Anger Management- Euphoria

Twenty-seven

Tyler's messages racked my mind for the rest of the night. So many things about them were so familiar but it couldn't place from where. This uncertainty created a gaping cavity of anxiety in me.

All I wanted was a break but I could feel something was wrong. I knew it in my bones. A plethora of theories flew through my mind all night. I couldn't focus on the conversations that preceded that one. None of the theories were solid or made any sense, especially since I couldn't set where I had seen something similar.

Kat ordered pizza, I ate half a piece but I didn't taste it. My paranoia made me sick to my stomach, about what, I didn't know.

When I couldn't sleep at around 3 am, my phone began to incessantly vibrate. The buzzing radiated through the wood floor. I snatched up my phone, it felt heavy in my hand as I read Nate's name. Why was he calling at 3 am?

"Hey," I whispered. I didn't want to wake up the girls.

"What are you doing?" his voice was low, emotionless.

I hesitate a moment, "I can't sleep."

"Come outside." It wasn't a question.

"What are you doing here?" I probed, confusion seeping into my tone.

"Just come outside."

He hung up.

I wasn't even mad, just worried. I crept over to the window and pulled the curtain aside. Nate's silver truck was outside. Images from our last meeting in a car flashed through my mind, bringing a flush to my cheeks.

Pulling a hoodie over my head, I silently crept down the stairs. I closed the front door extra quiet. Nate wasn't sitting inside his car now, he was leaning against his passenger door with his hands in his front jean pockets.

"What's going on?" I whispered as I crossed the lawn.

It was so dark that I could barely see his face but I did see him shrug. I didn't count that as an answer.

More boldly I asked again, "Nate, what is going on?"

His voice was barely audible and he wouldn't meet my eyes. "Something is going on with me."

I gestured my hands toward him, "obviously."

A pit was sinking into my stomach the longer he went without looking at me. My biggest concern was if it was related to Bruce and his threats but his attitude didn't give off vibes of danger or urgency.

He cleared his throat and finally lifted his head. Instant ease filled me as I caught sight of his chocolate eyes but something was wrong. "You know that I love you. Shit, Rosie. I love you more than anything on this goddamn planet but-" he stopped, I assumed to try and plan his next words.

My chest tightened, at first, the words have been heartbreakingly sweet but nothing good ever happens after someone says but. I tried my best to be patient, didn't want to rush him.

He opened his mouth a few times without speaking before he finally gathered enough courage. "But, I have these wants and I don't understand why I have them," he took a breath. "It makes me fucking sick to my stomach," Nate said through gritted teeth.

I took a step closer to offer comfort but he didn't move. "What are they? It's okay you can tell me." I said trying to soothe him. I could hear the pain in his voice.

Nate was ashamed, I didn't know of what, but he was. I had never seen him be ashamed, regretful maybe but never ashamed. There was a child-like look to his eyes like he was confessing and readying himself for punishment.