self control ; quackity x reader

part 20

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they say people do crazy things when they're in love. well shit, if alex really was telling the truth then that kid is living proof of it.

walking back down that hallway felt like a dream.. or i guess, a nightmare. it was surreal. i was moving but couldn't feel myself walking, hearing only my deep shaky breaths echoing through my head. by the time i had reached our room, i hadn't even noticed i was already there. the entirety of my body and my emotions felt numb.
taking a deep breath, i entered the room to see levi laying on the bed, seemingly unfazed by the fact he had just had someones hands wrapped around his neck.

"hey.." he said, propping himself up on his elbows as he saw me. "are you okay?"
it was strange. i have no idea what i was expecting. it's not like i thought i'd walk in to him crying but the way he asked if i was okay was just so casual.

"can i ask you something?" i asked, skipping his question.

"uh yeah, of course." he ran a hand through his hair.
there he went again. just... so unbothered. am i overthinking?

"why.. did.. alex do that?" i finally asked.

"well, you know. same thing. threatening me to tell you "the truth"," he said, lifting up one hand to air quote sarcastically. "but you already know the truth."

"but do i, levi?" as i had questioned him, i began to question myself and what i had believed with this whole situation. "where's my diary?"

levi squinted his eyes slightly at me. "you're not serious, are you? i thought we went over this. you even said it yourself - none of us even knew about your diary except for alex who by the way, you didn't tell in the first place! he just somehow knew. not even aksel knew and that's saying something."

"but this doesn't make sense.. why is he so persistent on you?" i said as i walked towards the bed to sit in front of levi. "now that i think about it, i've never even seen the guy hurt a fly. sure, he.. throws things and all that as a joke but he never does anything to physically hurt a person on purpose."

"whatever, he's just a dick. you saw the way he treated me when i first started at school"

"he may be a dick but he used to be my best friend for god's sake." i let out a light-hearted chuckle, shaking my head in amusement at myself as i threw my hands up in the air, letting them fall onto my thighs with a light slap. "alex was my best friend. i know him..."
so why the fuck didn't i at least try to listen to him? i finished off the sentence in my thoughts, still shaking my head; only now it was in disbelief. it doesn't make sense. no, levi loves me, doesn't he? it really can't be. i don't even think i know that much about levi. the most i've gotten from him is when he introduced himself at school. so why the fuck was i only believing him?

"so what are you saying?" he asked, cocking up an eyebrow.

"levi, do you really love me?"

he sat up properly and leaned over to grab my hand. "what? yes, of course. i love you, y/n."

i desperately looked into his hazel eyes to find any sign of a lie but all i found were small golden flecks surrounding his pupils which i had never noticed before.

"you know... i was going to try and tell you this before but earlier on i think i saw a flash of red leather in alex's backpack when we were about to get in the car. i think maybe you should try to ask him about that." he smirked only for a split second before he picked up my hand and kissed it, thinking he was doing something but there it was. the truth was out.

"why would i do that?" i glared at him.

"what?" he laughed. "what d'you mean? because your dia-"

i cut him off. "levi, i've told you many things about my diary but what it looks like isn't one. what aren't you telling me?"

his eyes went wide and he dropped my hand before standing up. "look, i just realised i gotta go do something quickly. won't be long." he seemed almost annoyed as he grabbed his bag and walked towards the door.

"don't you dare fucking leave me again. please. if anything you said to me- about us, was true.. even in the slightest, you'd know not to leave again."
every time he left, something bad would happen and i knew that now. i knew there was something he wasn't telling me and i just wanted to hear the complete truth from him. after all, we still had feelings for each other, right?

he looked at me with empty eyes before turning to leave, shutting the door behind him. i think in that moment a part of me just knew. he would do it again and when the next time came around, he wouldn't be coming back. although he didn't say anything, his response was loud and clear. in that moment i now knew he never really did love me. alex was right all along.

"you... YOU MANIPULATIVE FUCKING ASSHOLE," i shrilled, grabbing the nearest pillow and throwing it as hard as i could at the door.

although only a minute had passed, i felt as if i sat there for a lifetime.

knock knock knock

"y/n? you there? it's me." the voice said softly. it was aksel. "i'm coming in."
he opened the door slowly and poked his head in first before taking a step in. "hey, i uh.. i heard about what happened. i called the others to tell them we aren't coming to the convention today."

"aksel... i made i mistake," i said in a brittle voice, looking at him through the blur of my tears.

it felt like the numbness i had felt before subsided all at once and a breakdown hit me. my heart ached and my body felt like jello.

"hey, hey, hey... y/n, shh it's okay. talk to me." aksel came over to sit next to me, tip toe-ing as if one wrong move could set off a bomb.

you'd think that the first thing i'd talk to aksel about was levi but it wasn't. it was alex. he was the only thing on my mind.
"it's just that... alex... i can't lose him... i don't want to lose him but i just did. i fucked up," i said, a complete mess.
tears endlessly streamed down my face as i held the bottom of my tear-stained shirt, my hands shaking.

aksel looked at me for a second before looking down and laughing quietly, a short huff of air out his nose.

"what?" my broken voice asked, confused.

aksel's eyes trailed back up to mine and with one swift movement, lifted his right hand to wipe a tear away on my face with his thumb and tucked a loose hair behind my left ear. his hand felt slightly cooler due to my face burning up from the tears.
"you see... that's exactly what alex said about you," he smiled.

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