URGE

Chapter 2

"Phew!, hey relax, your reek's killing my sense of smell."

"Relax Rox, hey c'mon!! Rox!", he yelled and I put my head back with my lids shut tight and my lips curled up in a chuckle.

"Whaaaat...? I'm damn hornt up", I said and gave out a bitchy laughter followed by small sobs.

"You're drunk again and you know I won't bone you in such a state... leave", Alex said in an angry tone as he lifted me off his lap and onto my feet, stuffing my purse into my hand.

"I don't need you, bastard", saying in a slur, i turned to leave but he smacked on the left cheek from my back. Mouth ajar, i sat down on my butt that second and began to hyperventilate. I saw him enter the bedroom and shut the door .

From there,  he screamed out, "Call me that again and I'll give your teeth out as the 67th birthday gift to your rotten mama in her stinky grave." He pointed his index at me, and gave me a disgusted look.

This was the sixth time Alex hit me. I've been counting because I always plan to leave him the next time he hits me. I just couldn't; I really love him... well, I'm not sure but he seems to compensate my loneliness most of the time.
He hit me first when i took his car out without his knowledge to buy a cake in town for his birthday as a surprise since i was no cook. The Mohammed Ali in him hasn't let me go free on an offense... not without a good punch.

Oh no! I slept here on the rug? With my head throbbing and trying to stand, i fell back down   and let out a cry of exasperation.
"Not again, Rox." I repeated for the umpteenth time in my head.
I struggled to get out to my car and my struggle paid off as I finally bent over my bonnet but oh, I left the car keys in there; my purse.

I sat on the bonnet, feeling too tired to walk back in there.
"Really, is he still pissed off at me? I miss him and come to see him and Alex smacked me? I'm not coming back to this bastar..."

"Hey!", my thoughts were interrupted.
My purse hit my face and i flinched.
"Get outta here." He said again.
I raised my head to look at him, he was in a head band and denim shorts with his chest bare. The sight i always loved to wake up to with my head massaging the heavenly abs and oh his supple lips munching slowly on my ear as he blesses my scalp with his fingers in masseur fashion.

Snap!!

"What the hell are you thinking about? I asked you to leave, X."

"Uh yeah, whatever." I muttered.  Inwardly grinning that he called me X, at least.

I jumped down and flinched. My head still ached. I got into the car and as i turned the ignition, i heard him yell, "Take care, I love you!" But i drove off without reacting.

I smiled all the way home, thinking about his last words. Lily was standing at the gate, biting her nails like she always did when frustrated.

"She's going to throw a fit." I made note to myself. I waved her to open the gates. She hesitated for about five seconds but did.
Twice on my left arm, she hit me with balled up fists immediately i got out and locked the car.

" Why? " I asked, surprised although i knew why she did that.

"Why? Did you just ask that? Why the hell will you do that to me again? Why? Why Rox?" She hit me hard for the last time and I realised she was teary.

I was just going to explain when she walked out on me into the hallway.  I followed her but she climbed upstairs faster. I decided to do the apology later since I was famished and turned to the kitchen.

Lily had waited for me. I bet she cried.  I never want her to. I felt so sad because I had obviously disappointed her again and I just thought of what I discovered to push me back here. I wasn't back because I missed her.
It was because I was too shocked and could commit suicide back there.

I was pregnant. This child has to die. Even I had to die and Lily deserved to spend some quality time with me before I could leave her like mum did us.

"Oh my! Wow... what happened here?" I muttered to myself, ignoring how bad I felt.
There was steak, lasagna, boxes of pizza, wine, two cakes in the center of the dishes which were seperated by a colourful salad; a big rainbow fruit cake and my favourite chocolate milk cake on which was written, "WELCOME HOME, ROXPORSCHE!" I began to cry.

Lily had prepared a feast and I was guzzling alcohol in a pub. No, I just can't stop drinking. Not when mum's memories and plight still haunt me like I'm her murderer.

I bent over the table and began crying, stifling a scream as I thought about how miserable I made my sister and myself. She had never been happy and I made things worse for her since she took my problems seriously as hers than I even did myself.

"You've become worse." I heard Lily say and I turned around sharply to see her standing with a tear stained face and her hand on the door knob.

Lily looked at me with pity and rage at the same time as she said, "I knew you loved Italy and prepared this with more than a half of Italian dishes so you'd feel at home when you arrived and maybe decide not to go back.I followed a tutorial to make the cakes. It wasn't easy. You know I've never cooked. Rox, I love you so much and when are you going to realise that you're hurting me?!" She yelled at the last part and I shook in a second, shutting my eyes and using my hand in a gesture, asking her to calm down but I think my action drove her wilder as she said again in a yell, " I'm beginning to hate you and you better stop me. I'd kill myself the moment I realise that I actually hate you, Rox!!!"

She stormed off in a run.

"Wait Lil, please wait, Love. Lily, please." I cried and ran after her to her room but she shut the door in my face. After standing there for a while and sobbing just like I did days after Lily's eighteenth birthday, I walked back to the kitchen.

I decided to eat everything on the dinner table even if I would choke on it to death. I stuffed two pizza slices into my mouth and immediately spat it back out into the salad. The food had gone bad overnight.