self control ; quackity x reader

part 18

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never did i ever think that this is how my life would turn out. sure, having your best friends be youtubers isn't normal but i guess i always looked past that. sometimes, i'd even forget that they are well known online because in reality, aksel and alex are just two people like anyone else just trying to get through life. when i first became friends with them, i didn't know where our relationships would take us. hell, i didn't even take into consideration the fact that maybe one day they would leave to further pursue their careers. as for myself, i thought nothing would ever really happen; as if i'm a side character in my own life... and i was fine with feeling that way. i'm fine with not being in the spotlight. i prefer there not to be mounds of drama surrounding my life but of course, that's exactly what had happened. god i wish i had my diary right now.

the car ride back to the hotel was silent. alex insisted on driving and for the whole time, i stared at his whitened knuckles, his hands tightly gripped around the wheel. i wondered what he was thinking about. i thought about how his bright dorky smile from meeting his fans had disappeared almost in an instant. back when we were still considered best friends, even just reading sweet comments from fans would keep him upbeat for days. i miss those days. despite him being right there, despite all the crazy shit that has happened... i couldn't help it. i still missed him.

"alright," he said under his breath as he slowed the car down to a halt. "i guess we'll meet back down in the lobby in an hour." he turned off the car but didn't move, leaving us all in complete silence.

i gulped. "alright... well, see you guys then."
i looked over at levi and tilted my head at the car door, motioning for us to leave.
i awkwardly manoeuvred my legs around the bags of gifts and letters, cringing at the loud sounds of the bags crinkling and moving. as i was about the leave the car, i felt a hand grab my arm. i whipped my head around in surprise.

"wait, y/n, can i talk to you for a bit? alone?" alex asked, his hand still holding onto my arm.

i glanced at levi who was clearly waiting for my response. "i- um..." i thought back to last night. although i just knew i wouldn't let what happened last night happen again this time, i just couldn't risk it. it wasn't fair to levi. i still hadn't told him what really happened.
"sorry, alex." i finally responded. "i'm just really tired right now."

his pleading eyes dropped and i felt his hand slowly release and let go of my arm.

"see you guys later," i said before leaving the car.

"see you then," aksel spoke for the first time since we left the park.

"so.. what was that about?" levi asked as we walked together towards the doors of the hotel.

"... what was what about?" i asked, although already knowing the answer.

"alex? talking? alone?"

i linked my arm with his and pulled myself closer with both hands, giving him a quick tight squeeze in an attempt of reassurance. "please just don't worry about it. it's nothing."
in that moment even i knew he knew it wasn't nothing.

we finally made our way to our room and unlocked the door. as i stepped in, the faint smell of citrus tingled at my noise. the cleaners must have come since we left since the bed sheets were neatly fixed and tucked in. i dropped my bag and walked towards the bed, letting out a loud groan of exhaustion before letting my body fall and bounce back against the bed. as if in an instant, feeling the mattress under my body, my eyelids went heavy. in a realisation of how tired i actually was, i let myself drift off.