self control ; quackity x reader

part 21

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the following day was quiet. levi must have snuck in sometime during the night to get his bags because when i woke up in the morning, all evidence of him was gone. he was gone and i was right. the next time he would leave, he wouldn't be coming back and he didn't. but that didn't stop me from wanting answers. i had actually tried to call him in the morning but all i was met with was an automated voice saying: "sorry, the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected or is no longer in service". kind of pathetic, really. as in me. i'm the pathetic one.
it's insane to think that this all happened because of a diary.
but it wasn't. in fact, that was so far fetched from the truth. the diary was just an accomplice.
i wished so badly that this was all just some nightmare but when i'd pinch myself, i'd have to come to terms each time that i was already awake. aksel told me it would be best if i just stay in my room which i of course had no problem with. the only times i would get out of bed was to go to the bathroom and open the door to aksel or room service for food. coming on this trip was indeed a mistake because all this did was cause trouble. i felt horrible for ruining it all for aksel and alex and most of all i was just angry at myself.

i stared at the empty space beside me on the bed where levi once laid; the table where he once sat; and at the bathroom where he once stood. it's crazy to think that a person can come into your life and then disappear from it so quickly. well, i assumed i wouldn't be seeing him again. i didn't want to anyway.

knock knock knock

"aksel? is that you?" i called out, gripping my blanket as i got ready to pull it off me and get out of bed, expecting to hear his voice call back in return.
no response.
i got up and walked to the door, opening it. no one was there. "what the hell?" i thought to myself.
i looked in both directions, looking out into the empty hallways but when i looked down, that's when i saw it. my diary. did levi drop it off? it was strange; i couldn't even tell if i was even happy and relieved to see it. at this point i just felt so drained of emotions - not even sure if i was able to break out the smallest smile.
i picked up the red leather diary and held it in my hands, feeling the surface full of small fine lines. hesitantly, i opened it up and flicked through the pages when suddenly a folded piece of paper fell out. i didn't know what i expected when i opened it up but when i did, i quickly realised it was actually a letter from alex. i recognised his handwriting scribbled all over it in red pen just like the previous one he had left me. although this time, he signed it with his name.

'i don't know what to feel anymore. i don't know what's wrong with me. i've wasted so many days not telling you that i love you. so many days not being there to show you that i love you. i wasted so much fucking time.
i'm sorry, y/n.

- alex'

when i looked back at the opened diary i had noticed he placed it in between pages i had written about him. pages where i described my feelings for him and i realised he had obviously read them but at this point i couldn't care less. my heart hurt to read what alex had written and i felt my hand holding the letter instinctively come up to my chest, pressing against myself as i felt my heartbeat quicken. my mind raced back to what had happened yesterday in that room. images flashed in my head of alex's face as he had his hands around levi's neck; alex's face as he said "is that what you want to hear?"; and alex's face as i finally said that i never wanted to see him again before turning to leave him. but despite all that, he was right. he warned me and i didn't fucking listen. despite everything i said to him, i knew it was right to go see him. although i had no idea what the hell i would even say; i had to just see him.

i placed his letter back into the diary and shut it, gripping it close to my chest as i opened my room door and set out into the hallway. not gonna lie, i don't know why, but i was terrified.
i walked down to his room and when i arrived, i suddenly realised i could hear mumbling from the other side of his door. it was him and aksel. i knew i shouldn't have been listening in but i couldn't help it. i stepped closer to the door.

"aksel, why am i so messed up?" alex asked.

"no alex, you aren't messed up."
there was a brief moment of silence.
"okay, maybe what you did was a little messed up but i know you mean well."

i took a step back. "shit, i really shouldn't be doing this. i'll just... come back later", i thought to myself.
i turned around and began to slowly walk away but what i heard next made me stop dead in my tracks.
alex had suddenly let out a gut-wrenching scream which led to loud sobs of pain that i could hear in his voice. his scream tore through me, piercing and shattering my heart. it was one of those screams that made your eyes instantly gush with tears and your body ache in pain for them. or i guess, with them.
i could hear aksel hushing him and comforting him but before i knew it, my legs were pounding against the carpeted flooring, making their way back to my room.

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hey babes - here's the long awaited part 21! it's been a couple months since i last posted but i realised that tomorrow (i think) marks one year since i first started this story!
quackity has come such a long way since then and i'm so proud of him!!
i only found out about a week ago that aksel had actually confirmed that him and alex aren't friends anymore and i'm absolutely devastated about it. i knew something was up since they hadn't done anything with each other for the longest time but i don't know why i never thought that it was because they just weren't friends anymore. i just wish all the best for the both of them.
i will still be trying to finish this story nonetheless with the both of them though since that is what i initially intended to do so i apologise if it's a little weird.
also, for newer readers who have started watching quackity more recently, i'm so sorry!! this obviously won't be including anyone like george, karl, tommy, etc. since the story is set when alex was still with his old crew who he unfortunately doesn't create content with anymore :(

for those who have been here from the start/those who are still reading this, i thank you all so much!!