Dantana Drabbles

You, You, You

"Hey San !" Rachel yelled through the loft.

"Yeah ?" Santana responded from behind her side of the curtain.

"You got a letter that was stuffed between all this dumb junk mail." Rachel pulls out a purple envelope, it read 'Santana' in large cursive writing on the front. "It doesn't say who it is from though, how weird." The shorter brunette hums.

Santana pops up from the curtain and goes up to Rachel who is sitting on the counter looking through the rest of the mail. Santana takes the envelope and hops onto the other counter top that faces Rachel.

"Do you know who it's from ?" Santana's best friend asks.

"I'll know once I open it."

"Oh, read it out loud." Rachel commands very curious as to whom it can be from.

When Santana opens the purple envelope she pulls out two papers that look like they've been ripped out a composition notebook. She recognizes the handwriting anywhere, it was always her favorite. No matter how sloppy it is. "Well?" Rachel interrupts.

"Um, it's from Dani." Santana chokes out.

"As in little , half shaved head, black hair, ex Dani ?" Santana nods in response to Rachel's question. "But you guys broke up ages ago."

"We actually broke up a year and two months ago. The last time I really spoke to her was maybe four months ago but that was because I left stuff at her apartment that I needed." Santana looks up to Rachel, "What could she possibly want, and who writes letters instead of sending a text?"

"You guys lasted a very long while. But writing a letter personally to someone has more meaning San, she actually took the time to write her feelings out to you. Ans how do you know it's from her, did she sign off on it ?"

"No but I'd know her handwriting anywhere," she smiles softly remembering how Dani hated her writing but Santana herself always thought that it was cute how she'd curve her y's and how her words would look cursive by never picking up her pen, but it wasn't, "it was my favorite."

"Weird, but hurry and read it." Rachel noticed how Santana smiled at the thought of Dani's penmanship. Those two girls were honestly the best match, although she never knew why they shifted apart.

"Sometimes I can't sleep at night. There's emptiness there, from when you'd keep me up past three am because you cared. Its been a year now, you're still keeping me up. But I haven't talked to you in some time. You're just in my head. You expect me to just forget our nights, us, you. You expect me to pretend like none of it never happened. Because you moved on, she owns your nights now. Forgive me for believing in a forever. I forget that things end. You just forgot about me, I guess ....
But you know why it's so goddamn impossible for me to let you go ? Because every song, every moment, every person, I relate to you. I always remember you.
You brought me out of hell, just to throw me right back in again. And that little piece of heaven when I was around you, oh god, that was you. It was always you.
You, you fucked me up. I'm fucked up so bad. I still can't sleep tonight. I'm rambling. Making up my own cliche because of you." Santana finished reading.

So many thoughts went through her head. This letter said so much but so little at the same time.

"Santana, you're crying." Rachel hopped off the counter and went and stood between Santana's legs. She wipes her tears with her thumb.

"I d-don't know .... " Santana sobs not really knowing how to feel or what to say.

The letter said so much it such little paragraphs. Dani isn't okay and it's because of her. She's right about the hell thing. Dani had so many demons and Santana saved her from those. But the second Santana left her, Dani was thrown back into hell and that's Santana's fault knowing what Dani does to herself. Even about pretending too. Santana did expect her to just forget about them, to brush it off like they never existed, like them dating for sixteen months was nothing.

"Shh San, it'll be okay." Rachel tried her best to calm he friend down.

"Rachel, did you not hear anything I just read !" Santana yells.

"Of course Santana, but what can you really do ? You're the one who sent her off, you're the one who did it for her."

"But how does she know I'm with someone else ?" She pulls back from Rachel and looks into her eyes, "how does she know... Shes' at fucking Oxford !"

"Maybe you should've thought about how all of this would have ended up before you had broken up with her and put her on that plane."

"I did it because I'm in love with her Rachel. She got excepted to Oxford but wanted to follow me here. I couldn't have let her thrown that away."

"Don't you think you should probably ring her up and let her know all of what's going on. Its been a year already San, the girl deserves to know why you actually broke up with her. Tell her what you just told me. Its not a good reason but she'll finally understand." Rachel suggests.

"I can't." She says simply.

"Why not ?"

"She doesn't know that she wasn't the only one who was thrown in hell after what I did. I'm not gonna up a wound that should stay closed."

"But it's not healed San." With that Rachel walks away and leaves Santana to her thoughts.
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