The Sleepless Book Reviews [CLOSED FOR CATCHUP)

New World by ZeeyWrites - Reviewed By SkyShadow11

Username: ZeeyWrites

Title: New World

Genre: Fantasy

Amount of reviewed chapters: 5

Reviewer: SkyShadow11

1. Title
Your title is simple and self explanatory, which definitely has that going for it. It's perfectly functional, but the two flaws are that it isn't unique to your story, (as in a lot of stories have the same element, and same title) and it's quite vague. However, these are small concerns and the title is perfectly fine for now. 

2. Cover
Just like your title, the cover is simple and functional. Not only that, but it is visually appealing, which is always an important quality. However, I can't help but notice that the title isn't completely centered; even if it's to make room for the author tag, that tag is too small to make up for the imbalance. I would suggest re-centering the title and removing that tag entirely. After all, you've already got a byline at the bottom. 

So far, so good!

3. Description 
Several things stick out to me regarding your description. I'll start with the bigger problems first. 

To begin with, the description doesn't seem to set up any plot. We get the inciting event with her discovery of the paranormal world and her unexplained amnesia, but that's it. Where is the storyline, where are the stakes? We're introduced to the protagonist, but what's at risk for her?

Second is actually following up with what your description promises during the story itself. The description tells us that Kalista is obsessed with the paranormal world and everyone thinks is crazy, but not much happens in the actual story to establish either of those two things. 

Third, is the opening line. "Kalista Garcia is your everyday teenage girl except she is not." This is the very first thing all your readers will see when they click on your book; it's your most important line. Starting with an average contradictory statement doesn't do the story--or the character-- justice. Write something exciting, attention-grabbing--something that will draw potential readers into reading more. 

Overall, though, the description is decent. You introduce the protagonist, premise, and inciting incident in a clear manner. I know exactly what type of story this is, and you aren't making any false promises. Sure, a few things could be improved here and there, but it's a good start. 

4. Plot
One issue with your plot is that after six chapters, it's not clearly defined. Kalista is discovering the paranormal world and her own abilities, she's having flashbacks...but what's the endgame? It doesn't seem to be leading anywhere. She's discovered that Julian is a werewolf...and that's that, I guess. The paranormal world is real and she's a part of it, but that's the only conflict we're getting. If there is an overarching storyline, then it needs to be introduced and set up from the very beginning. 

However, the conflict we're getting so far is linear and well-focused. Almost every scene so far seems to be plot-relevant and meaningful, which is one of the most important things to maintain throughout a narrative. So good job with that. 

5. Writing
Your writing is probably your weakest link so far, especially your grammar. It's passable, but there are several consistent grammar mistakes. Missing words, incorrect dialogue punctuation, misplaced or lacking commas... a spellchecker can catch most. I recommend Grammarly, but other grammar takes research. For example, when to end dialogue with a comma instead of a period. These are essentials for writing, and I think this is the first thing you should tackle. Presentation enhances content; if something looks and sounds professional, then people have a higher regard for it. 

Flow is something you asked me to focus on. Overall, it's alright. There are a few clumsy transitions here and there that I think could use smoothing, so make sure to reread your own work to catch it. 

But one thing you're lacking in is background and sensory description. I never pinned down a visualization for any of the settings in your story because I never got enough details about them. Remember to use visual and audio descriptions in every new location, or everything is just words on a screen instead of a story to read and imagine.  

6. Characters 
Your characters, although likable, could use a bit of fleshing out. What I mean by that is that they need more characteristics that make them memorable and set them apart from one another. Some of Kalista's friends, like Nike and Thea, don't really feel quite real because we don't know enough about them as people. What are their hobbies, their goals, their personality? Julian seems to be defined on solely two traits: he's Kalista's boyfriend and a werewolf...and that's it. We don't get much of their relationship or their dynamic and how they interact with each other, so we can't really connect with them or care about them as a couple. 

My advice to you is to spend more time deciding the traits and hobbies of your characters and making sure they come through in your writing. If we can relate to them as people, readers will care much more about your story. 

7. Overall
This story could use a little work, but overall it's definitely functional. Your writing is very reminiscent to a lot of other stories I've read, mostly by newer authors, so the best thing you can do is keep writing and improving. Good luck!