smile was beaming now too, knowing that she's okay now.

I felt relieved at the way she was smiling at me. Kasi masaya na ulit mga mata niya. Pero yung puso ko ngayon, ang lakas ng kabog pero hindi sa kaba. Malakas ang tibok nito pero hindi excited. Malakas ang tibok nito pero alam mong relaxed. Hindi takot, hindi excited, pero masaya at masarap sa pakiramdam.

Sabay pa kaming napa tikhim ng marealized namin na kanina pa kami naka tingin sa isa't-isa na may mga ngiti sa aming labi. Dahil na basag na din ang panandaliang koneksyon, halos sabay pa tuloy kaming nag baba ng tingin. Sabay kuha sa stemware and sabay pa kaming uminom.

Nagka tawanan tuloy kami. Hindi na somber ang mood around us now. Magaang na.

"So, any song you'd like to sing while I play?" She ask me after drinking her wine. I think for a bit. I couldn't think of anything. My brain is hazy. Damn Favi and her smoldering look! Bakit naman Kasi nakaka mesmerize her eyes. I avert my eyes from her gaze and played with the stem of my glass just to hold on to something real and tangible to get me out of my fog.

"I can't think of anything. Why don't you choose. Something I know huh. Wag LangTorn." I giggle at that. She laughs a little and pauses and puts the capo on the first fret. She starts to strum and then winks and then playfully smile at me before singing the familiar song. I raise my glass in salute before taking another sip. The corner of my lips twitching.

She starts, "I've been waiting half my life.
Just to be the one to take you home tonight. We can make it if we try but I wanna wait until the time is right." She then nods at me as a gesture that it's my turn.

"Tell me what's on your mind, I can't get you off mine. Are we over or meant to be. No need to know right now, timing will work it out. Can't let you make those mistakes with me." I sing. Then I take the higher key and she takes the low. And we both sang the chorus, harmonizing.

We continue to drink and sing and talk and joke around and reminisce about our high school days.  We are on our fourth bottle when her phone suddenly rings. We stop singing. I look at the time, it's almost 12 midnight.

"I'm sorry she says. I gotta take this."   We're both almost to the point of being inebriated now, but we still both have our faculties intact. Just a bit tad above tipsy but not totally drunk, drunk. I just got some major buzzed. I smile at that.  Yey to high alcohol tolerance. 

"It's okay.  It's late anyway.  I'll go ahead and shower while you take your call.  Then I'm going to bed.  Good night luv."  I tell and kiss her on the cheek but she moves an iota shred of an inch and I almost kissed her lips. 

Nag katinginan na naman kaming dalawa.  Hindi ko alam kung ngingiti ako dahil she looks stunned for a second there.  Pero muling nag ring ang phone niya and this time I saw "Baby" flashing on the screen.  Kaya agad na kong umalis.  I don't want to hear any of their conversation. 

Too bad it was just on the side of her lips.  Damn!  Sayang!  Nasabi ko sa sarili ko. Napa face palm si brain, habang ang puso ko mistulang cheer leader sa kakatalon with pompoms and air split.