Am I Allowed To Be?《Shoto X Femboy Bakugo》

Chapter 1

Bakugou's POV

I unlock the door and walk in, slamming it closed behind me and throwing down my bag.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuck" at least no one's home to see me break down again. Mom's out shopping for at least another hour and dad's at work still so I can cry in peace.

I kick off my shoes and run upstairs to my room, still wanting to muffle myself a little. I slam my door shut behind me and jump on the bed, landing on my stomach with my face buried in the covers.

Then, I do the same thing I do every day, just louder this time. I cry, I cry, and punch the bed every once in a while.

I'm so done with this fucking act, why can't someone just love me for me?

I finally stop crying and sit up after about 20 minutes, debating about what to do next. I figure I should call the old hag to find out how long I've got until she comes home.

It rings for a minute before she picks up and I wonder what she would do if I was a detective calling her to tell her her son killed himself- "What do you want, brat?! I'm busy!"

Why does she always yell at me? "I was just wondering when you were coming home?"

"Not 'til your dad gets off work, I have no reason to be at the house with a worthless son like you!"

Don't stutter, don't stutter, don't stutter... "ok, I-I'll see you later." Goddamnit!

She doesn't even answer me, just hangs up and if I wasn't already used to this, I'd cry again.

I'm actually kind of glad she won't be home for a while, it gives me more time to actually be myself.

I walk over to the closet and unbury all my 'special' clothes. I sprawl them out on the floor, shirts on top and skirts on the bottom. "What should I wear today, I've got time." I think for a minute before deciding on the schoolgirl's outfit (the one at the beginning of the chapter) and some random red thigh-highs I forgot I had.

"This skirt feels way better than those tight as fuck jeans I have to wear." I love the way I look in women's clothes, I think they make me look cuter.

If only anyone else felt the same.

My mom came home early and saw me doing this one day, she instantly went through my room and got rid of everything. She also called dad and he left work to give me the 'be a man and take care of your family' talk. Then, she started on the 'sexuality and gender talk,' that's my favorite.

"You were raised a boy so you have to act like one!"

"If I catch you doing anything like this again, you're getting kicked out!"

"I will not have a faggot for a son!"

"I bet you think you're trans!"

"You're such a disappointment!"

"Where did we go wrong?!"

All in the day's work, sorry if my being happy disappoints you. I can't wait to move out and finally be myself.

I just wish someone would share it with me. The only other person who knows is Deku and he's been supportive, even stopped me when I was cutting, but I almost wish he wouldn't have learned. I didn't even mean for him to find out, he just did.

Once I started to realize I liked crossdressing, I was happy. Until my parents found out, it was all downhill from there.

I was so confused and angry, I didn't know what to think and I started to bully everyone. I was so lost and I started to figure out I was driving them all away. I decided to redirect my anger onto myself so maybe I could at least keep some friends.

I stopped eating and started working out five or six hours a day, I would always feel light-headed and it was addicting. I felt like I'd lost all hope like there was nothing left for me to do but try and be perfect.

I started drinking and going to drug dealers regularly when I turned fifteen. I remember the days my dealers would run out or refuse me, I would always walk home and cut myself or just sit and cry in a random alley.

My worst day was on my sixteenth birthday, I hadn't had any drugs in a week and I was too tired to walk home. So, I stopped in the nearest ally and rolled up my sleeve. I got out my blade and drug it across my wrist a few times, I knew I was crying and it was going to rain soon.

"Why the fuck am I like this? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW MOM?! ARE YOU FUCKING PROUD YET?!" That was the one good thing about that side of town, no one ever cared if or what I screamed.

Except for the stalker I apparently had.

I had my head against the building and my eyes closed so I didn't notice him until he grabbed my wrist, "Kacchan, what are you doing?"

His voice sounded so gentle like I might break...like I was a lost little kid he just wanted to help. I remember feeling so angry at him because I thought he sounded like he was pitying me like I was some chick who needed protecting.

I didn't want all those feelings I had suppressed to come back, so I kicked him away and covered my wrist. I still feel bad about it now.

I keep thinking about how much he helped me while I walk around the house and do my chores, still in my comfy clothes.

He helped me find myself again. He got me to stop cutting and start eating more, he even talked to every dealer within a three-region radius and got me blacklisted from all of them.

He bought my clothes for me and offered to keep them safe for me if I ever needed him to, he told me to wear them when my parents weren't home and helped me figure that out. He even told his mom about me and my situation so I could wear whatever I wanted whenever I wanted at their house. He's helped me so much and I'm so grateful that he helped me become myself again.

I hear a knock on the door and walk towards it, I figured it was probably Deku because he always visits. I jokingly call out, "Who is it?" already knowing it's him.

I'm almost at the doorknob when I hear "Todoroki."

Oh shit.

Oh fuck.

I'VE STILL GOT MY COMFY CLOTHES ON AND THE REST ARE SPRAWLED ALL OVER MY ROOM!!

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!

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Started writing: July 31st, 2020
Finished writing: August 1st, 2020
Published: November 7th, 2020
Words: 1170