Your Fall

Grays

"You know..." You lick your lips as he pulls you by your legs from your sitting position to your back. Your head is the only thing left leaning against the wall. Maybe this should hurt since the last tattoos he did a few nights ago are still in recovery, but the calm wave had swept over you well before the flickering of the lights outside of the room began. "I admire you." The banging on the wall has melded with the monotone gray of the background.

You feel his cold hands on your stomach as he pulls your T-shirt up and tucks it into the collar. "My parents are always on my case. They always say that I am doing everything wrong. Everything." His palm is just as cold as his fingertips. It rests inches away from your belly button as you feel your skin bounce up and down to the poking of his tool. You feel nothing just like before. Just like you should as you stare off into the dark gray shadow at the bottom of the door.

"My my father struggles a lot. He he has this horrible disease and has lost a lot of muscle mass over the two-year time frame that he has been waiting for the drugs. He used to be top of the guard, the strongest member, and the best in any combat situation until his relapses started and his muscles began to disappear. That was like overnight really, and he's been tough on me ever since." Even from a distance, you can feel the lack of emotion. The guard's voice expresses nothing. Somehow his voice stays the same no matter the subject he spews.

"That's why I look up to you." You stare blankly ahead, feeling nothing as the time falls away and his voice dies down. Your thoughts are empty and quiet. Finally in a lull state. Nothing pokes or jabs you. You feel like his voice sounds.

"I wish I was as strong as you were to kill your parents." The door stands tall. While you are minuscule. Nothing. The door knows it. That is why it traps you in here, so you don't waste space for anyone else. Raven knows it. Why else would she not visit since the week and a half since you have been here? Why else are you on the ground of a metal cage? You are nothing. No one misses you. But that is okay. The ovals help. They have always been there for you even when no one else was. They are still there for you even when you are alone.

His cold hand traces the side of your torso, squeezing your curves. He rubs your skin but you feel nothing. It doesn't seem attached. Nothing seems to be there.

"I am nearly finished." The words slip through your ears without a trace. His hand presses hard on your stomach but leaves no mark. All you do is stare at that door. Your eighteenth birthday is years away, but you can still imagine the day it finally ends. Everything will go black. Nothing will matter. There won't be any more to feel. You won't remember your mother or father. Cayen or Raven. This guard. Or any of your friends. You will no longer need to suck down air you don't feel comfortable breathing. You will be as you are now. Numb. Empty. But you won't have to stare at the grays anymore. You will no longer feel colorless and empty. You will be at peace. Or not. Does it matter? All that matters is you are gone.

You curl your fingers in, feeling the numbness of each tip like a warm hug while the guard mumbles on about how his dad waits for hours in the medical line for a drug he'll probably never get and how he has nightmares about developing the same harsh uneven steps that he has. How neither of his parents understands his job or why he works late nights. You lay your fingers to rest palm upon the ground once more and attempt to lick your lips. It has been days since you have accepted any of the food or water that they have offered you. The only reasons you haven't fainted are because they force water down your throat and you barely move. You can feel your muscles withering beneath your skin and your veins tightening within.

It's only a matter of time to see what will take you down first. Your eighteenth birthday or your inner demons.

"Hello? Y/n?" You move your neck around, noticing now for the first time that the guard is no longer here and the flickering lights have been turned off. You lick your lips once more but have no energy to move out of the position you are in, allowing your neck to stay in the bent position.

"Y/n, I know you are there. Are you okay?" You must have zoned out. You can hardly recall the guard being here let alone remember him leaving. You look down and see that your shirt is covering your stomach. Maybe he never came? You used to get weird hallucinations at night when you took the white ovals, maybe that is what last night was?

"Y/n, talk to me, please. I just want to know if you are alright?" You open your mouth but your throat is dry. Your arms and legs feel numb and heavy. You attempt to push yourself back into the sitting position but only earn a rasped groan. You couldn't move. Nothing felt right. Your neck was burning from the tattoo the guard put behind your ear. Your belly is screaming in agony as you try to muster any movement.

With a grunt, you give up. Acidic tears try to peek through but you are so dehydrated that they sting for a heartbeat then dwindle to nothing. The door ahead of you waivers and moves. You feel yourself wanting to fall and vomit but you are already on the ground and are in no condition to move. The gray room shakes and spins before you realize that you have fallen on your side. A sour burn choking your throat as you look before you and chunks of green bile cover the gray.

"Y/n? What is going on?" The green looks good on the gray. It's nice to add another color to the room. Adds character.