The Worst PJO Fanfic Ever

OMG! WHY DOES EVERYONE TOTES LOVE ME!!???

(THIS IS A CRACKFIC TO MAKE FUN OF MARY SUE FANFICTIONS. If you've had a few Mary Sue or Gary Stu characters before, it doesn't necessarily mean you're bad at writing. You just need to make a more realistic character.

MARY SUE DEFINITION: (originally in fan fiction) a type of female character who is depicted as unrealistically lacking in flaws or weaknesses. She also warps the storyline and characters' personalities to depict her 'perfect' personality, making the story BORING AS HADES'S FAVOURITE SHOW - THAT HORRIBLE ETV VIDEO ABOUT ANATOMY. 

@violunaviking @Vinoamadora  geddit?

THERE WE GO, AND ENJOY.)

Hi, my name's Evangel Mary Sue Electra Ocean Tsunami Otrera Lightning Skylar Seminary, but you can call me Evangel Seminary, and this is the story of how I became a demigod.

It all started on a rainy day, when I woke up on my really soft fluffy king sized bed with a bright pink comforter and several heart shaped pillows. I sat up and stretched, letting out the cutest little yawn ever. Then I pulled off my Gucci nightgown, changed into my queenly robes and made my way over to the bathroom.

I looked at my reflection and frowned. My flawless golden locks cascaded in piles around my shoulders and my smooth skin was radiant as always. UGH, I LOOKED SO UGLY!!!!! I glared at the mirror and punched my reflection in the face, hurting my hand in the process. "OWWWWWWW!" I wailed in my melodic voice, clutching my not-bruised fist.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. My brain made a funny noise. I had never heard this sound before, but I guess I was too perfect to notice it!

"WHAT'S ALL THIS RACKET ABOUT, EVANGEL MARY SUE ELECTRA OCEAN TSUNAMI OTRERA LIGHTNING SKYLAR MELODY SEMINARY?" Yelled my stepfather, Geeb Poogliano, who had somehow teleported up all 55 flights of stairs to reach my bedroom in the mansion we lived in.

( A/N: This type of fanfiction doesn't have an ounce of originality, so bear with me.)

Perfect tears rolled down my flawless face, not even ruining the mascara which I'd previously applied before bed. "I hurt my hand!" I wailed melodiously. Geeb frowned and stomped his feet like a gorilla. 

"DEAL WITH IT, EVANGEL MARY SUE ELECTRA OCEAN TSUNAMI OTRERA LIGHTNING SKYLAR MELODY SEMINARY," he grabbed me by my luscious gold locks and threw me out of the window, where I plummeted to the floor, screaming angelically. 

Geeb snorted like a bull and stomped downstairs to the living room of our 55-floor mansion, doing his gorilla thing again.

I landed on the floor in the shrub nearby with a frantic yell which sounded more like an angel singing in Les Mis. UGH! MY STEPFATHER IS SO MEAN!! I brushed away a perfectly round shiny tear and went back towards the mansion, wondering why I'm so ugly. 

Geeb was waiting at the door. He grabbed me by my shoulders and yeeted me upstairs after telling me that I looked like an ugly downtrodded mugwump, then proceeded to fasten a medal enscribed with 'Downtrodded Mugwump' onto the front of his best food bib.

I sighed mournfully and began to sing Under the Sea while sadly looking out of the rain-mist window before Geeb stomped up again and bashed my brains out. Then I tidied up and headed off to school, Geeb roaring from behind that I was an oddbod blubberful dishwasher pizza.

~ time skip brought to you by Evangel Seminary (and no this story was not sponsored by Evangel Seminary) ~

I skipped into Yaknog Middle School and looked around for my locker. It was the start of the school year and I was sure that NO ONE WAS GOING TO LIKE ME!!!! OMG!!! Suddenly I spotted my bestie, Jessica-Rachel Zoella Silver Moonlight Sterling. 

Hmmmmmmmmm. The brain noise was back. I smacked my head quirkily and did a cute twirl before facing Jessica-Rachel Zoella Silver Moonlight Sterling.

