Drowning In A River of Denial

Steam Boat Tugging

RYLIE

'So we're totally blowing off english' I said, climbing back onto the stage to get my bag.

'Alright' he said, following me.

'Oh, mr smarty pants Gaskarth doesn't mind not going to class' I said, he just shrugged.

'I'm very impressed, breaking the rules on your second day' I said, he just rolled his eyes.

I raked my brain for soething to do for a moment. If it was raining we couldn't leave schhol. The librarian would put us right on detention for ditching. A thought suddenly hit me and I looked up, grinning.

'I have an idea' I said

'I don't even know what it is but I don't think I'm going to like it' he said, I just shrugged and grabbed him by the wrist and ragged him backstage behind the curtains. I lead him over to the ladder where the light guys worked during perfomances.

'Up there?' Alex said, raising his eye brows.

'Yep' I said 'No one will find us, we can come back down at recess'

'Are you sure about this?' he asked, I looked right at him and watched him bite his lip. I adjusted my beanie and took a step towards him.

'I'm never sure about anything' I answered slyly, he smirked at me. I turned and stepped onto the ladder, climbing slowly. When we reached the top I grabbed onto the railing and pulled myself up. I turned and looked down at Alex.

'Come on' I said, he looked up at me, unsure. 'Don't you trust me?'

'Of Course'

'Well, come on then!' he started climbing, keeping eye contact with me the whole time and never looking down. When he got up, we shuffled along so we were sat next to each toher.

'See, that wasn't so hard was it?' I said, I couldn't stop smiling.

'Not at all' he said and draped his legs over the edge, I did the same. 

'So, Alex' I said

'So Rylie' he replied, just like he had yesterday.

'Tell me more about yourself?' I said, waving my legs back and forth

'Well uh, I play piano, obviously and guitar a bit. I draw a little and I write, poems and song mostly'

'Geez, you're fucking talented' I said 'I play guitar too but I'm pretty shit, my brother thinks I'm good though'

'I bet you're good, You have pretty long fingers' He said 'I could probably teach you piano too'

'I'd be shit, I'll stick with th- hey! my fingers are long!' I said, stretching them out.

'Plus you have a short attention span!' Alex said laughing

'Shut up!' I said, grabbong his hand and comparing the leanth, mine nearly being as long as his. 'You're right they are really long, I've never noticed that before.'

'or you've just never had a friend as observant as me before' he said

'That too' I said 'What else don't I know about you then?'

'I don't know' he shrugged 'What do you want to know?'

'Love life?' I said before I could stop myself

'I've only ever had one girlfriend before...' Alex muttered

'What happened with her?' I said quietly

'We'd been together for about a year, then things started going wrong with Dan' he said, his face becoming sad so I scooted closer to him 'When he died she dumped me'

'What a bitch!' I said, then realised what I'd said and slapped a hand over my mouth. 'why would she do that? That's the time you most needed someone!'

'I know' he sighed 'She saw me as emotionaly unstable. A ticking time bomb as she so delicately put it.'

'That's fucking messed up' I said, shaking my head 'If we were dating I would've stuck with you'

wow, wow, Rylie. If we were dating? where did that come from? Alex smiled sofly and rested his head on my shoulder, I smiled down at him.

'What about you then? You're love life?' he said, I just laughed.

'So you and Jack aren't....' he said, I almost choked.

'Me and Jack?!' I said, trying not to laugh 'No no no! ew! He's my best friend. No!'

'Ok okay' he said 'So you've never been with anyone?' he said, I sounded utterly pathetic. 

'Nope,'

'Well there's someone out there for you Rylie, just you wait and see' he said, I smiled.

'I guess I have a fear off falling, I have a sort of wall around me' I said 'Stops anyone getting too close so they can't hurt me, why I don't have many friends'

'Except Jack, Zack and Rian' Alex added

'And now you' I said, smiling at that.

'You just need someone to come at that wall with a fucking sledge hammer and knock it down' he said and I swear I felt him nuzzle into my neck a bit more.

'I wish it was that simple' I said

'It is' he insisted 'I could be anyone, you're friends brother, an ex boyfriend, anything. You just have to let them find you.'

I stayed quiet, not really knowing what to make of that just knowing it was right though.

'Anyway' Alex continued when I didn't say anything 'While on the sunject of friends, you may find it hard to believe but everyone left me when what happened with Daniel got out'

'That's fucked' I said, thinking about how Jack and the guys stuck with me through everything when my parents died. I couldn't have done it without them. Alex lifted his head and looked me straight in the eyes.

'You won't abandon me.' He said strongly

'How can you be so sure?' I whispered, he'd taken away my voice.

'I can see it in your eyes' he said, studying my face. We were silent for a monent.

'You're right' I said, Alex frowned 'I'm not going to abandon you.'