The Battle of Our Minds: Flesh and Blood

Dead Day

The library was quiet and still as the night neared to the end. Everly and Ruth sat at a large table in the private corner room, their notes strewn all over as if a tornado had just come through. On the abandoned bottom floor, they continued studying for their statistics midterm. They'd been alone there for the past couple of hours, as most students chose to use their midterm dead day for purposes other than studying. While some students chose to go downtown to the bars to unwind, Ruth and Everly alike had no interest in that style of unwinding. Ruth's dreamed of being a neurosurgeon, and the only way for her to relax was knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that she'd make top grades in each of her classes. Without a 4.0 GPA, she had no chance of getting into the competitive medical school programs that she aspired to be in. Ruth pressured herself to be the best, believing that she had to earn her worth. Simply being kind and genuine wasn't enough. She had to do more, be more, and be better than her parents. Like Everly, Ruth had come from a rural background. Neither of her parents had received a college degree, much less a high school diploma. Nonetheless, her parents made her promise to them that she would go farther than they ever had. She believed it was her responsibility to make them proud, even if it sucked the life out of her trying to do so. Trying to become a neurosurgeon meant not giving herself the opportunity to fail. It meant neglecting certain social opportunities. It meant dressing properly and running until she didn't have an ounce of fat on her body. It meant holding herself to a standard that she wasn't even sure she could meet, but she knew that even if she couldn't meet those standards, she would spend the rest of her life trying to do so. Trying to be perfect.

Ruth looked at Everly enviously.

How does she looked so relaxed? We have this midterm tomorrow and she's not even nervous. I feel like she's only here to be with me. Ruth thought to herself. I don't want her pity.

She looked up at Everly, pondering how she could be as unworried as she was. Everly sat cross-legged and barefoot in her seat, having slipped her Birkenstocks off about two hours ago so that she could be more comfortable. She was dressed casually, wearing a big sweatshirt and shorts. Her head was propped up on her hand as she slowly thumbed through her old notes, her messy, blonde top bun flipped to the side.

It must come naturally to her, Ruth thought to herself.

Ruth hated the fact that Everly got to live in Newman Hall, and she didn't. She contemplated a million times what made Everly so much better than her. Why she was so special that she got to live in the most elite dorm on campus. Ruth had graduated with a perfect GPA and near perfect test scores. She'd been valedictorian, class president, and a member of every club she could be a member of. She'd done everything right. What had she done wrong?

Ruth often felt like she had this deep internal flaw. No matter how hard she tried to be perfect, she always missed the mark, unable to meet the unattainable standard some otherworldly force had set for her. She assumed it was all in her head, but oftentimes, it felt all too real, and the pressure for perfection consumed her.

One thing Everly had over her was her group of friends from Newman Hall. Brianna, Wyatt, and Isaac. Deep down, she knew that Everly didn't need her and her friendship. She had nothing to offer.

Unfortunately for Ruth, she didn't know that friendship wasn't only about what you could get from someone. It was about what you could give. Everly wanted to protect Ruth and be a loyal and devoted friend to someone who clearly needed one. She knew that Ruth had good heart, but often got consumed and distracted by the worries of this world.

Ruth's face revealed her frustration – both at statistics and at Everly.

Everly looked up from her notes and looked at Ruth, concerned.