Silver and Cold |h.s.|

15. Head and Heart

Sleep was not your friend that evening.

You tossed and turned from lying on your back to lying on your good side, the side that wasn't injured, and you kept running through the chain of events that took place to land you here.

If only you were more pack oriented. If only you weren't so selfish. If only you hadn't fallen in love with a filthy human.

But he wasn't filthy at all...not even in the slightest.

The look on his beautiful face when you'd all but blurted out your feelings haunted you still. Every time you blinked you could see it. The straight set of his mouth, the wide shock of his eyes. It hurt and you hated that it did.

He made you feel weak and you were anything but weak.

When he'd retreated to his bedroom after finally agreeing to letting you sleep on the couch and not in the guest bedroom, he'd given you a wary glance, one that said he was trusting you to not hurt him in his sleep.

He hadn't even locked his bedroom door.

You'd contemplated leaving then. You'd thought about how it was time to get back to your family, to find your home even without your canine sense of smell. You could do it. Your senses were still heightened even in this form, more so than a normal human beings. It might just take a bit longer than it would if you were still a wolf.

You also worried.

How much longer until you forgot about your family? How much longer until you forgot what you were? If you forgot...did that mean you'd be stuck in this god forsaken form for all of eternity?

At a quarter to one, you rose from your curled up position on that familiar green couch and tip toed towards the front door. It looked to be cool enough that you might transform back into a wolf tonight, giving you enough time to locate your family and then by the time the sun warmed the Earth you'd be human and in front of your family again.

Your hand had just touched the doorknob when you'd heard it.

Harry was screaming.

On pure instinct, that string he had strung around your heart pulling you towards him had you running to his door and when you realized what you were doing you paused.

His whimpers and thrashing around in his sheets could be heard from the doorway but you couldn't find it in you to twist the knob and carry yourself across the carpet to him. You couldn't do it. Not now.

Not after everything.

You placed a trembling hand to the door, wishing you could go inside, climb into his warm bed that smelled of his cinnamon and salty scent, and comfort him in the way that he was used to. You so desperately wished you could but that had been before...this was how things were now.

He was scared of you. He did not trust you. How could you be his solace and comfort when you were a beast as he'd called you.

With a deep sigh and a guilty conscience, you slid down the doorframe and kept your hand pressed firmly against the door as you leaned against it, deciding then and there that you'd stay with him, even if you were separated by the door. You couldn't abandon him.

It was decided.

Right there, in that moment, it was decided that you were never going to leave him. You'd figure it out with your pack, with the forest, with your wolf nature. You'd figure it all out if it meant being with him, even if it were like this for the rest of your miserable life.

You didn't deserve him. You could never deserve his gentle soul, the one that you could not explain how it had attached itself to you, not even now. But damn...you'd try and you'd fail and you'd try some more if it meant being near him for as long as he'd allow it.