Anger Management- Euphoria

fourteen

Nate Jacobs was a bad influence. We didn't do too much homework, he wouldn't stop talking. Well, it was more like flirting. He was a huge distraction, I had a self-narration due for my advanced writing class. I tried my best to ignore him, which was incredibly difficult since he never put his shirt back on, unlike me. I put on a hoodie and leggings, comfort over everything baby. 

I couldn't concentrate on my paper for a plethora of reasons. I had lost my virginity to my best friend, who up until six hours ago, I didn't know who wanted me like that. It was the most breathtaking experience of my life. It had made me feel at peace and complete. Never had I imagined that was how to would go down though. But afterward, I felt immense guilt. He had a fucking girlfriend, I felt dirty. But also what did that make Nate? He was undeniably a cheater and I knew it. And for some fucked up reason, I didn't care. 

I hadn't expected him to stay. But he did. We faced each other on my bed, our hands intertwined. I wanted to say something but I was afraid he was going to leave. But I couldn't be held back by reality. 

"What about Maddy?" I whispered, not meeting his eyes. 

His hands stiffened at my question. "I'm not sure."

What did he mean? He wasn't sure. I tried to control the venom in my voice. "Why did you come here, Nate?" 

"I don't know. I just wanted to see you." he said, moving his fingers again. His skin was hot compared to mine. "You're hands are cold." 

I chuckled lightly, "Don't try to change the subject. We have to talk." 

In some ways, Nate was like a little boy. He had to be to guided to talk about his feelings. 

When he stayed quiet, I told him how I felt. "You can't have us both. I'm not doing this while you're with Maddy." 

Neither of us looked at each other. "I know." 

I didn't want to force him to choose between us because honestly, there wasn't much of a choice. He loved Maddy. I know that he did. Even though they had their problems, they always bounced back, stronger than ever. 

We fell asleep, our hands bound together. 

-------------------------------------------

Nate was still asleep when I woke up. His dark hair swept over his brows as he slept. He was so beautiful. Not sexy, not hot. Beautiful. I couldn't help but run my finger along his chiseled jaw, before sliding out of bed. 

After the events of last night, I was in desperation for a shower. The water cascaded down my body, wrapping me in warmth. I took my time, lathering my body in sweet smelling soap. 

The bathroom was filled with steam as I stepped out. The mirror covered in smog. Just as I finished wrapping the towel around my body, the door opened. I spun, expecting it to be my mother. It was Nate and he looked devastated. What did I do? 

"I did that to you." he whispered in a broken voice, not moving a inch from the doorway. 

I furrowed my brows, confused. "What?" 

Nate pointed toward the mirror. "Look at yourself."

Swiping the steam away from the mirror, I got a good look at myself. What I saw didn't surprise me.  A large hand was printed in purple around my neck. The bruise didn't look that bad, but I didn't remember him gripping that tight. 

"Nate, it's oka-" 

He clenched his jaw, his breathing picking up. "Don't you fucking dare act like I didn't hurt you." 

I held my hands up. "You didn't hurt me!" 

There it was, that dominant anger that I had grown to love. "Are you fucking blind? My hand is still around your neck." 

I guess I needed to rephrase my last statement. "You didn't mean to hurt me, Nate." 

"So what? I made a fucking promise Rosalyn, that I would never hurt you." His fists tightened at his sides, ready to strike anything. 

I strided forward but he backed out. "Don't come near me. I promise I'll never touch you again." 

My lip quivered, terrified of what was happening. "Please Nate." I begged. "You know that's not what I want."

"But what if that's what I want?" he challenged, a sudden chill in his voice. 

"You don't mean that." 

He chuckled darkly. "How would you know? I got what I wanted." 

I didn't have an argument left in me. Everything was falling to pieces right after it all came together. But my susispsions were confirmed, he wanted Maddy, again and again. He got exactly what he had been after since Mckay's party. 

My heart splintered, tears threatened to pour down my face. Nate gave me an icy look before leaving me, for what I was afraid would be forever.