5SOS Preferences

stone

"hey, how have you been. i miss you. like i miss you a lot. our baby boy is doing great. oh, my he has grown up so much. he looks so much like you darling. they way his blonde hair just like you used to have. you should see his face light up when i play one of his daddys songs. he always looks so happy, its like he knows that its your voice hes hearing. i can not believe that he is going to turn one soon lukey. baby it gets harder everyday. it has been too long since ive felt your touch, heard you call me beautiful, say you love me. too long. i want you back more then words can discribe. fuck i still remember the looks on their faces when that god damn doctor came out and told us the news. michaels face looked like someone had just ripped this heart out of his chest. and you know what the first thing he said was. he said "the last thing i told him was that he was a loser and he needed to ahut up. im such a fucking idiot". we all knew that he was just saying he loved you when he said it. michael knew you loved him. and ashton, oh ashton. i dont know how to explain his reaction. he looked at me and then at the doctor. he was expressionless and it think that scared me more then hearing him cry. but then he did start crying and even punched a whole in the wall. he was so devastated. oh calum. calum was the worst out of the guys. he dropped down on his hands and knees and cried bloody murder. you could see the pain in his eyes. i dont think that he will ever be able to get over the loss of you luke. baby, he needs you back. our baby needs you back. i need you back. darlin you were my rock. you kept me sane while making me insane. everyday i wake up and roll over expecting you to be laying beside me. then my heart shatters in two remembering that youre gone. i still remember watching it happen. luke there was so much blood, oh so much blood. the sound of the tires squealing was horrific. then when you pushed my out of the way, your face looked so scared. i fucking blame myself everyday. every fucking day luke. why did you have to get in the fucking way. there were more people affected by your loss. i know you did it because you love me, and i am forever in your debt. youre my one true love luke. my soulmate. my other half. now im just walking around with half of me, but i get stronger everyday baby. i know i said "till death do us part" but i know youre not gone. youre in my heart, cause thats youre new home, and it always will be honey. see you soon baby. oh, by the way. calum and his girlfriend are pregnant with a boy. he said hes going to name him luke. i will see you soon. youre stone seems to need some cleaning baby. i love you, forever and always".

i cried while writing this