Mirror | Changlix

13. guilt

Jisung gasped for air.

"...Chan?" He whispered as he lost conciousness and slid down against the wall.

Felix's mind cleared and he turned around.

A tall handsome boy with curly hair gripped his hands tightly. His eyebrows furrowed in anger and worry.

"Chan hyung?"

"Chan is back?"

"Who's Chan?"

"Chan... Bangchan hyung?"

"Bangchan?"

"Didn't he leave for Australia?"

"I guess he's back."

People whispered among themselves.

Felix's pupils contracted. 'Chan hyung? Why is HE back?'

"Felix, that's enough." Chan said flatly. "He's done. You can stop now."

The realization dawned at Felix. He looked at his hands. There were traces of Jisung's blood on them.

"..."

The rest of the day passed in a blur.

Someone called an ambulance that took Jisung to the hospital.

Felix went to the director's office. They called his parents. He spent there the whole afternoon.

In the end he got suspended for two weeks.

His parents didn't even scold him. They were so shocked they couldn't say anything to him exept telling him to go to his room and reflect on his actions.

They would never expect their own son to beat up someone to unconciousness.

Felix couldn't believe it either. He didn't get along with Jisung anymore but he didn't want to hurt him.

Hyunjin didn't say much either. As if he closed off himself too.

So Felix was stuck alone with his thoughts. And guilt.

The next days went on quite slowly.

Every day after school Jeongin came to visit him.

"Hyung, are you okay?"

"Mhm. How is Jisung doing?"

"I think he's doing better. I've heard they let him out of the hospital yesterday."

"Oh, that's good."

"..."

"..."

"Hyung?"

"Hm?"

"Did you really want to do it? You know how I mean it."

"..."

"You don't like Jisung, but you never hurt him before."

"..."

Felix leaned back against the wall and thought.

Maybe it was him but maybe it wasn't. It wasn't like he never thought of fighting back. But he never dared to.

It was as if Hyunjin lend him his confidence to do that. Unfortunately it also came hand in hand with so much anger and cruelty.

"Hyunjin."

"Yes?"

"Why do you hold so much hatred towards the world?"

"..."

"..."

"Most people are vile and loathsome creatures. They hurt the others around them, most of the time they don't even realize the weight of their actions...

"...But the worst ones are those, who do actually realize but they do it anyways. These people don't deserve any pity nor remorse."

"...But Jisung didn't deserve it."

"I don't know, did he? You tell me."

"..."

"You could have stopped sooner.

"But you choose to continue. That means you also wanted to get revenge. For all the times he had wronged you.

"See? The guilt falls on your shoulders. Not mine."

His lips curved into a wry smile.

Jeongin blinked.

"Hyung, what did the ghost say to you?"

"Huh? How did you-?"

"You talked out loud again."

"Oh."

"..."

"..."

"Hyung, I know you would never do such a thing. It's that evil ghost. But don't worry. We'll find a way to get him away from your body." Jeongin patted Felix's hand reassuringly.

Felix wanted to cry. Jeongin was so pure. He believed he was a good person even when Felix wasn't so sure about himself anymore.

'Was Hyunjin right? Was I the one who actually hurt Jisung? Am I the one to blame?'