Your Fall

Shakes

"Y/n, come on try to sleep." You shake your head at the dark blurry figure beside you, twisting uncomfortably on the couch. Your heart is racing. Your fingers numb in front of you as they attempt to tear into the surface of the couch cushion.

"It's for your own good, I promise." Your throat is dry. It has been dry for what seems like an eternity. You feel electric currents shooting up every fiber within your body. Feeling all the pain and confusion and micro shake that your body endures.

Your eyes close but open once more, the pull of the bags under your eyes keeping you awake. Your breath comes in choked gasps. Your arm spasms. Raven's hand immediately places itself on top of your side. Tears prick at your eyes but don't fall. You're too dehydrated. Nothing comes out when nothing is in.

You feel every ache in your body as your body continues to shake uncontrollably. There's no relief. You can't sleep. Your head is exploding with the headaches and heartbeat drumming behind your eyebrows. Your numb fingers scratch at your forehead trying to relieve pressure any way you can before hands pull yours away and hold them against the couch cushion once more.

Your entire body feels putrid and alien. Nothing about it makes sense. The past few nights tremors have been a reoccurring symptom you've had to deal with. It has made you fall in the shower. Pushed you into a wall so hard you passed out on the floor. It doesn't let you sleep. There is no peace as your body continues to shake. Your shoulder twitches over and over. Each day the symptoms seem to change, but the shaking never goes away. Today you have sweat through this sweatshirt multiple times. It has not been dry since Raven helped you pull it over your head. It's cold and heavy. Adds weight as your body slips from you.

You haven't talked. Not to Raven, who has been watching over you since she flushed the new pills down the toilet. You haven't moved from the couch. Not to go to the bathroom. No. You have nothing in your system because you can't eat. You can't remember the last time you drank water. Your neck still stings from the new tattoo that Raven had you get. It was like a star and a mo- or a sun. It was something to do with space that was her trying to help me see the future around me. Something like that with the future.

"Shh... sh... sh.. You're okay Y/n." Your neck twitches and becomes still as you stare numbly at the couch cushion in front of you. Raven's fingers are distant but you feel them trying to rub your cheeks. Trying to calm you down.

Your fingers try to tear once more at the fabric in front of you, but all you feel is a numbed graze. Your heart hasn't stopped pounding. It is trying to escape. You are trying to escape. Your breath comes in gasp once more. Painful bolts of lightning freeze your chest as you try your best to fill your lungs.

The world around you makes no sense. Everything hurts to touch. Or irritates you. Or feels like nothing. Your hands can barely stay in your focus as the shaking in your body progresses. You hear the thudding of the old worn couch on the floor. But it sounds like the thuds of footsteps. Your heartbeat jumps and falls. Jumps and falls. Never staying at one pace for more than maybe a second. Raven's voice scratches at your ears. Her touch sends fires along your skin. You know she is trying to help. You understand that. But it hurts. It all hurts too much.

You haven't been able to cry since the first night she took you off. You wanted to but nothing came. You haven't heard your voice or felt music in your ears. Everything is always dark because even the dingy lights turn my eyes into volcanoes.

Everything is distant and yet close. There doesn't seem to be any familiarity around you. What you would do to be able to get up and try to shower again or be allowed to slam your head into the wall. The pain never ceases. It pulls and pushes. It tangles and rips. Your lungs are on fire and your ribs feel crushed. Your head won't stop twitching and your fingers are not yours.

You take in a raspy breath. The fire burns in your lungs. It ignites deep and then follows the exhale to your tongue, tearing it; shredding it. You can't move your eyes. You feel your lips part as the tremors greaten. You do all you can to relax. To pull down a breath.

You see your eyelids flicker in your eyesight. Feel Raven caressing your cheeks. You can't move. Your body is empty. It's numb. Your lips start twitching. Moving in tense jerks to an unheard message. Your neck flexes. Your shoulders tense.

"Okay. Okay Y/n, you're having another seizure. I need you to relax." Weight on your arms. Weight on your stomach. The tics intensify. Your eyes are not moving.

Your breaths come out in rapid pushes. Your shoulders twitching opposite to your lips. The friction crackles lightning. The electricity nags at your wrists and arms, at your knees and hips, at your stomach and throat.

Your neck contorts. The pain twists and turns your torso. Everything you see is blurry; distant. The shaking flips your arms over, falling randomly along your torso. You can hear Raven calling your name. Telling you that it is alright. Your throat closes and opens at random. Your breath is a mixture of heavy breathing and snorts. Exhaustion pulls on your body. It holds weight to your bones and fingertips. It chokes your neck and keeps your forehead to the side.

The shaking calms but your eyes stay glued. Your breathing is somewhere detached from yourself as your chest fights to move.

"I'm here Y/n."

"I'm here with you."