Drowning In A River of Denial

My Heart's Beating

RYLIE POV

The loud shreeking of my alarm clock pulled me from my slumber, I reached over to my bedside table and slammed my hand down on top of it, cutting out the ear splitting noise. My eyes opened slowly and I found my room wasn't filled with a warm yellow glow but an eerie grey colour, another rainy day I presume. I turned my head on my pillow and looked at my alarm clock, it slowly came into focus.

'Shit!' I cursed and threw the duvet off, jumping out of bed quickly. I ran to my wardrobe and threw on the first clothes that I could find, which just so happened to be a Dashboard Confessional shirt and bright red skinnies. I ran into the bathroom to quickly throw on make up and I caught a glimpse of my hair.

'Oh fuck' I said, attempting to flatten it a little, with no luck. I ran back into my bedroom and pullled on my purple beanie. In a spur of the moment decision I decided to pull on my leather jacket. I thundered down the stairs, Max held up a 5 dollar bill for my lunch, I smiled, kissing his cheek and grabbing an apple before breakfast before running out the door to the school bus.I looked arounf for a moment, hoping to see Alex. No luck, I sat down in my empty chair next to Jack and pulled out my headphones. I leant my head on the window, my hopes plummeted to the floor.

I slumped into my chair in geography. The teacher, Mr Fyall, had seated us alphabetically so I had just managed to get a seat next to Jack but we were both in the front row so no talking.I leant my head in my hands, closing my eyes and almost drifting away until I heard Mr Fyall bustle in. I opened my eyes and attempted to pay attention but got bored pretty quickly and raised my hand.

'Yes, what's the answer Ms Cole' he said

'Uh, I was just asing to go to the bathroom' I said

'Very well, passes are on my desk' he sighed and asked the question to someone else.I stood up and silently slipped from the classroom, grabbing my bag on the way out. I wandered down a random hall. My mind was stuck on Alex. Maybe he'd got sick from the rain yesterday? No, he barely even got wet. I'd probably just scared him off. I ended up in the music department and I ould hear a soft piano playing from a room, I followed it and peeked into the small window and saw Alex sitting at a piano with his back to me, singing. 

make it a sweet, sweet goodbye. It could be for the last time and it's not right.

I didn't know he could sing, and so well, is voice was sincere and velvety smooth.

"Don't let yourself get in over your head"he said, alone and far from home we'll find you.

 I leant forward intently, trying to get a better hear on him. the pace of the song sped up.

Dead! like a candle you burned out. Spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.Scream! to be heard, like you needed any more attention. Throw a bottle, break the door and disappear. 

I could practically feel the pain in Alex's voice. He was struggling to get those words out. i watched him carefully, he sat up straighter on the stool.

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams.Waiting to say "I miss you, I'm so sorry"

I opened the door as quietly as I could and walked as quietly towards the piano. I brought my hand to my mouth, I was completely overwhelmed by the emotion he was putting into this song. He had been hurt, and badly. Emotions were practically dripping off him, I bit my lip and continued to watch him as he placed his fingers delicately across the keys.

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams. Waiting to say "I miss you and I'm so sorry"

I approched the stage ever so slowly, Alex not even noticing me.

sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep.

I stopped just short of the stage, completely mesmerised by him. 

sing me to sleep (you've taken so much with you...) I'll see you in my dreams (but left the worst with me...) waiting to say,"I miss you. I'm so sorry"

I watched as he wiped his cheek with the back of his hand. I walked right up and onto the stage.

'wow' I said softly. Alex wiped his head around.

'You scared me' he said quietly

'Sorry' I said, sitting on the stool next to him 'Did you write this?'

'You heard it?' he said softly

'Yeah, it's amazing' I said picking up the papers in front of us. 'Lullabies'

'Yeah' Alex said, his voice barely a whisper, he rested his hands back on the keys and playing it again.

'What's it about?' I asked curiously, Alex stoped playing ubruptly. 

'You don't have to tell me' I said, backtracking quickly. 'I just figured a song so beautiful would have sentimental meaning behind it' 

'There is meaning' Alex mumbled, standing up and walking to the edge of the stage. he jumped down. I followed but just sat on the edge of the stage.

'Well?' I pushed politely

'It's about my brother' Alex whispered, sucking in a breath 'Daniel'

'If you're going to whisper you need to come closer' I said kindly to him, Alex stepped towards the stage, leaning on it with his elbows, head in hands.

'Alright, Lullabies is about my feeling towards my brother Daniel and what he did' Alex confess

'What did he do' I asked, wanting to reach forward and hold his hand. 

'He committed suicide' Alex choked, looking up at me, tears swimming in his deep brown eyes.

'Fuck' I said, not knowing what else to say.

'That's why I moved. Too many people knew about it over there, I couldn't go a day without being asked about it.' he said, his voice cracking 'It was too hard, everyone left me.' 

'I'm sorry' I said

'It's alright,' he said, sniffing and wiping his cheek with the back of his hand. I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped down from the stage.

'Come here' I said, pulling him into a hug. He didn't even hesitate to wrap his arms around me. I could feel him shaking with tears under my touch.

'Hey, hey, shh' I said soothingly. 'I'm not going to go anywhere, I promise'

I felt his grip tighten around me and I kissed his cheek softly, I took a half step back and wiped away his tears with my thumb.

'You're the first person to ever promise that tome Rylie

'What?'

'That you won't go anywhere' he said 'Most people will leave when they find out'

'I'm not most people Alex'

'I know that Rylie, I knew that from the first time I knocked you down.'