"AAAAAA BESTIEEE!!!" We raced towards each other and jumped up and down happily while the author and her best friends started pummeling each other to death nearby, pausing occasionally to cringe at my greatness.

"OMG!! EVANGEL, I SAW THIS HOT BOY IN THE CAFETERIA JUST NOW!" Jessica-Rachel squealed, blinking her chocolate brown orbs in pure excitement. 

"UGH, I'M TOTALLY NOT INTERESTED IN NEW BOY BECAUSE THE AUTHOR WANTS TO MAKE ME AS BADASS AND INDEPENDENT AS POSSIBLE BUT IN THE WORST WAY EVER!" I exclaimed, batting the thick curtains of eyelashes that framed my ever-changing rainbow coloured orbs. 

( A/N: orbs = eyes. It's apparently a thing to see with your orbs.)

"As I said, Bestie, I'm NOT THAT TYPE OF GIRL," I rolled my orbs in that wannabe sassy way, which were now a shade of electric blue. 

Jessica-Rachel rolled HER orbs in response. "Well whatever, I'm going to go talk to that hot boy. I think he's Spanish, because he told me to erre es korakas. I think that means 'kiss him passionately' in Spanish." Then she flipped her short brown hair and sashayed down the hall.

"BESTIEEE! WAIT A MINUTE!" I called, running down the hall at lightning speed. "Do you remember that new Mythomagic card they started selling yesterday?" Jessica turned around at top speed. 

"OMG! IT'S THE PRIAPUS CARD! HE'S THE GOD OF VEGETABLES AND WOOING LADIES WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT! I HEARD THAT HE'S THE BEST GOD CARD EVER!" My bestie shrieked.

"HE'S GOT LIKE, -25 HIT POINTS! SOO POWERFUL!" I chimed in. Jessica and I looked each other in the eyes and yelled in unison, "WE'RE SUCH NERDS BECAUSE WE PLAY NERDY MYTHOMAGIC AND TALK IN NERD LANGUAGE! AAAAAAAA!"

Just then, the kid who really played Mythomagic came along and laughed at Priapus's card. "Where did you even get this, Jessica? It's been out since last year and it's literally the worst card ever-" He looked at Bestie mockingly.

Then the kid saw me, pushed Jessica aside and immediately started flirting with yours truly, who WAS SO CONFUSED AS TO WHY HE WAS DOING THAT!! OMG!!!

"Wassup, hot stuff, you want some ramen and Chips Ahoy?" He put a rose between his teeth and ate it in three bites. I wasn't sure if it was part of the charm or if the author was just bored and wanted to wreak some havoc.

And yes, I TOTALLY KNOW THAT I'M A BOOK CHARACTER BECAUSE I'M SOOOO SMART. I winked at the camera like I was in The Office. 

"Hey baby," another kid with six pack abs sidled up to me. "I think you need some Elmer's Glue," he told me flirtatiously in his husky voice, his long swamp green hair blowing in the wind like a L'oreal Paris commercial. 

"HEY! I WAS HERE FIRST, BARTHOLOMEW!" Mythomagic boy shouted at Six Pack Abs boy. 

"EAT A METRONOME, MYTHOMAGIC BOY!" Six Pack Abs boy, who was named Bartholomew retaliated.

"Oh my! I do need more Elmer's Glue!" I exclaimed, a shocked but pretty expression on my face, confused as to why the boys were fighting over the attention of little ol' me! I mean, I'm just me!

"C'mon, Bestie, we're going to be late for our first class, Greek Mythology," Jessica took me by the arm and pulled me away from the scene. I followed her and looked back occasionally to check if Mythomagic boy and Six Pack Abs boy/Bartholomew were getting hurt, because I'm such a kind and caring girl.

(Hello, the very few nice people who decided to click on this story.

I'd like to get a few things clear first.

1. I am NOT attacking the people who write about Mary Sues.

2. People actually do use 'orbs' instead of 'eyes'.

3. I already feel the amount of backlash I'm going to get for writing this.

Now shut up and eat your yoghurt.

Just kidding, run along and have a nice day.

*eats beetle*)